Gabbly Slash
by xylot3
Summary: W/E; N/E; J/N/W slash. Post-AWE. Slight AU, seeing as James is alive. NC17 with good reason. Don't read - this is just a rereading thing.
1. Chapter 1

**Will Turner**: Hi Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hi Will!

**Will Turner**: How are you this fine evening?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Pretty good.

**Jack Sparrow**: Norrie!

**Norrington**: Hi, Jaaack... blinks flirtatiously

**Jack Sparrow**: Why are you talking like Barbossa?

**Elizabeth Swann**: How are you, love?

**Norrington**: WHO ME?!?! ZOMG YAY! SHE CALLED ME LO-

**Will Turner**: I'm good now that you're here

**Norrington**: oh. You were talking to HIM.

**Jack Sparrow**: That's not what he said last night

**Elizabeth Swann**: I heard you cheated on me last night

**Norrington**: HE DID! WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: Too right he did

**Norrington**: AND WHAT A SWELL TIME IT WAS!!

**Jack Sparrow**: He got drunk off rum

**Will Turner**: No I didn't!

**Norrington**: Yes you did!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Liar!

**Will Turner**: Believe nothing Sparrow tells you - he's a pirate, Elizabeth!

**Jack Sparrow**: Come on love, would I ever lie to you?

**Norrington**: I remember you climbing on top of Sparrow first...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I trust Jack - he's a good man ;)

**Norrington**: ...then me...

**Will Turner**: What? gasp

**Jack Sparrow**: ...and then we all blacked out.

**Elizabeth Swann**: And I missed it?!

**Will Turner**: I don't recall that at all!

**Norrington**: BECAUSE YOU WAS DRUNK! THEY BOTH WERE!

**Jack Sparrow**: That's because we blacked out...

**Elizabeth Swann**: You can admit it, Will

**Will Turner**: You walked out on me, okay? You had to go to BED!

**Norrington**: YOU CAN ONLY TRUST _ME!_ I WASN'T DRUNK!

**Jack Sparrow**: YES YOU WERE!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right...

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH MARRY MEE

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay!

**Norrington**: YAY! I LUFF YOU

**Will Turner**: Norrie we both know it's not Elizabeth you want

**Elizabeth Swann**: I should have had you first, Norrie

**Norrington**: I know, right :)

**Jack Sparrow**: Still rooting for you

**Will Turner**: Fine Elizabeth, I was a _teensy_ bit inebriated

**Jack Sparrow**: that's an understatement

**Elizabeth Swann**: It's about time you let loose!

**Norrington**: Don't listen to him, Elizabeth - you know he's only lying

**Jack Sparrow**: Want some rum Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sure!

**Norrington**: Well, Turner, she did say she'd marry me!

**Will Turner**:)

**Norrington**: Got any objections to that, BUSTER?

**Will Turner**: She was kidding! Right, dearest?

**Norrington**: YOU'RE LYING!

**Elizabeth Swann**: ...Maybe...

**Norrington**: YOU'RE LYING

**Will Turner**: RIGHT DEAREST?

**Elizabeth Swann**: _Maybe..._

**Jack Sparrow**: drunk already Elizabeth?

**Norrington**: SHE. WILL. MARRY. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't know, Will... Hey! I thought you wanted to marry ME??!!

**Will Turner**: I knew that would surface eventually

**Norrington**: You said so yourself!

**Will Turner**: But you want Jack, Norrie...

**Norrington**: AND IF YOU DON'T I'LL TAKE JACK BEHIND THAT CLOSED DOOR!! Oh... Yes, Will, exactly. :)

**Jack Sparrow**: Jack wants the sea actually...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Nah - I want Norrie

**Norrington**: YAY

**Will Turner**: What?! Noooo!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I hear he's good... ;)

**Norrington**: I'M NORRIE & I AM VERY GOOD! EVEN ASK JACK!

**Will Turner**: Who's good?

**Norrington**: I AM VERY, VERY GOOD.

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Norrie :)

**Norrington**: And about time too!

**Elizabeth Swann: **I still love you though, Will

**Norrington**: jaw drop

**Will Turner**: What have you been doing while I've been away?

**Jack Sparrow**: Um, will i think she's drunk

**Will Turner**: GOODY!

**Norrington**: crestfallen face... Whuh?

**Jack Sparrow**: Who else wants rum?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack gave me A LOT of rum :)

**Will Turner**: Jaack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I like rum.

**Will Turner**: You never like rum around me!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I never should've burned it the first time.

**Will Turner**: It's always Jack... Jack this, Jack that...

**Jack Sparrow**: I love me. :)

**Norrington**: I thought taught you about rum when you were younger, Elizabeth! I told you, it's a vile drink that turns even the most respectable of men into complete scoundrels!

**Elizabeth Swann**: No - you told me how to hang people

**Will Turner**: WE KNOW!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Which is MEAN.

**Will Turner**: Norrie, shame on you!

**Norrington**: I did not! I'm not the hanging guy.

**Jack Sparrow**: I should kick you right now pirate hunter

**Will Turner**: Would you have hung me if you'd known I had pirate blood?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Well, I'm not a man - so, I'm good. I wouldn't have.

**Norrington**: ...Though i have been involved with said hanging guy... he was a "bigger man on top of me"... much fun.

**Will Turner**: No fair, Elizabeth, you get special treatment

**Elizabeth Swann**: YEP! ;)

**Norrington**: From me!

**Will Turner**: Ewww...

**Elizabeth Swann**: EVERYONE loves me :)

**Norrington**: OF COURSE

**Will Turner**: I don't want to picture that

**Norrington**: WHAT'S THERE NOT TO LOVE

**Jack Sparrow**: and then they die after kissing you

**Norrington**: that too...

**Will Turner**: I told you I'd die for you Elizabeth

**Norrington**: Why didn't you die at the end of CotBP then, Will? Then I could have quickly taken her for meself...

**Jack Sparrow**: no, you told me you'd die for _me_, Will...

**Will Turner**: I didn't think I'd actually have to do it.. I told her later, after you left.

**Jack Sparrow**: Fell is more like it and that bloody well hurt...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I didn't want you to die, Will.

**Norrington**: YES YOU DID!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I wouldn't have saved you if I didn't

**Norrington**: DID YOU WANT ME TO DIE, ELIZABETH!??!?! DID YOU???

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO! I want NO ONE to die!

**Norrington**: I rest my case.

**Elizabeth Swann**: ...Well, except Jack at one point...

**Jack Sparrow**: Hey!

**Will Turner**: I know, she's so kind hearted :)

**Norrington**: Not even Beckett?... WHAT ABOUT BECKETT???

**Jack Sparrow**: you played the game too missy

**Elizabeth Swann**: I kinda, sorta love you though. So no worries

**Will Turner**: Beckett you can kill

**Norrington**: Beckett is dead

**Jack Sparrow**: All Becketts, you can kill...

**Norrington**: Even his bro Alex?!

**Will Turner**: All Becketts!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right - everyone except Beckett

**Norrington**: NOOOOOOOOOOO

**Will Turner**: exactly!

**Norrington**: NOT MY BEST MATE ALEX!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Especially ALEX!

**Norrington**: ALEXANDER BECKETT?!?!?! NOOOOOO

**Jack Sparrow**: Norrie has a thing for sea men

**Norrington**: HE WAS MY BEST MATE!

**Will Turner**: I thought Jack was your best mate

**Norrington**: WE HAD SO MUCH FUN WHEN I WENT TO HIS HOUSE, ALL THOSE YEARS AG-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hahahaha... wait. What??

**Norrington**: I said nothing...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh well...

**Will Turner**: Did you go to his house for a garden party?

**Norrington**: Um...

**Jack Sparrow**: Those are fun.

**Norrington**: You could say that it was a party. It WAS in the garden...

**Elizabeth Swann**: How come I wasn't invited? I get invited to EVERYTHING.

**Will Turner**: You can't be invited to everything dearest

**Norrington**: It was a boys only party, Elizabeth. BOYS ONLY.

**Jack Sparrow**: No girls allowed.

**Will Turner**: Yeah!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I dressed as a boy once...

**Norrington**: Boys only... Meaning me and Alex only...

**Will Turner**: I went I think...

**Norrington**: REAL boys...

**Will Turner**: Hey!

**Jack Sparrow**: We had tea and scones.

**Norrington**: ...which excludes Jack and Will...

**Will Turner**: I'm not a eunuch, okay?

**Elizabeth Swann**: The _other men_ thought I was a boy!

**Norrington**: ...cos you guys aren't real boys.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I KNOW you're not a eunuch, Will ;)

**Will Turner**: You're too pretty to be a boy, sweetiepie

**Norrington**: The _other men_ did nothing to prove it though DID THEY?!!?

**Jack Sparrow**: ...whot?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Maybe...maybe not...

**Norrington**: They did nothing to prove Elizabeth was a boy when she dressed up as a boy...

**Will Turner**: Moving on...

**Norrington**: ...a eunuchy boy no doubt...

**Will Turner**: That doesn't even make sense!

**Norrington**: No we will not bloody well move on

**Will Turner**: Did you and Jack start drinking without me?

**Elizabeth Swann**: YES.

**Norrington**: I'm not DRUNK

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's go to Tortuga! Home of wenches and STDs.

**Norrington**: -is confused-

**Will Turner**: Jack has STDs!

**Norrington**: BWHAHAHAHAHA.

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's gross, Jack.

**Norrington**: How did you know that, Will?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will and Norrie don't have those.

**Norrington**: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

**Jack Sparrow**: I know it. And I gave them to you, didn't I Norrie?

**Norrington**: uh...

**Elizabeth Swann**: If you did, then I gave it to Will

**Norrington**: No, how could you have given me STDs?

**Will Turner**: how do you know that, Elizabeth? How did you know that about Norrie?

**Norrington**: SHE KNOWS A LOT ABOUT ME...

**Jack Sparrow**: you don't remember last Thursday?

**Norrington**: ...A LOT MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE!!

**Will Turner**: How much!??!

**Norrington**: Oh yeah... A LOT. Lots and lots more

**Elizabeth Swann**: Apparently a lot

**Norrington**: oh don't deny it, Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm not ;)

**Norrington**: you know it's true

**Elizabeth Swann**: I know A LOT about Will, too ;)

**Will Turner**: what was last Thursday? That was when I was away on business for the smithy.

**Jack Sparrow**: Remember when the pearl stopped and we rented that room, James?

**Norrington**: Last Thursday... yeah!

**Will Turner**: Did something happen between you and Norrie?

**Norrington**: Yeah, I know more about Jack than I do about Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: Damn right you do!

**Norrington**: And that's saying something big... but I know heaps about Elizabeth too, so imagine how much more I know about Jack...

**Jack Sparrow**: What's that little Jack on me shoulder? Timmy's in the barn and its on fire? We must save him!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Maybe I shouldn't have left early last night...

**Norrington**: Oh, no, by all means leave now, actually! right now!! I WANT WILL!

**Will Turner**: don't go and leave me with them! Ahhhh! hides behind Jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will's MINE.

**Will Turner**: Of course I am, dearest.

**Jack Sparrow**: starts acting like a chicken

**Norrington**: I'LL GET JACK AND WILL BOTH THEN!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Norrie you can have Jack

**Will Turner**: coughs nervously

**Elizabeth Swann**: I get WILL

**Jack Sparrow**: I don't want him though

**Norrington**: JACK! C'MERE YOU!

**Jack Sparrow**: Ahhhh

**Norrington**: No one wants me!! THAT'S THE EIGHTH REJECTION! ELIZABETH! GILLETTE! GROVES! WILL! JACK! WILL AGAIN! JACK AGAIN! ELIZABETH AGAIN!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I HATE LIFE!!

**Will Turner**: Who do you want Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: ...does rum count?

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO

**Will Turner**: Nope sorry.

**Norrington**: NO IT BLOODY WELL DOESN'T. I DO!

**Elizabeth Swann**: PICK!

**Norrington**: ME! ME! ME!

**Will Turner**: What do you want most in this world, Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: I want Will ;)

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO!

**Will Turner**: YAY!

**Norrington**: NO!! I WANT WILL!!

**Will Turner**: I mean, really?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I WANT WILL

**Norrington**: Fine, Jack, you take Will. So then I'll take Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: I feel LOVED:)

**Jack Sparrow**: No, Elizabeth comes with us

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'll take BOTH Will and Norrie

**Will Turner**: No! You take Scarlet, Norrie

**Jack Sparrow**: What about me :(

**Norrington**: NO! WAY!

**Will Turner**: I don't think that's possible, Liz

**Norrington**: YOU CAN COME WITH ME! LET 'S GO! TO SCARLETT WITH ME, JACK!

**Jack Sparrow**: My first and only love is the sea mate. Sorry.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't think I can take three of you...

**Will Turner**: I'll have to duel you Norrie for her honor

**Norrington**: but -

**Will Turner**: Who wants some!

**Jack Sparrow**: a fight to the death? neat!

**Norrington**: I WILL DUEL YOU WILL

**Will Turner**: I could do this ALL DAY!

**Norrington**: AVAST!

**Jack Sparrow**: ...lame.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I like watching ;)

**Jack Sparrow**: come Elizabeth, let's watch and have a little rum

**Will Turner**: You could always help me, Jack! Instead of just watching...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'll sit with Jack and drink rum.

**Will Turner**: Don't let him put the moves on you, Liz!

**Jack Sparrow**: Alright, I'll help hits Norrington on the head causing him to collapse

**Elizabeth Swann**: I guess the duel's over!

**Jack Sparrow**: I win!!

**Will Turner**: I guess so. Dang.

**Jack Sparrow**: As always.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Darn!

**Will Turner**: You cheated!

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's go look for treasure

**Norrington**: grabs Will's legs

**Jack Sparrow**: PIRATE! DUH.

**Will Turner**: Damn you are silly.

**Norrington**: I HAVE YOUR LEGS!! HAHA

**Will Turner**: Ah!

**Norrington**: I HAVE THEM! AGAIN! JUST LIKE LAST NIGHT! MIIIINE!

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO! They're MINE

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, help!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, take me to the FD!

**Will Turner**: right now?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Then, we'll be alone...

**Jack Sparrow**: hits Norrington with rum bottle

**Norrington**: thud

**Will Turner**: OK, side along CotFD apparition!

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;)

**Jack Sparrow**: Yay

**Will Turner**: Hold on Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whee!

**Will Turner**: Here we go!

**Jack Sparrow**: Don't leave me alone with Horny Norrie!!!!!!!

**Will Turner**: Hahaha tough luck Jack

**Norrington**: wakes up JACK, MY FRIEND!

**Jack Sparrow**: Drat... foiled again.

**Norrington**: YUMMY NUMMY JACKETY JACKY JACK JACK!

**Jack Sparrow**: runs deep into forest screaming madly

**Norrington**: chases after Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: looks back once and crashes into tree

**Norrington**: grabs a half-conscious Jack in arms Jack, you'll be fine with me :) I'll take care of you... Very good care. I'll take you to our cabin

**Jack Sparrow**: We need to get other girls involved in this. where's Tia when you need her?


	2. Chapter 2

**Will Turner**: OK we're here on the ship, Elizabeth! Wanna see my cabin?

**Elizabeth Swann**: You know I do ;)

**Will Turner**: ok then!

**Elizabeth Swann**: What shall we do?

**Will Turner**: would you like to play my organ?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't know how

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will you teach me?

**Will Turner**: I will teach you!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yay!

**Will Turner**: okay so this is middle C points

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay... hits the note

**Will Turner**: aAtually this might take awhile...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ohh! Pretty!

**Will Turner**: I'd rather do something else

**Elizabeth Swann**: Me too

**Will Turner**: Hey look, my bed!

**Norrington**: Okay, Jack, we're here! Have a lie down. points to bed

**Jack Sparrow**: let me out of here

**Norrington**: locks door eats key

**Jack Sparrow**: Noooooo!!

**Norrington**: You'll have to get the key from me, JACKIE

**Jack Sparrow**: okay punches norrington in stomach causing him to give up key thank you

**Norrington**: throws Jack on bed NOT SO FAST

**Jack Sparrow**: save me!

**Norrington**: pins underneath

**Will Turner**: accidentally pushes Elizabeth onto the bed

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shall we have a sit? ;)

**Will Turner**: sorry, love! are you hurt?

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, I'm okay.. ;)

**Will Turner**: good! umm actually I kinda miss Jack and Norrie... can we go back?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Me too - shall we go and get them?

**Will Turner**: sure!

**Norrington**: you know you want to Jack...

**Will Turner**: apparates into James' room

**Jack Sparrow**: help!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whee! That's always fun

**Will Turner**: hi guys! we're back!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hi guys!

**Jack Sparrow**: I repeat help!

**Norrington**: Look what I can do to Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Did you miss us?

**Will Turner**: what is going on here?!?

-CENSORED-

**Will Turner**: wow I didn't know that was possible...

**Jack Sparrow**: it's his fault points

**Norrington**: It is very possible

**Will Turner**: avert your eyes, Lizzie darling

**Jack Sparrow**: care to join us?

**Norrington**: fixes up ruffled hair

**Will Turner**: not right now! I mean... No. Never!

**Elizabeth Swann**: averting

**Norrington**: Come on! We can start ...very... fresh

**Elizabeth Swann**: Maybe I'll just watch...

**Jack Sparrow**: how fresh?

**Will Turner**: heh heh

**Norrington**: Wanna join us, Willie?

**Jack Sparrow**: pulls Will onto bed

**Norrington**: YAY

**Will Turner**: I don't think this is a good idea!

-CENSORED-

**Jack Sparrow**: too late...

-VERVERYCENSORED-

(Two hours later)

**Will Turner**: whew

**Norrington**: That was... very fun...

**Jack Sparrow**: all smoking cigarettes

**Will Turner**: I'm tired

**Norrington**: You would be

**Will Turner**: but I need to get back to Elizabeth now

**Norrington**: here, have your shirt back

**Jack Sparrow**: isn't she still here?

**Elizabeth Swann**: yes...

**Will Turner**: thanks

**Norrington**: Go have fun with Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: That was very...interesting...

**Will Turner**: next time you won't get out of rearranging the furniture so easily, Elizabeth!

**Norrington**: Fun to watch?

**Jack Sparrow**: do not leave me here alone. let's play liar's dice

**Norrington**: You can buy the DVD at all good Adult Stores! -.-

**Will Turner**: what's a DVD?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah, what's that?

**Norrington**: Good point... what did I say?

**Jack Sparrow**: i think i saw one in the amazon (dot com)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will you go get me one, Will?

**Will Turner**: if I knew what it was I would!

**Norrington**: Uhhuh. So, did you have fun? You went a little fast though Will... didn't last all that long. Jack, on the other hand... ;)

**Will Turner**: I don't rearrange furniture on a daily basis! I couldn't hold it up forever.

**Elizabeth Swann**: JUST with me

**Jack Sparrow**: HOLD it up? It wasn't up by itself?

**Norrington**: You rearranged a lot of furniture with me and Jack today

**Will Turner**: right...

**Norrington**: and last night too.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, what haven't you been telling me?

**Jack Sparrow**: Wheeee. look i've got a dvd. i think

**Will Turner**: I don't think we're talking about the same thing here

**Jack Sparrow**: and they've got a smashing picture of us on it. no wait, no Norrie

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, when I rearrange furniture with you it's just amazing!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I know:)

**Jack Sparrow**: but with us...

**Norrington**: IT'S HARDCORE!! Hard core work i meant.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right.

**Norrington**: coughWITHOUTTHEWORKcough

**Will Turner**: been starting early, Norrie?

**Norrington**: Oh definitely - starting lots of things... ;)

**Will Turner**: That's what happens if you hang around w/Jack for too long

**Jack Sparrow**: Yeah...hey!

**Will Turner**: Is that a DVD, then Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: Why yes it is dear whelp

**Norrington**: Let's watch it!

**Will Turner**: I'm not a whelp!

**Norrington**: What's it called?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Can I see it?

**Jack Sparrow**: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

**Norrington**: At Wit's End you mean...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hey! I'm on the front with Jack and Will :)

**Will Turner**: ooh! sounds scary

**Norrington**: I don't wanna watch my own DEATH.

**Jack Sparrow**: Oo look, a little piece of paper looks at FAQ sheet

**Elizabeth Swann**: WHAT?!!!

**Will Turner**: I wanna watch SotB!

**Jack Sparrow**: _More_ sex, William?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't like that little FAQ paper

**Will Turner**: Throw that blasphemous thing away! it tells LIES! LIES I tell you!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'll watch it with you, Will

**Jack Sparrow**: and alright wWlliam. let's make a little paper airplane

**Will Turner**: OK dear

**Jack Sparrow**: wheee

**Norrington**: oh... magicks a DVD player and plasma screen There you go.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Are there DVD players in the amazon (dot com)?

**Jack Sparrow**: I believe so Miss Swann

**Elizabeth Swann**:)

**Will Turner**: we didn't get married?

**Norrington**: but-but-but...

**Elizabeth Swann**: We did on that DVD

**Norrington**: crestfallen look

**Elizabeth Swann**:)

**Norrington**: sobs NO FAIR.

**Will Turner**: so I guess we did!

**Elizabeth Swann**: You didn't follow me, Norrie

**Jack Sparrow**: messing with you and the like. what i want to know is... why am i not immortal yet?

**Will Turner**: you can't find the fountain!

hahaha

**Norrington**: You were too busy with me... to go anywhere

**Jack Sparrow**: and you were to busy with William

**Will Turner**: he doesn't want to be immortal because the compass won't lead him to it!

**Jack Sparrow**: i thought he was on your crew now? being dead and all

**Will Turner**: Norrie on my crew? I suppose he is

**Elizabeth Swann**: He did die at sea

**Norrington**: Yes I did

**Elizabeth Swann**: so, he should

**Norrington**: no thanks to you, ELIZABETH! AND BOOTSTRAP!! NUUUHHHHHHH

**Will Turner**: unless he chose to move on...I can't remember

**Elizabeth Swann**: IT was YOUR fault You didn't FOLLOW me. Like I told you to

**Will Turner**: my dad's never been right in the head, you see

**Jack Sparrow**: sits in corner with popcorn and rum bottle that's an understatement

**Elizabeth Swann**: he was kind of strange...

**Norrington**: Yeah, well - more'n likely I struck to honorable mentions than greed

**Will Turner**: watch it, Jack! I thought he was your friend!

**Norrington**: I serve others, not only myself! SO THERE!

**Jack Sparrow**: oh no. he was...i miss him sometimes - used to tell great stories about you growing up he did

**Will Turner**: aw like what?

**Jack Sparrow**: potty training

**Will Turner**: eek!

**Norrington**: Aww. NOT NICE.

**Will Turner**: how dare he?

**Jack Sparrow**: and that time you tried to ride a dog

**Jack Sparrow**: when you were 2

**Will Turner**: I don't remember that! you could be making this up, Jack!

**Norrington**: Elizabeth whilst they discuss that... May I have a private moment with you on the very edge of the parapet? Wear your corset :)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sure... It's already on - just for you

**Norrington**: Thankyou, dearest.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mhmmm

**Norrington**: I apologize if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind.

**Jack Sparrow**: then there was your first word...

**Will Turner**: hey I think they're doing something behind our backs...

**Jack Sparrow**: forget them for a bit

**Jack Sparrow**: anyway, your first word...

**Will Turner**: was it pirate? sparrow?

**Jack Sparrow**: actually it was Avast

**Will Turner**: right! 'course it was! I always liked that word

**Jack Sparrow**: that's why i looked at you like that

**Jack Sparrow**: because i remembered and cared

**Will Turner**: I care for you too Jack!

**Will Turner**: I mean...I care that you care

**Jack Sparrow**: we're like brothers mate

**Elizabeth Swann**: Go on...

**Norrington**: This_ death_ has thrown me into something... I have not yet achieved:

**Elizabeth Swann**: ...What?

**Norrington**: A person to die with. You have become a person, Elizabeth.

**Elizabeth Swann**: You can die with Jack.

**Norrington**: Awww...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I think I'll go back to Will...

**Norrington**: But im not finished!

**Elizabeth Swann**: But, I don't want to DIE!

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH! But... but but but...

**Elizabeth Swann**: WHAT?!

**Norrington**: -.-


	3. Chapter 3

**Will Turner**: brothers yep uh huh

**Jack Sparrow**: actually. i have a confession to make.

**Will Turner**: yes, women's clothes, you like to wear them.

**Jack Sparrow**: ...whot? NO!

**Norrington**: waah. Go away. If you wanna break my heart again, do it someplace else. :(

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'll come with you if you don't kill me

**Norrington**: I would never kill you Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't want to hurt you :(

**Norrington**: YOU ALREADY HAVE TWICE!! JEEZ!!!!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'M SORRY!

**Norrington**: No you're not

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes I am

**Norrington**: if you were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place

**Norrington**: -crosses arms angrily-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I thought you wanted to kill me. That scared me.

**Norrington**: I wouldn't wanna kill you Elizabeth... replace the letter L in the word KILL with the letter S. Q.E.D: kill becomes kiss.

**Elizabeth Swann**: We already did that!

**Norrington**: AGAIN i meant

**Elizabeth Swann**: You wanna do it again?

**Norrington**: and this time YOu kiss ME

**Jack Sparrow**: bootstraps me father too

**Will Turner**: this ruins EVERYTHING! are you positive, Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: ...a little

**Jack Sparrow**: that's what me mum told me picks up shrunken head right mum?

**Will Turner**: but but but sob

**Norrington**: i already had a turn :)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay...just don't tell Will...

**Norrington**: I won't!

**Elizabeth Swann**: kisses Norrie passionately

**Norrington**: kisses Elizabeth back more passionately

**Will Turner**: you are so random, Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: aren't i always?

**Will Turner**: I can't be related to you... it's just not possible!

**Jack Sparrow**: out of side of mouth that's right jackie

**Will Turner**: while you're talking with yourself, I'd better go find Elizabeth

**Norrington**: parts

**Elizabeth Swann**: How was that?

**Norrington**: It was great, Elizabeth :)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mmm...that was fun :)

**Norrington**: Very fun... Any possibility of increasing the fun?

**Elizabeth Swann**: What did you have in mind? ;)

**Norrington**: Perhaps returning to my cabin...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Lead the way

**Norrington**: Quickly! I hear Will coming. Follow me

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hurries

**Norrington**: breaks into run

**Will Turner**: where are you going, my loveliest dearest darling?

**Norrington**: stops

**Will Turner**: WAIT!

**Norrington**: carries Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: Norrie I see you!!

**Norrington**: LETS RUN!!

**Will Turner**: put her DOWN!

**Norrington**: runs at top speed

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hurry!

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah. I'll just stand right here then

**Will Turner**: RAR!

**Norrington**: we're in!! shuts door

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whew

**Norrington**: locks door

**Elizabeth Swann**: That was close

**Will Turner**: dangit!

**Jack Sparrow**: i feel left out :(

**Will Turner**: Jack, help me pry open the door!

**Norrington**: I'll be right back

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay...

**Jack Sparrow**: Will do ;) runs over

**Will Turner**: I feel Elizabeth's virtue might be compromised

**Jack Sparrow**: and it hasn't already?

**Norrington**: alright then - Now, what do you suggest we start with? sits down next to Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, what do you want to do?

**Will Turner**: Norrie, you keep your filthy hands to yourself!

**Norrington**: I ALREADY DO MYSELF, WILLIAM!

**Will Turner**: don't make me come in there!

**Jack Sparrow**: i think he's hypnotised her

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth I heard that!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm up for ANYTHING

**Norrington**: I apologize. Anything, hey?

**Elizabeth Swann**: You were about to suggest something...

**Norrington**: well

**Will Turner**: Jack, you're supposed to be helping me!

**Norrington**: we could indeed...

**Elizabeth Swann**: yes...

**Jack Sparrow**: pries door open

**Norrington**: pushes Elizabeth onto bed

-QUITE CENSORED-

**Will Turner**: AVAST!

**Jack Sparrow**: not again

**Will Turner**: pushes Norrie off

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will!

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, did he hurt you?I can kill him if he did!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hey!

**Will Turner**: hug

**Jack Sparrow**: kicks Norrie in stomach a few times

**Norrington**: HEY I'M NAKED HERE! DO YOU MIND?

**Jack Sparrow**: ewww

**Norrington**: I may have hurt her but... she liked it.

**Will Turner**: WHAT?!?

**Elizabeth Swann**: A little..

**Norrington**: cough

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, is this true?

**Norrington**: oh, not by a... _LONG STRETCH_

**Elizabeth Swann**: coughMaybe a littlecough

**Will Turner**: sad puppy dog face

**Norrington**: cough

**Jack Sparrow**: smashes another rum bottle on Norrie's head

**Norrington**: You know how much that hurts, Jack? Jeez...

**Jack Sparrow**: ...yes

**Will Turner**: first I find out that Jack is my BROTHER, and now THIS?

**Norrington**: I stretched her a little bit... cough

**Elizabeth Swann**: You can take me if you want, Will

**Will Turner**: oh I'll take you all right

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let's go then

**Will Turner**: we're leaving now!

**Norrington**: puts coat back on you do that.

**Jack Sparrow**: why must i always be stuck with Norrington?

**Will Turner**: say goodbye Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: Goodbye. I had fun, Norrie...

**Jack Sparrow**: goodbye Elizabeth, your nymphs.

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;) bye Jack!

**Norrington**: We'll try it when he's asleep, OK Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: .whispers okay

**Will Turner**: apparate away

**Jack Sparrow**: let's play some poker

**Norrington**: Alright then - I bet my hat

**Jack Sparrow**: i'll bet me own as well

**Norrington**: You know, you should try Elizabeth sometime, Jack, she's pretty good.

**Jack Sparrow**: last time i did that...i died

**Norrington**: I mean... going a little further than what you did before, you know?

**Jack Sparrow**: well there was that time on the island

**Norrington**: Really? Did you go further? I thought you fell asleep

**Jack Sparrow**: let's just say i found burried treasure savvy

**Norrington**: Nice, nice

**Will Turner**: now on FD

**Will Turner**: so what was that about, Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: ..Nothing...

**Will Turner**: whatever happened to TRUST?

I gave you my heart

**Elizabeth Swann**: Remember - I can't do that!

**Will Turner**: LITERALLY!

**Elizabeth Swann**: And I've kept it safe

**Elizabeth Swann**: as promised

**Will Turner**: how can it be safe if it's in pieces!?

**Elizabeth Swann**: You hypocrite!

**Will Turner**: I feel some tentacles coming on...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I saw what you did with jack AND Norrie!

**Will Turner**: I don't want to look like Jones!

**Elizabeth Swann**: THAT hurt me.

**Will Turner**: you were THERE?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ch'yea!

**Will Turner**: I don't know what to say ashamed

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's why Norrie told me to get one of those DVD thingys

**Will Turner**: what for?

**Elizabeth Swann**: What do you think

**Will Turner**: oh come on, Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: What?! If you can do that, WHY can't I?

**Will Turner**: why didn't you just come talk to me instead of turning to cheap thrills

**Elizabeth Swann**: You were fighting with Jack!

**Will Turner**: I didn't mean to hurt you! I WAS DRUNK!

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's no excuse!

**Will Turner**: you're the one who wanted me to loosen up! so I did!

**Elizabeth Swann**: WITH. ME. NOT. THEM.

**Norrington**: But i guess that means I'm a little longer than you...

**Jack Sparrow**: we'll turn william to our side yet James

**Norrington**: I agree. 2 queens.

**Jack Sparrow**: we need a plan. three twos

**Norrington**: Is this Liar's Dice or Poker?

**Jack Sparrow**: poker

**Norrington**: well anyway - what plan do you suggest?

**Jack Sparrow**: when they come back, let's sit on him till he cries

**Norrington**: good idea. uh, by "sit on him"... do you mean... you know

**Jack Sparrow**: fully dressed

**Norrington**: ah. rats OK then. but how do we get him to come back? any ideas?

**Jack Sparrow**: Eh, screw it. Let's go to the Dutchman and join them.


	4. Chapter 4

Later

**Will Turner**: you were there! until you had to LEAVE! without me!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: But I didn't partake in anything!

**Will Turner**: well maybe we shouldn't have gotten married in the first place!

**Elizabeth Swann**: yes, we should've

**Jack Sparrow**: no whelp i mean will. you love her. now kiss and make up

**Will Turner**: all we ever do is fight!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I still love you, Will

**Jack Sparrow**: go on

**Will Turner**: I still love you too, but is it enough?

**Jack Sparrow**: well have you been faithful?

**Elizabeth Swann**: If you don't engage in other activities, then neither will I.

**Will Turner**: what if rum interferes again?

**Elizabeth Swann**: We blame JACK!

**Will Turner**: i guess that is fine

**Jack Sparrow**: Me!?!

**Will Turner**: Blame Jack! Blame Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes - you

**Jack Sparrow**:(

**Will Turner**: so will you take me back, Elizabeth?

**Jack Sparrow**: cries in corner

**Elizabeth Swann**: Of course. Will you take me back?

**Will Turner**: Great!

**Norrington**: But- but what about me...

**Will Turner**: you came between us in the first place! go away.

**Norrington**: cries next to Jack I ASKED HER FIRST ANYWAY!! Stupid whelp.

**Will Turner**: yeah go seek your solace with Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: hands James rum bottle

**Norrington**: Thanks... gulps down half of it God I hate Turner. I HATE HIM.

**Will Turner**: Hate is a strong word!

**Elizabeth Swann**: But, I always loved Will, James...

**Will Turner**: she tricked you into rescuing ME, Norrie

**Jack Sparrow**: sighs and stands up so long runs out door

**Norrington**: Why I ever pulled him aboard the Dauntless all those years ago, I'll never know

**Elizabeth Swann**: Because you loved me and wanted to make me happy

**Norrington**: yeah well... sways drunkenly

**Will Turner**: yes, even then you had a thing for her - which is GROSS. considering she was a child and you were like 28 or something...

**Jack Sparrow**: comes back I agree with William.

**Elizabeth Swann**: How old are you anyway, Norrie?

**Norrington**: I'm 34! well Jack's like 44 and look what Elizabeth did to him.

**Elizabeth Swann**: How old are we, Will? Like 20-ish?

**Will Turner**: I have a son, thank you very much

**Norrington**: WILL IS 30 - you're only 22, Elizabeth.

**Will Turner**: what? Norrie we're the same age you idiot

**Norrington**: EXACTLY. wait no – oh - damn it all!!

**Will Turner**: quit drinking so much at once!

**Jack Sparrow**: don't listen to him. he's drunk

**Will Turner**: he's even more of a lightweight than me!

**Norrington**: screw this!!

**Will Turner**: and that's saying something

**Norrington**: faints

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oops.

**Will Turner**: haha! what happened?

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah. let's leave him here then

**Norrington**: un-faints

**Norrington**: Yer all full o'bullshi- faints again

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's hurtful, Norrie!

**Jack Sparrow**: I think its the vapors

**Will Turner**: how much did he have, Jack?

**J****ack Sparrow**: half a bottle

**Will Turner**: that's it?!

**Norrington**: unfaints if that's hurtful - HE TOOK YOU AWAY WHILST WE WERE RIGHT IN TH'MIDDLE OF HAVIN' SE- faints

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's not MY fault!

**Norrington**: unfaints you agreed to run off with him. Oh but wait - of course. you wanna dash back and finish what we started?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Can Will come with us...?

**Norrington**: shooooooooreee!!! more th'merrier

**Will Turner**: you better believe that I'm coming... hehehe.

**Norrington**: 'c'mon le's go

**Elizabeth Swann**: okay

**Jack Sparrow**: ...yeah

**Will Turner**: singing We're off to see the wizard!

**Norrington**: leads back to cabin

**Elizabeth Swann**: follows Norrie

**Norrington**: opens cabin door come on in...

**Elizabeth Swann**: C'mon Will!

**Will Turner**: follows Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: walks into door post

**Will Turner**: I'm coming!

**Norrington**: shuts door in Jackk's face

**Jack Sparrow**:(

**Will Turner**: that's not very nice!

**Norrington**: okay, now that he's outta th'way...faints

**Will Turner**: oh great

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will - do you want Jack to have me, too?

**Jack Sparrow**: did he faint again?

**Norrington**: unfaints SCREW YOU JACK SPARROW

**Will Turner**: no way!

**Norrington**: faints

**Will Turner**: yes!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes or no?!

**Will Turner**: i just didn't think it was nice to shut the door in his face!

**Jack Sparrow**: i feel unwanted and lonely

**Norrington**: unfaints we were GOING TO SIT ON WILL!! BUT NOOOOOOOO

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh - well that was mean.

**Norrington**: YOU BETRAYED OUR PLAN

**Will Turner**: the feeling of thinking about you and Jack together makes me RETCH!

**Norrington**: JACK IS A STUPID, ARROGANT LITTLE- faints

**Elizabeth Swann**: Me too!

**Will Turner**: what is he talking about?!?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let's forget about Jack

**Will Turner**: good idea!

**Jack Sparrow**: i know when i'm not wanted leaves

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, c'mere love...

**Norrington**: unfaints you guys ain't having no fun here! NO SEX IN MY CABIN UNLESS IT INVOLVES ME!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: goes to Will

**Norrington**: faints

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will - can he join us?

**Will Turner**: this is awkward having him wake up every ten seconds

**Norrington**: unfaints i know right! XD

**Will Turner**: it's up to you, Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: ninety nine bottles of rum on the wall ninety nine bottles of rum. take one down smack Norrie in the head ninety eight bottles of rum on the wall

**Elizabeth Swann**: I feel bad for before, so maybe this one time...

**Norrington**: woohoo! let's get started

**Elizabeth Swann**: You guys choose how you wanna do it

**Will Turner**: no time for foreplay, eh Norrie?

**Norrington**: Not really! straight into it!! AND I MEAN INTO

**Will Turner**: I get it!

**Jack Sparrow**: crashes through door

**Norrington**: Elizabeth you lie there

**Will Turner**: I think... Jack!

**Norrington**: Will - open like this...

**Will Turner**: What are you doing? opens

**Norrington**: And i'll put my mou- JACK WHAT THE HELL

**Will Turner**: what did I just open?

**Elizabeth Swann**: lies down, watching intently

**Jack Sparrow**: you guys were having fun and leaving me out of it

**Norrington**: well, fine

**Will Turner**: four's a crowd, Jack

**Norrington**: you lie down there next to Elizabeth... Will, you open like this... and do that with Elizabeth... I'll do the same for Jack

**Will Turner**: Ok!

**Jack Sparrow**: no

**Norrington**: okay... GO

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm game!

-VERYCENSORED-

**Jack Sparrow**: why do i have to keep doing things with norrington?

**Will Turner**: Here I come!

-FOUR HOURS LATER-

**Will Turner**: whee!

**Norrington**: that was tiring - but fun

**Jack Sparrow**: all smoking

**Elizabeth Swann**: VERY fun

**Will Turner**: Jack kept kicking me in the..

**Jack Sparrow**: its not my fault you wouldn't move

**Will Turner**: I was moving quite a bit, thank you

**Norrington**: This time I'll take Will

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah. its always sex with you

**Norrington**: Elizabeth you take Will again, Jack, you can share between me and Will

**Elizabeth Swann**: C'mere Will...

**Norrington**: Sound like a plan?

**Jack Sparrow**: no

**Will Turner**: Alright, love!

**Norrington**: GO

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes!

**Will Turner**: Jack, getting cold feet?

**Jack Sparrow**: when there's three men and one woman yes

-TOTALLYUTTERLYCENSORED-

**Elizabeth Swann**: You didn't have fun? I did:)

**Norrington**: I had... lots of.. fun

**Jack Sparrow**: Norrington smells funny

**Will Turner**: I had a bit too much fun! thanks jack :D

**Norrington**: I'm tired now

**Jack Sparrow**: 'bout time

**Will Turner**: you too dearest Liz

**Norrington**: I mean, I've just done Jack, Will, Elizabeth, and all three at the same time - dude, i'm screwed-out! faints

**Jack Sparrow**: finally

**Will Turner**: someone give him a bloody medal...

**Jack Sparrow**: he can have his wig back

**Elizabeth Swann**: At least you guys don't get as SORE!

**Jack Sparrow**: Wanna bet?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Men are lucky. There's nothing there to be sore

**Will Turner**: I'm sore alright. but it will be worse tomorrow! I guess I'll just have to STAND UP the entire day

**Jack Sparrow**: what's standing William?

**Norrington**: SHE SHOULD BE ELIZABETH NORRINGTON

**William Turner**: Oh that's right Elizabeth likes to call me WILLIAM ;)

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH NORRY

**William Turner**: No way

**Norrington**: crosses arms no fair.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sounds odd...

**William Turner**: no way in hell!

**Norrington**: well it ESPECIALLY shouldn't be Elizabeth Sparrow.

**Elizabeth Swann**: DEFINITELY not

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH BARBOSSA!

**Elizabeth Swann**: EW!

**Jack Sparrow**: never say that again

**Elizabeth Swann**: vomit

**William Turner**: Barbossabeth?

**Norrington**: SALDANA

**Elizabeth Swann**: ew again

**Norrington**: whatever yuk

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha...where's ana

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH GILLETTE! ELIZABETH GROVES

**William Turner**: Ew.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I like Elizabeth Turner the best, Thanks

**William Turner**: yay!

**Jack Sparrow**: Groves is okay though - he likes me

**William Turner**: yeah he likes pirates

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah, he's okay

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH... BECKETT

**William Turner**: Ah!

**Elizabeth Swann**: EW!

**Jack Sparrow**: noo

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH JONES

**William Turner**: James BECKETT!

**Norrington**: NOOOOOOOOO

**William Turner**: hahaha

**Norrington**: WILLIAM BECKETT

**Jack Sparrow**: Jack...Sparrow

**Norrington**: wait... isn't William Beckett is a friend of Pete Wentz?

**William Turner**: Beckett is too short for me, thanks

**Norrington**: WILLIAM SPARROW!!

**William Turner**: are you making that up?

**Norrington**: JACK TURNER

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha

**Norrington**: JACK TURNERRRRRRRR

**Elizabeth Swann**: No!

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH TURNER!!

**Jack Sparrow**: well bootstrap is my father

**Norrington**: wait..

**Elizabeth Swann**: YES!

**William Turner**: No!

**Norrington**: Elizabeth Turner? SHIT!! NOO... I SAID TE WRONG THINGGGGGGGG! Um, ELIZABETH DALMA!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**William Turner**: I think you're mistaken Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: that's not the way he says it

**William Turner**: who says it? Your mum?

**Norrington**: so in conclusion... Elizabeth Norrington sounds best. :)

**William Turner**: WRONG!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sorry - I like Turner best...

**Norrington**: WELL WE'RE NOT ALL PERFECT THANKYOU MR. EUNUCHYBOY

**William Turner**: Turner fits quite well, thanks

**Norrington**: crosses arms angrily

**Jack Sparrow**: I'm sorry I called you that William

**William Turner**: yawns

**Norrington**: YOU ALL SUCK

**Jack Sparrow**: its not true

**Norrington**: waaaaaaaaah

**William Turner**: No Norrie, you suck!

**Norrington**: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

**Jack Sparrow**: yes, where is the little one?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes, Will - where is William?

**William Turner**: he's playing with your daughter Jack.

**Norrington**: IVE BEEN FICKING REJECTED 9 TIMES!!!!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: ah yes. Sammi

**William Turner**: they're secretly madly in love

Elizabeth Swann: Sammi!

**Norrington**: what... did I just say ficking? ooops.

**William Turner**: even thought they are quite young

**Elizabeth Swann**: And Teague!

**Norrington**: I MISSPELT FICK

**William Turner**: and Teague too

**Norrington**: I MEAN - DAMMIT

**Elizabeth Swann**: And Eva and Dani!

**William Turner**: Teague MiniJack

**Norrington**: MINI JACK? WITH WHOM? TIA DALMA?

**Elizabeth Swann**: AnaMaria.

**William Turner**: yes, Jack congrats on your new daughter!

**Jack Sparrow**: she's a little angel.

**Norrington**: I don't know these things, so exccuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me.

**Jack Sparrow**: just wish she'd sleep through the night

**William Turner**: Jack didn't tell you he had a family?

**Norrington**: he didn't tell me anything

**William Turner**: I figured you'd hate that

**Norrington**: had I known, i wouldn't have...

**Jack Sparrow**: well you were dead

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will and I have two

**Jack Sparrow**: Norrie needs a girl...


	5. Chapter 5

**Jack Sparrow**: seriously. he needs a girl

**Norr****ington**: I do NOT

**Jack Sparrow**: yes you do

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not me... Or do you still want me? Will's not here...

**Jack Sparrow**: i think he fell asleep

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;)

**Norrington**: i am fine being with myself up til 2am! i am perfectly happy in the realms of mastur-

**Jack Sparrow**: Come on...

**Norrington**: I said nothing!!! I'm not a perfect person, Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: I think William had to collect more souls

**Norrington**: there's many things I wish I didn't do... but I continue learning

**Elizabeth Swann**: Like...

**Norrington**: i never meant to do those things to you, Elizabeth. And so i have to say before I go, that I just want you to know I found a reason for me...

**Elizabeth Swann**: ...yes?

**Norrington**: to change who I used to be

**Elizabeth Swann**: Really?

**Norrington**: A reason to start over new... and the reason is you.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Aw.

**Norrington**: I'm sorry that i hurt you...

**Elizabeth Swann**: -blush-

**Norrington**: ...It's something I must live with everyday...

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's okay

**Norrington**: And all the pain I put you through...

**Jack Sparrow**: Elizabeth, just remember that Will loves you so stop listening to James' poetry.

**Norrington**: ...I wish that could take it all away and be the one that catches all your tears: that's why I need you to hear...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Think about Will, think about Will...

**Norrington**: I found a reason for me to change who I used to be; a reason to start over new

**Jack Sparrow**: Ana!

**Norrington**: and the reason is you, and the reason is you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Finally!

**Norrington**: and the reason is you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh lord...

**Norrington**: and the reason is youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, help me!

**Jack Sparrow**: is he on one knee?

**Ana Maria**: That's the reason? "You"?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes

**Norrington**: I'm not a perfect person...

**Elizabeth Swann**: HELP!

**Norrington**: I never meant to do those things to you...

**Elizabeth Swann**: JACK!

**Norrington**: and so I have to say before I go that I just want you to know...

**Elizabeth Swann**: PLEASE!

**Ana Maria**: -slaps Norrington-

**Norrington**: OW

**Ana Maria**: Couldn't help myself..

**Norrington**: I found a reason for me...

**Jack Sparrow**: Come on James, I think you're drunk starts to drag man away

**Norrington**: ...to change who i used to be - no go away, Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: THANK YOU!

**Norrington**: ...a reason to start over new... and the reason is you, Elizabeth. I found a reason to show...

**Jack Sparrow**: time to bury James in the sand!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where's Will when you finally need him?

**Norrington**: a side of me you didn't know; a reason for all that i do... AND THE REASON IS YOU.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ughhh

**Norrington**: my fingers hurt...

**Jack Sparrow**: are you finished yet?

**Norrington**: i just typed out the entire song, for christ sakes

ow

**Elizabeth Swann**: Please say you are finished?

**Norrington**: Norry loves Lizzie... it's finished, yes.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Finally.

**Ana Maria**: So does Will. Will loves Lizzie too.

**Jack Sparrow**: good

**Elizabeth Swann**: Lizzie needs to find Will...

**Norrington**: WAAHH MARRY ME ELIZABETH

**Ana Maria**: Ana needs Jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will'll get mad at me if I married you!

**Norrington**: I just sang you a whole freaking song!

**Jack Sparrow**: come on Ana, I'll show you my cabin...

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, Jack! Don't leave me!

**Norrington**: THE WHOLE THING

**Jack Sparrow**: walk away hand in hand

**Ana Maria**: Hehe...

**Elizabeth Swann**: JACKKKKKKK!

**Norrington**: ISN'T THAT ENOUGH? DO YOU WANT ME TO SING IRIS?

**Jack Sparrow**: fine, Elizabeth you can come too

**Norrington**: DO YOU WANT THE GOO GOO DOLLS?

**Elizabeth Swann**: WILL! Where are you?!

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH NOOO! DONT GO WITH JACK...

**Elizabeth Swann**: THANK YOU JACK!

**Norrington**: I'LL SING IRIS!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -Walks to Jack-

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's run.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hurry!

**Norrington**: Waaaaaaah!! Noo!! Don't leave me here

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs faster-

**Norrington**: PLEASE!! WAHH! -runs after Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs even faster-

**Norrington**: Elizabeth, I swear I DID NOT KNOW

**Elizabeth Swann**: -yanks hand way-

**Norrington**: COME BACK!! -tackles to ground- PLEASE ACCEPT ME...

**Ana Maria**: This is madness!

**Norrington**: YOU KISSED ME LAST TIME!! PLEASE!!

**Jack Sparrow**: do you promise to stop singing?

**Elizabeth Swann**: If you stop bloody SINGING...

**Norrington**: Yes, I will stop!

**Jack Sparrow**: This is SPARTA!

**Norrington**: I WILL!!

**Ana Maria**: Haha Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thank God

**Ana Maria**: I love that man

**Jack Sparrow**: so what should we all do now... love ye too love ;)

**Elizabeth Swann**: I love him, too - at the moment

**Norrington**: What!?! YOU'LL TAKE JACK OVER ME!!?!?!?!?!?

**Ana Maria**: Oh, honey, he's mine, I'm sorry...

**Jack Sparrow**: Poor will; having to gather more souls starts making out with ana

**Norrington**: -falls on ground and cries helplessly-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew Jack!

**Ana Maria**: MHMM

**Norrington**: -sobs- waaah. woe is me. waah.

**Jack Sparrow**: How are the children Ana?

**Norrington**: -waah-

**Ana Maria**: Fine, Jack.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm sorry, Norrie. Just no more SINGING.

**Jack Sparrow**: yes, for the love of God stop singing

**Norrington**: im not singing anymore!! waah.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thank you.

**Jack Sparrow**: oh, stop crying too.

**Norrington**: SHUT UP!!!

**Ana Maria**: Maybe, if you could sing well, I would tolerate it... alas, no.

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, what do you want to do?

**Ana Maria**: NOT SING

**Norrington**: you don't care about being heartbroken, Jack... BUT I DO! Waaahh.

**Jack Sparrow**: Will doesn't have a heart...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I have it!

**Norrington**: Wha?l

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will gave it to me.

**Ana Maria**: Jack, why don't you give me your heart? Will gave his to Lizzie!

**Norrington**: MY HEART IS OPEN TO ELIZABETH!

**Jack Sparrow**: I give it to you figuratively love

**Norrington**: Oh. Waaah. Her hands are full..

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh God...

**Ana Maria**: Fair enough

**Norrington**: Waah. fine. I give up!!

**Ana Maria**: good

**Jack Sparrow**: can't very well pull it out meself. i'm only human

**Elizabeth Swann**: And Will's not?!

**Ana Maria**: No- You're Captain Jack Sparrow!

**Jack Sparrow**: Will's the lucky immortal pouts

**Ana Maria**: Aww

**Elizabeth Swann**: He doesn't FEEL lucky.

**Ana Maria**: You're soo cute when you pout kisses Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: kisses back

**Norrington**: waah.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew. Again. Norrie, do you want to leave them? And go somewhere?

**Norrington**: YES PLEEASE! yes please, elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where did you have in mind?

**Norrington**: um... that depends..

**Jack Sparrow**: on...?

**Elizabeth Swann**: On...?

**Norrington**: on the fact of this:

**Ana Maria**: Continue..

**Norrington**: ...are you asking for sex, or just a getaway?

**Elizabeth Swann**: yes...

**Norrington**: yes to what

**Elizabeth Swann**: Um

**Jack Sparrow**: i'm wondering that meself

**Norrington**: -whispers- please say sex, please say sex, please say sex...

**Ana Maria**: I like sex.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't care - what do you want?

**Ana Maria**: Just not with James

**Jack Sparrow**: probably sex

**Norrington**: Well. With you, Elizabeth, I want everything. but just sex will do fine. you good with it?

**Elizabeth Swann**: DON'T. TELL. WILL. Or I'll NEVER forgive you.

**Norrington**: I won't! I promise.

**Ana Maria**: I might.. No I wont!

**Elizabeth Swann**: No ANA!

**Norrington**: -carries Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: He'll turn tentaclely

**Jack Sparrow**: meanwhile, why don't we share me cabin then ana

**Norrington**: Whee. Always wanted to do that.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Bye!

**Norrington**: I'll take you to my cabin, Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hehe.

**Ana Maria**: I was just thinking that Jack

**Norrington**: Let's go.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay, James

**Ana Maria**: let's go

**Jack Sparrow**: takes Ana's hand

**Norrington**: -walks in opposite direction to Jack & Ana-

**Ana Maria**: Have fun Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Are we there yet?

**Norrington**: Oh we will, Ana

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thanks Ana - you too!

**Norrington**: almost there, Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: Good.

**Ana Maria**: -grins-

-censored Jack and Ana-

**Norrington**: and we're here. -places ELizabeth on bed-

**Elizabeth Swann**: So...

**Norrington**: do we need... foreplay? Or just get straight into it?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Do you want to?

**Norrington**: I mean, I dont need it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, why not?

**Norrington**: Carrying you got me ready to go

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm good with either

**Norrington**: you know... -points to pants-

**Jack Sparrow**: Ana, move your foot please

**Ana Maria**: Move your hand Jack!

**Jack Sparrow**: oh just come here

**-**more censored-

**Ana Maria**: hehe

**Jack Sparrow**: big sigh of happiness

**Ana Maria**: Mhhmmmm..

**Norrington**: Righto, then Elizabeth. Straight into it.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay.

-CENSORED-

-FOUR HOURS LATER-

**Norrington**: Well. That was indeed fun

**Elizabeth Swann**: That was fun.

**Norrington**: I am very, very tired now

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm not ;)

**Ana Maria**: Do you want rum, Jackie?

**Jack Sparrow**: when do I not?

**Ana Maria**: Smart, sexy man you are

**Jack Sparrow**: my favorite drink from my favorite gal

**Ana Maria**: Aww

**Norrington**: so we shall just fall asleep now, right here

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay...

**Norrington**: i'll fall alseep right here, on top of you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Move!

**Norrington**: even though we are both stitchless.

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're heavy!

**Norrington**: sorry, sorry, I'll put you on top of me then

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay:) I like that better.

**Norrington**: okay. -wraps arms around waist- now we shall fall asleep

**Elizabeth Swann**: Fine.

**Norrington**: Have a good sleep. actually...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Actually what?

**Norrington**: seeing as we are in a very, very intimate position right now...

**Jack Sparrow**: shall we start again. five is me lucky number

**Ana Maria**: HECK YES

**Jack Sparrow**: ubbercensored

**Elizabeth Swann**: ...Yes?

**Norrington**: we may as well... you know, continue

**Ana Maria**: -giggles-

**Jack Sparrow**: oh ana

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;) Okay...

**Norrington**: indeed

-CENSORED-

**Norrington**: ow ow ow

**Elizabeth Swann**: Wow.

**Norrington**: you're scratching my back

**Elizabeth Swann**: You are good.

**Norrington**: Ow! Ow! Ow!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sorry.

**Norrington**: no biting! please

**Ana Maria**: Jack you are such a pleasure to be with

**Jack Sparrow**: you too darling

**Norrington**: you are also very good...

-MORE CENSORED-

**Jack Sparrow**: grunt

**Ana Maria**: -sigh- More rum!

**Jack Sparrow**: yay

drinks half and hands to ana to drink too

**Ana Maria**: Oooh I'm getting dizzy! Help me, Jack!

**Norrington**: OK. Elizabeth? Are you okay? You're screaming...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I am?

**Norrington**: you're screaming my name... very loudly.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I didn't realize... Ohh.

**Norrington**: are you okay?

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;) yes...

**Norrington**: you feeling OK? oh, good; let us continue then

**Elizabeth Swann**: On we go..

-yet more censoredness-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mmmm.

**Norrington**: -unnh-

**Jack Sparrow**: I think that's enough furniture moving for one night dear. lovely as always

**Ana Maria**: Jack we can't get out! The bed is in front of the door!

**Ana Maria**:

**Jack Sparrow**: how did that happen?

**Ana Maria**: I'm not sure, but I like it!

**Jack Sparrow**: tries to open door

**Ana Maria**: Bugger

**Jack Sparrow**: door flies open, hits jack in face knocking him out

**Norrington**: well, Elizabeth -unnh- i think you could use some -grunt- sleep... what do you think? -uhhhh-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Maybe we should go see how Jack and Ana are?

**Norrington**: -stops- indeed.

**Elizabeth Swann**: It's been several hours..

**Norrington**: wow. It has... time flies when you're having sex

**Ana Maria**: Jack! You alright?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let's go! hehehe.

**Norrington**: let's get dressed and visit them

**Ana Maria**: Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: rubs forehead rum please

**Ana Maria**: The rums all gone, sweetie, somehow...

**Jack Sparrow**: but why is the rum gone?!?!

**Ana Maria**: Elizabeth, I bet!

**Jack Sparrow**: lets go yell at her

**Elizabeth Swann**: And get dressed this time!

**Norrington**: yep -gets dressed- all done!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -gets dressed too-

**Norrington**: Elizabeth, did you need help with those buttons?

**Elizabeth Swann**: In the back, please

**Norrington**: will do -does up buttons-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thank you, dear.

**Norrington**: -whispers in ear- this is very enjoyable

**Norrington**: -kisses neck-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -whispers back- I know ;) Ahhh.

**Elizabeth Swann**:

**Norrington**: Much obliged, sweetie. We'd better go. We've spent a long time here.

**Ana Maria**: Agreed! -stumbles out-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes, we better.

**Jack Sparrow**: Elizabeth, did you take the rum again!

**Ana Maria**: Yeah!

**Norrington**: HEY! do you mind...

**Jack Sparrow**: opens door

**Elizabeth Swann**: Was that Jack that just called me? Jack!

**Jack Sparrow**: YES

**Norrington**: we were just leaving, and you have to call in here...

**Ana Maria**: Elizabeth!

**Norrington**: -stomps outside-

**Ana Maria**: Why is the rum gone?

**Elizabeth Swann**: We're not exactly done... -sigh-

**Ana Maria**: Oh god James..

**Jack Sparrow**: well you should be. what would will say if he saw you?

**Norrington**: -yells in Jack's face- WE WERE JUST FINISHING THE EPI-PLAY

**Ana Maria**: Put some pants on

**Elizabeth Swann**: THAT'S WHY WE'RE NOT TELLING HIM.

**Norrington**: My pants ARE on you bi-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right, Jack...

**Norrington**: Oh, shit. -runs back inside-

**Jack Sparrow**: you were not just going to call my wife what i think you were, norrie?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh God, Norrie.

**Jack Sparrow**: get back here!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let's go, Ana...

**Ana Maria**: I am NOT a bitch!

**Norrington**: OKAY! My pants are on.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hurry!

**Norrington**: Hello.

**Ana Maria**: Yes let's Lizzie

**Norrington**: again

**Elizabeth Swann**: -grabs Ana and runs-

**Norrington**: Well, Jack, did you challenge me or something

**Ana Maria**: -runs with Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whew.

**Ana Maria**: How was..James?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Finally we're away from them.

**Ana Maria**: Is he any good?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Um. Okay?

**Elizabeth Swann**: He's...alright.

**Ana Maria**: interesting

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'd ask about Jack, but I REALLY don't want to know. Hahaha.

**Ana Maria**: -grimace-

**Ana Maria**: Go Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why do they always fight?

**Ana Maria**: Pirates.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Through and through.

**Ana Maria**: And Jack is rum deprived


	6. Chapter 6

**Norrington**: -narrows eyes at Jack-

**Jack Sparrow**: cocks gun in norrie's face don't call me wife any names savvy. else it'll be the last thing you do again

**Norrington**: Eeep.

**Norrington**: Um.

**Norrington**: -kick's Jack's jewels-

**Norrington**: MUAHAHAH! BYE!! -runs off-

**Jack Sparrow**: -grunts- get back here (said in high pitched voice)

**Norrington**: NO WAY, BUSTER!

**Jack Sparrow**: runs and tackles norrie to the ground

**Elizabeth Swann**: Men.

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH! -stops- Do you -gasp- want to try and -gasp- finish up?

**Jack Sparrow**: because james has been a real pig recently

**Norrington**: Please, dont -gasp- call me a pirate! -hey, shut up...

**Jack Sparrow**: plus i'm SOBER!!!

**Norrington**: ...dying makes you horny.

**Elizabeth Swann**: But, you are James! -gets rum- Here Jack!

**Norrington**: Rum and dying are not a good mix

**Jack Sparrow**: thanks love flashes grin and drinks

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's why I'm giving it to Jack.

**Norrington**: the testosterones take over

**Elizabeth Swann**: Indeed.

**Norrington**: if i drank rum i'd rape all three of you right there on the spot... so, no thanks

**Ana Maria**?!?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: No rum for James!

**Jack Sparrow**: that's just not right

**Norrington**: much as i'd love too, it would be waaaayyy OOC for me

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not right AT ALL.

**Ana Maria**: I'm with Jack

**Norrington**: Mmmhm.

**Ana Maria**: And Jack only

**Elizabeth Swann**: I read something about you molesting me once... Hmm.

**Norrington**: What ever happened to Gibbs, Ana?

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah, where is the old man?

**Ana Maria**: Too heavy

**Norrington**: didnt you guys, like, fling in the brig or something?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah?

**Ana Maria**: I don't know where he is..

**Jack Sparrow**: what??

**Norrington**: or was it in the crow's nest...

**Ana Maria**: GIBBIE!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I miss Gibbs. :'(

**Jack Sparrow**: i think he's still in tortuga, with his teddy

**Elizabeth Swann**: With Scarlett and Giselle.

**Norrington**: still in tortuga, relentlessly screwing the pigs

**Jack Sparrow**: them too

**Elizabeth Swann**: Most-likely.

**Norrington**: Scarlett and Giselle? of course they're pigs...

**Ana Maria**: Poor guy

**Jack Sparrow**: you screwed them yourself didn't you?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hey! You did that too Norre!

**Norrington**: I did not!! it was a forced sexual contact

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes you did.

**Jack Sparrow**: you were in the pigs

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right.

**Norrington**: blame the barmen!!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Excuses.

**Ana Maria**: My hands were clean in this pig-raping situation..

**Norrington**: Jeez, they threw me into the mud! i couldn't resist...

**Ana Maria**: For one

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes you can!

**Jack Sparrow**: actually it was elizabeth's fault you were thrown out since she knocked you out

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew.

**Norrington**: JACK! I WAS NOT IN THE PIGS! NOT "IN" THE PIGS. they were all male pigs

wait.

Um...

that came out wrong.

guys?

**Jack Sparrow**: -lift with your legs-

**Ana Maria**: -grabs legs-

**Norrington**: I do NOT sleep with pigs - what the

**Elizabeth Swann**: -grabs arm- YES YOU DO.

**Norrington**: what are you guys doing?

**Jack Sparrow**: burying you of course

**Elizabeth Swann**: Burying you in the sand.

**Norrington**: put me down!

**Elizabeth Swann**: No.

**Jack Sparrow**: no

**Norrington**: -writhes-

**Ana Maria**: NEVER, Hahaha!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hold him!

**Norrington**: much as this causes pleasurable movement in my crotch, PUT ME DOWN. PLEASE.

**Ana Maria**: Steady now..

**Jack Sparrow**: ew

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO.

**Norrington**: I can't release here... PUT ME DOWN, DAMMIT

**Ana Maria**: NO

**Jack Sparrow**: okay. elizabeth and ana start diging. i'll hold him down

**Norrington**: -writhes-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -starts to dig-

**Ana Maria**: -digs-

**Norrington**: ooh, Jack, that tickles...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hurry Ana! Faster! -digs faster-

**Norrington**: Faster indeed...

**Ana Maria**: deeper and deeper we go..

**Jack Sparrow**: punches norrie in the face

**Norrington**: dig deeper!!

**Ana Maria**: -digs-

**Norrington**: OW

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay Jack!

**Norrington**: dig deeper! faster, ana!! MUAHAHAHAH

**Elizabeth Swann**: Put him in!

**Ana Maria**: We're ready!

**Norrington**: argh!!

**Jack Sparrow**: drags him in

**Ana Maria**: Nyaa!

**Norrington**: PUT ME DOWN I TELL YOU

**Elizabeth Swann**: Bury him!

**Ana Maria**: Quick!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Quickly!

**Norrington**: NOO!

**Ana Maria**: -burries-

**Jack Sparrow**: starts to throw sand

**Norrington**: IT'S 6 FEET DEEP! BUT I'M 6" 2'!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Good.

**Jack Sparrow**: phew

**Ana Maria**: -pushes sand-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Just enough room for your head.

**Ana Maria**: Hahaha

**Norrington**: -muffled voice- screw you all!!

**Ana Maria**: We love you James

**Elizabeth Swann**: You've already done me.

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah

**Norrington**: -muffled- WILL SCREW HAPLESSLY SCREW YOU ALL

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, oh well.

**Norrington**: -muffled- TWICE, THEN

**Ana Maria**: Um, no..

**Elizabeth Swann**: You already did it twice.

**Ana Maria**: I don't get laid my pig molesters

**Jack Sparrow**: i had enough of you last time

**Norrington**: -muffled- THREE TIMES THEN

AND SVENTH TIME FOR JACK

**Elizabeth Swann**: You did that too...

**Norrington**: -muffled- LET ME OUT

**Jack Sparrow**: shut up

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ahhh...no.

**Ana Maria**: What should we do now?

**Norrington**: -muffled- MY MOUTH IS FULL OF SAND DOWN HERE

**Ana Maria**: Can we just..leave him?

**Jack Sparrow**: not till you promise to let us set you up with someone nice

**Norrington**: Okay, FINE

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah.Who Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: do you promise?

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH LET ME OUT OR I'LL TELL WILL THAT YOU LET ME SCREW YOU

FINE I PROMISE

**Ana Maria**: Promise??

**Jack Sparrow**: oh crap

**Norrington**: HUFFY UP

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, help me!

**Norrington**: -muffled- Bastards...

**Jack Sparrow**: unburies

**Elizabeth Swann**: Fine...

**Ana Maria**: Take your time, Jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: Now you CAN'T tell Will.

**Jack Sparrow**: plan on it love

**Elizabeth Swann**: You promised.

**Ana Maria**: Pirates

**Norrington**: -climbs out- Thank you. And no, I won't tell Will.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thank you! For that I'll give you a kiss

**Jack Sparrow**: so now, you need someone special james

**Elizabeth Swann**: -kisses Norries passionately-

**Norrington**: But don't tell me you didn't enjoy it at the time, Elizabeth...oh

**Ana Maria**: And it MUST be human.

**Norrington**: -mm-

**Elizabeth Swann**: There!

**Jack Sparrow**: and just as horny as he is

**Elizabeth Swann**:)

**Ana Maria**: -kisses Jack-

**Norrington**: Okay.. I'll keep shut now. I promise...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Good.

**Jack Sparrow**: kisses back and places hand on butt

**Norrington**: If you do that one more time.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack!

**Ana Maria**: -giggles-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Stop that this instant!

**Jack Sparrow**: fine

**Norrington**: -grabs Elizabeth and kisses deely-

**Ana Maria**: Hmph!

**Jack Sparrow**: we'll continue later

**Norrington**: deeply

**Elizabeth Swann**: Huph!

**Ana Maria**: Of course!

**Norrington**: -parts- OK, now i'll keep shut.

**Elizabeth Swann**: ...Wow.

**Ana Maria**: Thank you

**Elizabeth Swann**: thank you.

**Norrington**: So...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes?

**Jack Sparrow**: you need a horny, human lady

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes, indeed.

**Norrington**: Yes, I do... -hangs head-

**Ana Maria**: Tortuga?

**Norrington**: Tortuga.

Elizabeth Swann: Tortuga!

**Jack Sparrow**: let's go

**Norrington**: how?

**Ana Maria**: Aye!

**Elizabeth Swann**: We skip!

**Jack Sparrow**: side note - maybe we should stop there

**Ana Maria**: I'll take the sea turtles..


	7. Chapter 7

**Elizabeth Swann**: To finally find you a girl! ...That's not me...

**Norrington**: not ana either...

**Jack Sparrow**: yes, James is in need of a girl

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right

**Jack Sparrow**: you can have Giselle

**Giselle!**: I'm free winks

**Norrington**: NO WAY

**Will Turner**: I'm in need of some attention!

**Giselle!**: What?!?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I love you, Will!

**Giselle!**: Why not Norrie?

**Jack Sparrow**: I thought you were busy elsewhere?

**Norrington**: yuck - she's as bad as a Mary Sue

**Will Turner**: you guys left me on the Dutchman

**Norrington**: Well, yes, but-

**Will Turner**: yeah right Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: What?

**Jack Sparrow**: you had to ferry souls

**Will Turner**: Jack told me what you did with Norrie

**Elizabeth Swann**: You KNOW I love you.

**Jack Sparrow**: sorry Love

**Will Turner**: Liar!

**Elizabeth Swann**: JACK!

**Norrington**: we didn't do anything! nothing at all!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I swear!

**Will Turner**: oh yeah right sure uh huh

**Jack Sparrow**: umm..yes you did

**Norrington**: unless sex counts as something, then NO

**Elizabeth Swann**: Norrie forced me!

**Will Turner**: Ahh!

**Norrington**: I DID NOT

**Will Turner**: what if you have Norrie's child?

**Elizabeth Swann**: YES YOU DID

**Norrington**: SHE AGREED

**Will Turner**: then what Elizabeth?

**Jack Sparrow**: I was busy with Ana so my hands are clean of this

**Giselle!**: Will, I'll help you!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I DON'T! Ew.

**Will Turner**: ok Giselle!

**Elizabeth Swann**: WILL!

**Giselle!**: Yay!

**Will Turner**: at least you don't break my heart

**Elizabeth Swann**: It was his fault!

**Norrington**: IT WAS NOT

**Jack Sparrow**: Where's Ana when you need her:(

**Will Turner**: don't blame Norrie

**Elizabeth Swann**: He FORCED me.

**Giselle!**: Oh, right , Elizabeth.

**Norrington**: you agreed to it!

**Giselle!**: That's what we all say.

**Elizabeth Swann**: You weren't there

**Will Turner**: you were attracted to him Elizabeth

**Norrington**: i just suggested, and you agreed!

**Will Turner**: admit it

**Elizabeth Swann**: You know nothing. Yeah right.

**Norrington**: you COULD have said NO! but nooooo, you had to be HORNY

**Elizabeth Swann**: You FORCED me.

**Norrington**: SO HAH

**Jack Sparrow**: Where's your will power darling?

**Will Turner**: she has no willpower

**Giselle!**: Over here, with me, Jack.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Obviously.

**Will Turner**: as I WASnt THERE!

**Jack Sparrow**: that's b/c you weren't there

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's not MY fault.

**Norrington**: unless it's the power of... WILL

**Will Turner**: haha, I'm feeling pretty powerful tonight

**Norrington**: ooo

**Elizabeth Swann**: I LOVE you Will. NOT Norrie.

**Jack Sparrow**: powerful good or powerful bad?

**Norrington**: care to express this, Will?

**Giselle!**: It's okay Will. You still have me winks. I'm here, if you need me.

**Will Turner**: it all depends… c'mere Giselle hugs

**Giselle!**: kisses

**Norrington**: OMG, wow

**Jack Sparrow**: that was hot

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will...

**Norrington**: I... wow.

**Will Turner**: pulls away

**Norrington**: Elizabeth, dont cry...

**Will Turner**: what do you have to say now?

**Elizabeth Swann**: You said you'd NEVER betray me.

**Jack Sparrow**: well now that that's over with

**Giselle!**: smirks at Liz

**Norrington**: -hugs Elizabeth comfortingly-

**Will Turner**: what was last night?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Leaves to cry

**Norrington**: -hugs Elizabeth comfortingly-

**Jack Sparrow**: you really should go after her will

**Norrington**: it's OK, it's OK, don't worry...

**Will Turner**: yeah I know I should

**Giselle!**: NO HE SHOULDNT!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thanks, Norrie. I'm sorry i blamed you.

**Norrington**: Everything'll be all right, Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: but Giselle is such a good kisser

**Giselle!**: slaps jack

**Jack Sparrow**: Why'd you do that for?

**Norrington**: -pats back-

**Giselle!**: kisses again

**Norrington**: Don't worry, everything'll be all right...

**Will Turner**: groan

**Jack Sparrow**: crosses arms and walks to the other two

**Elizabeth Swann**: I guess forever isn't very long nowadays, huh?

**Giselle!**: What, Jack? I

**Jack Sparrow**: Elizabeth, may I speak to you in private for a moment?

**Norrington**: I agree, Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: NOo!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay, Jack

**Will Turner**: no private time with Jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: -walks over to Jack-

**Norrington**: Will.

**Giselle!**: Will.

**Will Turner**: yes?

**Norrington**: Come here for a second

**Giselle!**: NO!

**Jack Sparrow**: Elizabeth, why not let bygones be bygones

**Will Turner**: ok :)

**Giselle!**: He's mine now!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay...

**Giselle!**: What! Will?

**Will Turner**: let's not fight over me, there is plenty of me to go around

**Norrington**: -grabs Will's shoulders and shakes hard- WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!

**Giselle!**: Okey dokey.

**Norrington**: HAH? WHAT?

**Jack Sparrow**: just go over and talk it out with him. i'll try and distract giselle

**Will Turner**: what were YOU thinking!

**Giselle!**: Ha. You got what you diserved.

**Norrington**: YOU MADE ELIZABETH CRY FOR GODSAKES

**Will Turner**: taking Elizabeth like that

**Norrington**: She accpeted me!

**Will Turner**: tempting her with your sexiness

**Elizabeth Swann**: He won't listen to me - I wouldn't listen to me.

**Norrington**: Exactly!'

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'M horrible. :'(

**Norrington**: because you weren't there!

**Jack Sparrow**: Well then let's do it together savvy

**Norrington**: where were you, Will? HAH? WHERE WERE YOU?

**Will Turner**: Yes Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Maybe I should let him cool off.

**Jack Sparrow**: ok

**Will Turner**: I was doing my duty!

**Jack Sparrow**: but talk to him later

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't want to force him to love me again.

**Jack Sparrow**: please

**Will Turner**: and playing my organ when the time allowed

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay, I promise Jack.

**Norrington**: Which organ?

**Giselle!**: Oh, Will :)

**Jack Sparrow**: little hug

**Will Turner**: the big one

**Norrington**: THE ORGAN IN YOUR PANTS?!?!?

**Will Turner**: yes!

**Norrington**: The BIG ONE!?!?!?!!?/ HAH. BIG?

**Will Turner**: big Willie - hahah

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha

**Norrington**: I'm suuur the organ in your pants is as big as mine.

**Elizabeth Swann**: side note: I'll brb.

**Will Turner**: I don't know Norrie

**Giselle!**: Hehe. More men for me :)

**Norrington**: well

**Will Turner**: yours is rather gigantic

**Jack Sparrow**: Will, let's have a little chat for a moment

**Norrington**: we can find that out right now

**Jack Sparrow**: you can't compare to mine though

**Will Turner**: maybe we should let Giselle decide?

**Norrington**: OH REALLY… Giselle?

**Giselle!**: Hmmm... Okay!

**Norrington**: -pulls off breeches- see?

**Will Turner**: Jack we know you are the biggest

**Norrington**: Mine is biggest. :)

**Giselle!**: Wait, won't Elizabeth be angry?

**Norrington**: Screw Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: hey look at meeee!

**Giselle!**: Well then!

**Jack Sparrow**: You did that already

**Will Turner**: pulls down pants

**Norrington**: screw her again - just decide

**Will Turner**: oh

**Norrington**: LOOK

**Giselle!**: Hmm...

**Norrington**: -points at it- LOOK!!!!

**Will Turner**: Giselle you are beautiful!

**Norrington**: Mine is bigger!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: ...where is it?

**Will Turner**: I like you better than Scarlett

**Giselle!**: You're trying to seduce me.

**Will Turner**: perhaps… interested?

**Jack Sparrow**: Will, think tentacles!

**Giselle!**: Well...

**Norrington**: BAHAHAHAHA

**Giselle!**: Eww Jack! slaps

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth already gave me bloody tentacles!** Norrington**: Great! Elizabeth!

**Giselle!**: Well, Liz, look what we have here.

**Jack Sparrow**: Elizabeth I really don't think you want to see this

**Elizabeth Swann**: -walks over- What's going on?

**Will Turner**: they haven't shown up yet though

**Norrington**: Will is cheating on your with Giselle!

**Will Turner**: No I'm not!

**Norrington**: Yes you are!

**Giselle!**: Um... your pants.

**Will Turner**: pulls pants up

**Elizabeth Swann**: -cries harder than before-

**Jack Sparrow**: You kind of are though

**Will Turner**: guilty

**Norrington**: -pulls up pants and huigs Elizabeth-

**Jack Sparrow**: Will, go talk to her

**Norrington**: -pats back- There, there

**Will Turner**: Aw, Lizzie I'm sorry

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not you're not

**Giselle!**: No you're not. See!

**Jack Sparrow**: I'll get rid of James

**Giselle!**: She agrees with me!

**Will Turner**: ok well I'm kinda sorry - thanks Jack

**Giselle!**: No you won't Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: You wouldn't have done that in public if you were.

**Norrington**: It's OK, Elizabeth, if he's given up on you, then it's his own problem

**Giselle!**: slaps

Norrie, get a LIFE!

**Will Turner**: Will you please tell me why you did it with Norrie!

**Norrington**: -pats Elizabeth's back comfortingly-

**Jack Sparrow**: pulls James away and tries to burry him again

**Elizabeth Swann**: I didn't think you were a quitter, Will.

**Norrington**: NO

**Giselle!**: Jeez.

**Will Turner**: explain that to me

**Norrington**: -pushes Jack away- -hugs Elizabeth-

**Jack Sparrow**: punches James

**Norrington**: OW

**Giselle!**: slaps James

**Norrington**: OK, YOU ASKED FOR IT, SPARROW!

**Giselle!**: Get away!

**Norrington**: OWWWWW

**Jack Sparrow**: -trips James-

**Will Turner**: Don't hurt Norrie!

**Giselle!**: slaps Jack

**Norrington**: i am TRYING to COMFORT SOMEONE HERE

**Elizabeth Swann**: -walks away from the chaos

**Jack Sparrow**: hey

**Norrington**: -winds Jack-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -shooks head sadly-

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth come back!

**Giselle!**: goes to Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: This is madness.

**Giselle!**: It's alright , dear.

**Norrington**: -runs over to Elizabeth- ignore them Elizabeth...

**Will Turner**: cat fight!

**Jack Sparrow**: where's Ana when you need her

**Elizabeth Swann**: Get away from me!

**Giselle!**: I'm sure Will didn't mean it

**Norrington**: Who me?

**Giselle!**: Or, did he?

**Will Turner**: all I did was kiss Giselle!

**Norrington**: Look, Will is stuck in rage right now...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I've never liked you Tortuga girls!

**Giselle!**: Why?

**Will Turner**: you had relations with that Commodore

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs away-


	8. Chapter 8

**Norrington**: It's best you let him be with his thoughts

**Jack Sparrow**: they're not all bad

**Giselle!**: kisses Jack

**Norrington**: -runs after Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs further-

**Jack Sparrow**: No, I love ana now. sorry

**Giselle!**: I always liked you, Jack. Too bad!

**Will Turner**: -CotFD apparates in front of Elizabeth- Elizabeth, answer me!

**Norrington**: -catches up to Elizabeth- -bashes into Will-

**Jack Sparrow**: ...then why do you keep slapping me?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -Elizabeth turns around and runs-

**Norrington**: Owwwwwwwwww.

**Will Turner**: Ow! Norrie!

**Norrington**: Will, get out from under me!

**Giselle!**: Because its fun :)

**Will Turner**: save that for later!

**Norrington**: -gets off Will-

**Will Turner**: I'm trying to save my marriage and more importantly my face

**Norrington**: Fine then, -runs after Elizabeth-

**Giselle!**: Of course, handsome.

**Elizabeth Swann**: side note: This is seriously insane. LOL.

**Jack Sparrow**: I never really pictured you as having tentacles

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, what does Norrie have that I don't?

**Norrington**: A BIGGER PENIS IS WHAT

**Jack Sparrow**: Land

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, is this true?

**Elizabeth Swann**: He doesn't cheat on me RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

**Norrington**: Well...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I think you guys are about the same.

**Will Turner**: that's very diplomatic of you

**Giselle!**: Jack, is this Ana thing serious?

**Norrington**: Please! Elizabeth, please, hear me out...

**Jack Sparrow**: Well, we do have children

**Will Turner**: Jack, remember your children… good

**Giselle!**: Who said I didn't have children?

**Jack Sparrow**: so I'd call that pretty serious

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will - remember OUR children?

**Norrington**: But -

**Giselle!**: Hmmm?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Or DON'T you?!

**Will Turner**: yes! One kiss Elizabeth, just one!

**Norrington**: BAHAHA. One Kiss????

**Elizabeth Swann**: Kisses can't make up for everything.

**Jack Sparrow**: Why don't you and Norrie have children Giselle and then we'd all be square

**Will Turner**: who kissed JACK when we were engaged huh?

**Norrington**: ACHHHHH

**Giselle!**: Jack... come on. Who said I don't?

**Jack Sparrow**: You leave me out of that

**Norrington**: BURN ELIZABETH

**Elizabeth Swann**: To KILL HIM remember?!

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah I died

**Elizabeth Swann**: THAT was settled.

**Will Turner**: you never told me that!

**Giselle!**: Yeah... riiiiiight.

**Norrington**: well - well, who TOOK AWAY MY FIANCEE, WHEN I ASKED FIRST, HUH WILL????

**Will Turner**: you had to keep it all inside

**Elizabeth Swann**: YES I DID.

**Norrington**: HAH.

**Will Turner**: sorry Norrie

**Jack Sparrow**: Where is Ana?

**Will Turner**: but Elizabeth was mad for me - what could I do?

**Norrington**: your enot sorry - if you were you wouldnt have done it in the first place

**Elizabeth Swann**: I've never wanted Jack!

**Giselle!**: But Will, she clung to JACK's leg in the battle? Didja miss that part? Hello! TRUE LOVE!

**Jack Sparrow**: Thank you

**Will Turner**: good!

**Elizabeth Swann**: He asked me to MARRY HIM and I said NO.

**Giselle!**: She doesn't want you.

**Norrington**: you never said no

**Jack Sparrow**: it'd never work out between us anyway

**Norrington**: you said yes!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I said no to Jack

**Will Turner**: no to Jack you moron

**Norrington**: ohhh

**Giselle!**: You didn't answer: YOU SAID HE WAS A GOOD MAN AND YOU WANTED TO BE PERSUADED.

**Elizabeth Swann**: side note: HAHAHAHA.

**Giselle!**: So, have you been persuaded.

**Will Turner**: Norrie help me make up with Elizabeth!

**Jack Sparrow**: don't ask him

**Giselle!**: I don't think thats a no.

**Jack Sparrow**: he'll try and steal her again

**Giselle!**: DUH! Jack, why aren't you trying to steal her again?

**Will Turner**: but he doesn't love Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm extremely depressed and confused right now.

**Will Turner**: hugs Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO!

**Norrington**: Elizabeth dont be... -hugs Elizabeth- you should be happy. -slaps off Will-

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah I'm a little confused myself

**Elizabeth Swann**: -moves away-

**Will Turner**: I'll forgive you if you just tell me why you did it!

**Jack Sparrow**: Notice I'm the only one not trying to get any from Elizabeth

**Norrington**: SHE DID IT BECAUSE SHE WAS IN THE MOOD

**Jack Sparrow**: for once

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs away from everyone-

**Norrington**: BUT YOU WERENT THERE, WILL

**Giselle!**: Soo... while this is going on... Jack...

**Norrington**: ONLY I WAS

**Elizabeth Swann**: I can't HANDLE this!

**Norrington**: so THERE

**Will Turner**: she could've found me

**Jack Sparrow**: ...yes

**Will Turner**: and I would've JOINED YOU!

**Norrington**: -runs after Elizabeth-

**Giselle!**: What do you wanna do?

**Norrington**: I'll leave them be, Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: want some rum?

**Giselle!**: Sure.

**Will Turner**: grabs Jack's rum

**Giselle!**: drinks rum

**Will Turner**: thanks

**Jack Sparrow**: hey

**Giselle!**: hey!

**Jack Sparrow**: Meanie

**Will Turner**: hahaha suckers

**Norrington**: But, um, what do you think you should do about this situation?

**Giselle!**: Is Liz pregnant?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -sits away from everyone and watches- I can't handle this.

**Will Turner**: With Norrie's kid?

**Norrington**: -sits next to Elizabeth-

**Will Turner**: I can't bear to think of it

**Elizabeth Swann**: WHAT?

**Norrington**: Don't feel too down about it, Norry

**Will Turner**: sits on other side

**Giselle!**: Are you pregnant?

**Norrington**: i mean

Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: are you?

**Jack Sparrow**: are you?

**Giselle!**: Seriously now.

**Norrington**: are you?

**Elizabeth Swann**: AHHH! I DON'T KNOW!

**Giselle!**: WHAT?

**Elizabeth Swann**: LEAVE ME ALONE!

**Giselle!**: You DON"T KNOW?

**Will Turner**: you don't?

**Giselle!**: How can you NOT KNOW?

**Norrington**: Elizabeth, dont feel confused... -hugs Elizabeth-

**Will Turner**: oh just go be with James

**Elizabeth Swann**: BECAUSE I DON'T! -starts crying hysterically-

**Jack Sparrow**: When was the last time you..you know. got all bloody?

**Will Turner**: that's what you want isn't it?

**Giselle!**: Norrington let her answer the question...

**Norrington**: -pats back comfortingly-

**Will Turner**: side note: hahaha

**Jack Sparrow**: side note: lol

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack- Two months ago.

**Jack Sparrow**: couldn't resist

**Norrington**: Don't feel bad just because you once loved a man with a smaller organ than me

**Giselle!**: Oh SNAP! Two months?

**Norrington**: It's all over now, Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: two months that means it can't be James'!

**Jack Sparrow**: that's right

**Norrington**: Exactly!

**Will Turner**: we're gonna have another baby, Elizabeth!

**Norrington**: Wait...

**Giselle!**: ...darn.

**Will Turner**: I love you! kiss

**Norrington**: Damn it.

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha


	9. Chapter 9

**Elizabeth Swann**: Does this mean I'm pregnant?

**Giselle!**: Ummm... YEAH!

**Will Turner**: yes!

**Jack Sparrow**: you were pregnant before weren't you

**Giselle!**: Ugh.

**Jack Sparrow**: you should know

**Norrington**: Screw you all! Elizabeth especially! -walks away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't know.

**Giselle!**: Come back Norrie!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -continues crying-

**Jack Sparrow**: have you been eating more?

**Giselle!**: -runs to norrie- -comforts norrie with a hug-

**Will Turner**: please forgive me for kissing Giselle, Elizabeth

**Giselle!**: I'm so sorry.

**Will Turner**: she meant nothing to me

**Norrington**: Screw off, Giselle -pushes Giselle away-

**Will Turner**: she's a nice person though

**Elizabeth Swann**: Do you forgive me for what I did with Norrington?

**Giselle!**: Norrie, I'm comforting you!

**Will Turner**: but you are the one that I want to take to be.. I mean the one I love… I guess so

**Norrington**: -runs off- I DONT NEED COMFORT FROM THE LIKES OF YOU

**Giselle!**: paradise city?

**Jack Sparrow**: yay

**Elizabeth Swann**: You just GUESS SO?

**Will Turner**: I do!

I forgive you!

**Jack Sparrow**: yay again

**Giselle!**: NORRIEEEEE!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Good.

**Will Turner**: happy now?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes.

If you're happy.

**Giselle!**: -runs to norrie-

**Norrington**: SCREW OFF ALREADY, GISELLE

**Will Turner**: now c'mere Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: kiss and make up

**Giselle!**: She's not worth you.

**Norrington**: I SAID SCREW OFF!!

**Will Turner**: I've been neglected long enough

**Elizabeth Swann**: -hugs Will-

**Giselle!**: Why do you hate me?

**Norrington**: -cllimbs up tree-

**Will Turner**: make up kiss

**Giselle!**: WHY NORRIE WHY???

**Norrington**: BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING MARY SUE

**Jack Sparrow**: good on you guys

**Norrington**: side note: woops/

**Jack Sparrow**: and norrington

**Elizabeth Swann**: -drags Will to the nearest bedroom-

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth!

**Jack Sparrow**: you suck

**Will Turner**: my cabin now!

**Jack Sparrow**: side note: but not really ;)

**Giselle!**: I'm not a mary sue, I'm a tortuga wench. GET IT STRAIGHT!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -pushes Will roughly into the room-

-closes the door-

**Norrington**: SAME FUCKING THING, GISELLE!

**Jack Sparrow**: I miss my Ana pouts(

**Norrington**: LEAVE ME BE ALREADY!

**Will Turner**: thank god our fight is over

**Giselle!**: Seriously though, Norrie, we could be happy.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes - THANK GOD.

**Norrington**: NO WE COULD NOT.

**Will Turner**: I hate it when we fight!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Me too. I love you, Will.

**Giselle!**: You WANNA be alone the REST OF YOUR LIFE!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I really do.

**Norrington**: YES, I DO

**Will Turner**: I love you more!

**Norrington**: I WANT TO BE ALONE.

**Giselle!**: Why ?

**Will Turner**: wait didn't I already say that?

**Norrington**: NOW! LEAVE ME BE FOR CHRISTS SAKE

**Giselle!**: NORRIE COME ON!

**Will Turner**: it doesn't matter

**Norrington**: NO!

**Will Turner**: I adore you!

**Norrington**: NEVER!

**Giselle!**: -climbs up tree-

**Jack Sparrow**: brb

**Norrington**: -JUMPS OFF TREE-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I adore you too

**Will Turner**: I need you I want you oh baby baby

**Giselle!**: -tackles norrie-

**Will Turner**: groans

**Norrington**: -RUNS OFF-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Take me then.

**Jack Sparrow**: back

**Giselle!**: -tackles again-

**Norrington**: -ducks-

**Jack Sparrow**: and still alone :(

**Will Turner**: come over to the organ

**Norrington**: -runs-

**Giselle!**: Norrinton I just want to talk!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay...

**Norrington**: NO!

**Will Turner**: sit on the bench

**Norrington**: WE WILL NOT TALK

**Elizabeth Swann**: -sitting-

**Norrington**: -runs away-

**Jack Sparrow**: I'm not a perfect persoooooonnnnnnnnnnnnn

**Norrington**: -dives into deep blue sea-

-drowns-

**Will Turner**: are you ready for me, Elizabeth?

**Giselle!**: Listen. I just want to say that I am really sorry that you lost the love of your life, and I respect that you are still mourning her.

**Norrington**: -appears on Dutchman-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I was born ready.

**Norrington**: hey, I'm dead, guys!

HI!!!

**Giselle!**: Happy, norrie?

**Will Turner**: great!

**Norrington**: Oh-

**Elizabeth Swann**: side note: ROFL.

**Norrington**: Oops.

**Will Turner**: censored-

**Jack Sparrow**: I thought you were already dead?

**Norrington**: sorry to interrupt, but i just died...

**Will Turner**: Don't stop, Elizabeth!

**Norrington**: HOLY SHIT... I'M OUT OF HERE! -jumps off railing-

**Giselle!**: -dives after norrie-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -morecensorness-

**Norrington**: -paddles away-

**Giselle!**: NORRIE !

**Norrington**: NOOOOOO

**Elizabeth Swann**: Faster, WIll!

**Giselle!**: Jack HELP MEE!

**Jack Sparrow**: No

**Norrington**: I DO NOT WANT UNDERWATER SEX

**Giselle!**: JACK GET OVER HERE!

**Jack Sparrow**: No

**Norrington**: -swims away-

**Giselle!**: We have to save norrie!

**Will Turner**: Yesssssss!

**Jack Sparrow**: I don't care

go then

**Giselle!**: Fine.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Deeper, Will!

**Norrington**: -swims faster-

**Giselle!**: -comes back-

**Norrington**: -swims deeper-

**Jack Sparrow**: side note: hahahahahaha

**Norrington**: side note: LMAO

**Will Turner**: you feel so tight!

ahhhh

**Giselle!**: So, Jack, where are Will and Elizabeth?

**Norrington**: -swims deeper-

**Jack Sparrow**: You don't want to know

80

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're DEFINITELY bigger then Norrie!

**Giselle!**: Yes I do pouts innocently

**Will Turner**: thank the lord

**Jack Sparrow**: having sex on the Dutchman

**Will Turner**: 2 hours later

**Jack Sparrow**: happy?

**Giselle!**: Didn't want to know.

**Norrington**: -clambers on land-

**Giselle!**: Where's Ana, Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: well you shouldn't have asked

**Norrington**: -falls onto back- Damn I hate swimming

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're much better than Norrie, Will.

**Will Turner**: that was bloody perfect

**Jack Sparrow**: I don't know. I miss her almost as much as I miss the pearl

**Will Turner**: you're perfect

**Norrington**: -blacks out-

**Will Turner**: why thank you

**Giselle!**: I'm sorry.

**Jack Sparrow**: it's okay

**Giselle!**: Tell me about you're kids, Jack.

**Will Turner**: I'm sure I'm longer too

**Elizabeth Swann**: YOU'RE PERFECT.

Most definitely.

**Will Turner**: blush

**Elizabeth Swann**: You take your time.

**Jack Sparrow**: Well there's Sammi, she's the oldest. Followed by Teague whos

**Will Turner**: why am I blushing after what we did!

**Jack Sparrow**: a mini me

**Giselle!**: Aw, how cute!

**Jack Sparrow**: and then there's the baby and she's only a few weeks ol

**Will Turner**: I've always wanted to take you on the organ, Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: Really? ;)

**Giselle!**: See, norrie! I can TALK to someone without... you know.

**Will Turner**: well what else was I supposed to think bout for ten years?

**Giselle!**: Right Jack?

**Will Turner**: I had a lot of time on my hands

**Jack Sparrow**: yup. no sex here

**Elizabeth Swann**: Too right you are.

Me too.

I practiced for you an awful lot.

**Will Turner**: did you think of me every night?

me too!

**Elizabeth Swann**: EVERY NIGHT.

**Giselle!**: Oh god -gags-

**Jack Sparrow**: James, what're you doing...?

**Norrington**: What?

What did I do now?

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth it was torture without you there

**Norrington**: OH WHOA

**Jack Sparrow**: Where did you get that fish?

**Norrington**: WHY AM I HERE

**Elizabeth Swann**: It was toture for me too.

**Will Turner**: my hand isn't nearly as good as your lips

**Norrington**: GET THIS BARRACUDA OFF OF ME

**Giselle!**: Eww. That's pathetic.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ditto for you.

**Norrington**: OW! IT'S PINCHING MY- OW!

**Will Turner**: side note: awkward

**Giselle!**: Let me hel!

**Norrington**: JESUS CHRIST

OW

OW

OW

**Jack Sparrow**: side note: you think?

**Giselle!**: help

**Elizabeth Swann**: side note: very.

**Norrington**: GET THIS FCUKING THING OFF

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, should we get back to Jack and the gang?

**Norrington**: IT'S BITING MY - OWWWWWWW

OW

**Jack Sparrow**: you heard him Giselle. get it off

**Norrington**: OW GET IT OFF

**Giselle!**: I thought you didn't want MY HELP?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes, let's go!

**Norrington**: OWWWWWWWW

**Giselle!**: What now?

**Norrington**: i dont want your help!

**Giselle!**: HMM?

**Will Turner**: alrighty then!

**Norrington**: GO AWAY - OWWWWWWW

**Elizabeth Swann**: -opens the door-

**Giselle!**: WANT MY HELP NOW?

**Norrington**: NO'

OWWW

**Will Turner**: what happened?!?!

**Jack Sparrow**: You don't want to see this

**Giselle!**: Haha.

**Elizabeth Swann**: What's going ON?!

**Norrington**: SHIT- IT'S TEARING OFF MY- OWWWWWWWWWWW

OW!!

**Will Turner**: what is?

**Norrington**: THE SKIN IS RIPPING !OOOWWWWWWWW

**Giselle!**: You DESERVE it mate!

**Norrington**: OH GOD OW

**Elizabeth Swann**: What's Norrie doing?

**Norrington**: FUCK!!!!

THE BARRACUDA - OWWW

**Jack Sparrow**: Just get the damn thing off!!

**Norrington**: IT'S EATING MY

OWWWWWWWWWWWW

**Will Turner**: omg a barracuda?

**Norrington**: OW OW OW OW OW

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will - help him!

**Giselle!**: Will, here's the revenge you've been wanting!

**Norrington**: IT'S IN MY PANTS

OW

**Will Turner**: -sword throw-

**Norrington**: IT'S TEARING OFF MY- OWWWWWW

**Will Turner**: did I get it?

**Norrington**: NO

**Giselle!**: Nope.

**Norrington**: YOU GOT MY- OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**Elizabeth Swann**: Try again!

**Will Turner**: where did the sword go?

**Norrington**: OH GOD

**Giselle!**: Elizabeth you don't want to see this, trust me.

**Norrington**: YOUR SWORD IS IN MY SWORD

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha

**Will Turner**: Jack give me your sword

**Norrington**: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

JESUS FCUKING CHRSIT

**Will Turner**: sorry Norrie!

**Norrington**: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**Elizabeth Swann**: -watches sautiously-

**Norrington**: OW

**Jack Sparrow**: hands sword

**Will Turner**: I was aiming for the barracuda

sword throw again

**Norrington**: WELL YOU GOT SOMETHING ELSE, DIDNT YOU

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**Will Turner**: better?

**Norrington**: MY STOMACH!

YOU GOT MY STOMACH

OWWWWWWWWWWWWW

JESUS

MY- MY- OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

**Will Turner**: I won't be doing that again

**Jack Sparrow**: How many times do we have to tell you; you're already DEAD!!

**Will Turner**: Cringe

**Norrington**: -pulls off barracuda and flings into ocean-

**Jack Sparrow**: Finally :)

**Giselle!**: So, when guys kiss Elizabeth they die. And when they sleep with her, they are tortured.

**Norrington**: -holds crotch- Ow.

**Will Turner**: apparently

uh oh!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I resent that.

**Giselle!**: Hm... Will, you're next, I guess.

**Jack Sparrow**: Is it bleeding?

**Norrington**: oh, god, my- it's - oh, jesus

OW

**Will Turner**: save me!

**Giselle!**: What happened to Will?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will?!

**Norrington**: owwww...

-faints in agony-

**Will Turner**: the curse of sleeping with Elizabeth!

it's real!

**Giselle!**: DUH!

**Will Turner**: look what happened to Norry?

**Elizabeth Swann**:'(

**Jack Sparrow**: kicks james a few times to check for unconsciousness

**Giselle!**: I don't have a curse.

Well...

**Will Turner**: don't kick him, Jack!

**Jack Sparrow**: no

**Will Turner**: even if he is dead

**Jack Sparrow**: men tend to get slapped

**Giselle!**: Is he dead now?

**Norrington**: -wakes up- owwww

**Will Turner**: oh well, Elizabeth is worth it!

**Giselle!**: Here here Jackie!

**Will Turner**: hugs wife

**Norrington**: my - my - ow...

SOMEONE GET ME STITCHES

**Elizabeth Swann**: -hugs Will-

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh shake it off and be a man

**Norrington**: IT'S - IT'S TORN

**Will Turner**: who doesn't like Will torture?

**Giselle!**: Uh... now.

**Will Turner**: fess up Norrie

**Giselle!**: Ohhh I don't.

mind

**Will Turner**: there's one

**Giselle!**: Will torture.

**Jack Sparrow**: me either

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't like it!

**Will Turner**: Norrie?

**Giselle!**: sorry I have to go!

**Will Turner**: thanks, Liz

**Jack Sparrow**: and the strumpet is gone for the moment

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where'd Giselle have to go?

**Norrington**: OWWW.

**Will Turner**: I dunno I think she had a customer

**Jack Sparrow**: yeah

**Will Turner**: Alex Beckett

**Elizabeth Swann**: Good - I want her to stay away from all of you.

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha i was going to say that

**Will Turner**: poor Giselle I don't envy her

**Norrington**: ALEXANDER BECKETT?

oooo

**Will Turner**: yes! your old flame

**Norrington**: i used to screw that guy eery night...

um

i mean

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew.

**Norrington**: "talk to".


	10. Chapter 10

**Will Turner**: TMI!

**Jack Sparrow**: right after me? ;)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right.

**Norrington**: replace "screw" with talk to

yes, right after Jack

**Will Turner**: talking with your bodies?

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha

**Elizabeth Swann**:D

**Norrington**: -ignores will- actually, you met him once didnt you jack?

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth and I do that all the time

**Elizabeth Swann**: That we do.

**Jack Sparrow**: yes. when I was still working for his brother

**Will Turner**: Hey Norrie, Elizabeth said I was bigger than you!

**Norrington**: ...

**Jack Sparrow**: I could've told you that

**Will Turner**: so there!

**Norrington**: -.-

**Will Turner**: how would you know, Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: and I'm the biggest ;)

**Will Turner**: yeah

**Norrington**: riiiiiiight

**Elizabeth Swann**: I think Will's the biggest. Sorry, Jack.

**Jack Sparrow**: whatever

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth?!?!?!

WTF?!?!?

**Norrington**: how would you know Jack's size?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm just guessing!!!

**Will Turner**: you've seen Jack's thingy?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't!!!

NO!!!!

**Norrington**: riiight

**Jack Sparrow**: side note: hahaha

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm guessing, I SWEAR!

**Will Turner**: oh man this blows

**Norrington**: dont deny it Elizabeth, you've seen ALLL of our penises

-crosses arms-

**Jack Sparrow**: She's never had the Jack sparrow experience

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO - not JACK'S!

**Norrington**: dont deny it

we all know it

**Elizabeth Swann**: SEE!!!

**Will Turner**: I want to believe you

**Elizabeth Swann**: BELIEVE ME! PLEASE!

**Jack Sparrow**: Will would I ever lie to you

**Will Turner**: persuade me, Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: I really promise this time.

**Will Turner**: yes!

**Norrington**: -rolls eyes- yeah, right

**Will Turner**: you lie all the friggin time!

**Elizabeth Swann**: How do you want me to persuade you?

I WILL.

**Will Turner**: guess!

**Norrington**: and i go to office suites for masturbation!

hah.

-.-

wait...

**Will Turner**: haha Norrie can't get any

**Jack Sparrow**: Jack has to leave for a little while. bye

**Norrington**: NO

**Will Turner**: unfortunately so does Will

**Elizabeth Swann**: Bye Jack!

**Norrington**: JACK DONT LEAVE ME...

**Will Turner**: he has kitty duty

**Norrington**: ohh

**Will Turner**: brb

**Elizabeth Swann**: Don't leave me with Norrie, Will!

**Jack Sparrow**: and Jack has to act like he's a part of his family lol

bye

**Norrington**: OK then, Willy boy, i'll take care of Elizabeth for you while you're gone

**Elizabeth Swann**: WILL!!!!

Not again.

**Norrington**: So, Elizabeth, how're you doing?

-sits down cross-legged on sand-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm getting by.

-sits next to Norrie-

You?

**Norrington**: Ah, well...

I'm managing...

um

**Elizabeth Swann**: Me too.

**Norrington**: look, we all know I'm the horny bastard that always pleads for everything...

so I'll get it out now

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah...

**Norrington**: Is Will really bigger than me?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah...sorry.

**Norrington**: oh

how many inches?

you know...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mmmm.

**Norrington**: Subway sandwich?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let me think...

**Norrington**: that big?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not THAT much.

**Norrington**: oh

well, um...

**Elizabeth Swann**: maybe only a couple more.

**Norrington**: ah...

right..

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah...

So...

**Norrington**: Sooo...

**Elizabeth Swann**: How're things with Giselle?

Norrington: theres nothing on with giselle  
Elizabeth Swann: I thought Jack said you guys were going to get together?  
Norrington: no fcuking way  
Elizabeth Swann: Oh.  
Will Turner: I'm back!  
Norrington: not a chance in high hell  
Elizabeth Swann: WILL!  
Norrington: Hello there Will  
Will Turner: My love!  
not you Norrie  
Elizabeth  
Elizabeth Swann: We just sat and talked this time, I promise!  
Will Turner: just so you know  
Norrington: see, we did nothing to sacrifice honor  
Will Turner: TALKED!?!?  
what does that MEAN??!?!  
Elizabeth Swann: NOT WITH OUR BODIES!  
Norrington: Yeah, just talked  
Will Turner: oh ok then  
Elizabeth Swann: just regular  
Will Turner:)  
Elizabeth Swann:)  
Norrington: no, just with out mouths, we talked  
i mean  
Will Turner: mouths?  
Norrington: we only talked with our mouths  
Elizabeth Swann: I told you were bigger than him.  
So, be happy.  
Will Turner: thanks!  
Norrington: I mean, not talk talk with our mouths...  
Will Turner: I am very happy  
Elizabeth Swann: Good.  
Norrington: i mean, just converse in light conversation  
Elizabeth Swann: yeah.  
Will Turner: a little too happy  
where did Jack go?  
Elizabeth Swann: Again, Will?  
Norrington: Too... happy...  
Will Turner: again  
Norrington: oh.  
Will Turner: I'm insatiable!  
Norrington: oh. I get it.  
fine, i'll leave then!  
-jumps into water-  
Will Turner: that's not what I meant  
Elizabeth Swann: Of course you are! After those ten years alone.  
Norrie!  
Will Turner: dran look what I did  
Elizabeth Swann: Come back!  
Will Turner: I'll save you James!  
Elizabeth Swann: Gosh Will -dran!  
Norrington: -body drifts back to shore-  
Will Turner: -jumps after him-  
Elizabeth Swann: Hurry Will!  
Will Turner: James! Wake up!  
Elizabeth Swann: James!  
Will Turner: Slaps him silly  
Elizabeth Swann: Wait...isn't he already dead?  
Norrington: Whoa  
Will Turner: Jamie, please wake up  
Norrington: HOLD UP RIGHT THERE  
WIll,  
Will Turner: yes he's already dead  
Norrington: you do NOT slap other men  
Will Turner: but still  
I worry about him  
he gets rejected alot  
Norrington: although Jack did slap Gibbs, but Jack's gay  
Elizabeth Swann: Me too.  
Will Turner: right  
Elizabeth Swann: Jack's BI - NOT gay.  
Will Turner: but Gibbs did lose the Pearl so..  
Norrington: Right.  
Will Turner: that's true he does love Ana  
Elizabeth Swann: Mhm.  
Norrington: yes.  
So, guys...  
um...  
Elizabeth Swann: yeah?  
Will Turner: yes?  
Norrington: Up for a threesome?  
Will Turner: Elizabeth?  
Elizabeth Swann: Will?  
Norrington: side note: i cant breathe - laughing  
Will Turner: pleads  
Elizabeth Swann: It's up to you.  
Will Turner: It's UP to me?  
Elizabeth Swann: yes.  
Will Turner: stop teasing me woman  
Norrington: oh god, please dont be the Melty Man right now...  
Elizabeth Swann: I'm not! you decide.  
Will Turner: I say go for it!  
Norrington: right then!  
Elizabeth Swann: Okay.  
Norrington: um  
Where exactly?  
Elizabeth Swann: I don't care.  
Will Turner: there's always my cabin!  
Elizabeth Swann: NO!  
Norrington: No!  
Will Turner: why?  
Elizabeth Swann: That's OUR special place  
Norrington: please, no.  
Will Turner: ok fine TOUCHY!  
Norrington: Well actually I was going to say that I wouldve played with the organ but...  
um...  
that came out wrong.

Elizabeth Swann: Don't you consider it our special place?  
Will Turner: I love playing with the organ!  
please elizabeth?  
Elizabeth Swann: ..Fine.  
Will Turner: every place is special when you are there Elizabeth :)  
Elizabeth Swann: Suck up.  
Will Turner: you know you like it  
Norrington: back  
Elizabeth Swann: Sometimes.  
Norrington: -.-  
can you guys NOT talk about that in front of me?  
please...  
Will Turner: ok  
Elizabeth Swann: okay, sorry.  
Norrington: So, um  
Will Turner: Shall we?  
Norrington: shall we start right here then?  
William Turner: Elizabeth I can't wait any longer!  
Norrington: Me neither!  
Elizabeth Swann: Okay...  
Norrington: I'm already stiff!  
William Turner: I'm about to explode here  
Norrington: Let's go - we'd better swim quickly  
Elizabeth Swann: How do you guys wanna do this?  
William Turner: thank god for WILLpower  
Norrington: SWIM!  
William Turner: you'd best be in the middle dearest  
Norrington: -dives into water and swims-  
Elizabeth Swann: -swims faster-  
Norrington: -toward dutchman-  
William Turner: -apparates-  
Elizabeth Swann: -gets up on the ship-  
William Turner: beat you!


	11. Chapter 11

**Norrington**: -climbs up rigging-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Only by 1 second.

**Norrington**: -collapses on deck- God, how did you get here so fricking fast?

OK, to the cabin...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm a good swimmer.

**William Turner**: I have special Willpowers

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let's go...

**William Turner**: Let's get it on! sings

**Norrington**: -follows Will-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -follows both men-

**William Turner**: come with me loves

**Norrington**: -.-

**William Turner**: voila - my cabin!

**Norrington**: So, we're in here, now what?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Well...

**Norrington**: do we have foreplay?

**William Turner**: what do you think?

Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't care.

**William Turner**: great!

**Norrington**: uhh...

**William Turner**: we're not to that part yet Norrie

but that is a delightful sound

**Norrington**: well i dont need foreplay... -points to pants- although it was attacked by a barracuda, i'm still here...

**Elizabeth Swann**: side note: ROFL.

**William Turner**: side note: bows

**Norrington**: SN: LMAO

side note: i wish i could hear that

**William Turner**: yeah me neither!

side note: god me too!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: HAHAH.

**Norrington**: side note: oh I already have. Episode One of Coupling

**William Turner**: SN: not fair!

**Norrington**: side note: and im serious here

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: Jeez. :D

**Norrington**: SN: back to the story now i think

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: That would be good.

**Norrington**: OK guys so... who sits where

**Elizabeth Swann**: You decide.

**Norrington**: like, Will, do you want in fron of Elizabeth?

or behind?

**William Turner**: I'd better sit on the bench

**Elizabeth Swann**: IN FRONT.

**William Turner**: yes

you don't get that lucky pal

**Norrington**: Ah. Okay...

Damn it.

**Elizabeth Swann**:)

**Norrington**: Fine, you two go ahead and screw each other recklessly, and I'll start donationg buckteloads to the sperm bank.

**William Turner**: sn: ROFL!

**Norrington**: That way, we're all happy.

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: LOL!

**Norrington**: SN: thank you. :)

**William Turner**: oh come on James, don't be such a pessimist

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah.

**Norrington**: Well, if you get front, you get everything!

**William Turner**: we're all in this together sings

**Elizabeth Swann**: Behind is still good...

**Norrington**: i mean she has no arse, so what else?

-srugs-

**William Turner**: she does too!

sort of

sorry dear

**Elizabeth Swann**: Trust Will - he knows.

**Norrington**: -grins- keep telling yourself that darlin'

**Elizabeth Swann**: I do too!

**Norrington**: where's the bucket?

**William Turner**: and what a nice one it is too!

**Norrington**: oh, here it is.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Fine - what do you want then Norrie?

**William Turner**: Elizabeth, Norrie is hinting at something

**Norrington**: You guys can start screwing, I'll just watch, masturbate, and get generous to the sperm bank

**Elizabeth Swann**: See!

**Norrington**: -crosses amrs-

**William Turner**: I just don't know what I feel about you taking Elizabeth!

even though you've already done it

oh what the hell

**Norrington**: Well, start already! It's like I'm just watching a porn movie or something

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ah.

**Norrington**: so hurry up, I'm starting to droop...

**William Turner**: Ahhhhh!

**Norrington**: it's getting boring...

**William Turner**: Elizabeth what do you want to do?

**Norrington**: side note: I can't look at my poster anymore

**William Turner**: we're dying over here!

**Norrington**: side note: i feel verry perverted here.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I already said I didn't care!

**William Turner**: sn: it's ok

**Norrington**: START SCREWING ALREADY

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: it's okay, me too.

I don't feel right about this...

**William Turner**: sn: we can do a censored

**Elizabeth Swann**: I meant about leaving Norrie out.

**William Turner**: oh!

**Elizabeth Swann**: LOL.

**William Turner**: haha

**Norrington**: oh it's OK darling; im used to it by myself

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't want him to feel bad.

**William Turner**: thought you were wigging out there

**Norrington**: i mean, what do you think I do at home?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Nah.

**William Turner**: Elizabeth, I say that I share you

**Elizabeth Swann**: But, I still feel bad! i want you both to be happy!

**Norrington**: come on! This commodore's getting bored.

**William Turner**: just for tonight

and other nights possibly if this goes well

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah, Norrie - just for tonight.

**William Turner**: ;)

**Norrington**: Just let me watch you two, and i'll get donating, okay!?

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;)

**Norrington**: -aims at bucket-

**William Turner**: Just take her already!

sn: hahahaha

**Elizabeth Swann**: PICK!

**William Turner**: pick who?

**Norrington**: start screwing!

**William Turner**: You have to join us!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I thought you wanted a threesome?

**Norrington**: im TRYING to donate to those that wanna give birth

**William Turner**: oh stop it James

**Norrington**: well, yeah, but you guys are too busy with each other, so...'

**William Turner**: you know you want us

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes you do.

**Norrington**: well, yeah, but...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Come on!

**William Turner**: grabs James

**Norrington**: UHH

**Elizabeth Swann**: -grabs the other side of him-

**William Turner**: let us show you what we can do for you

**Norrington**: -CENSORED-

**Elizabeth Swann**: yes

**Norrington**: uhh, god...

UH

**William Turner**: Right there, Elizabeth!

**Norrington**: uuuuuuuuuuuuhhh

oh yes

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right up there, Will!

**Norrington**: nuhhhhhhhhhhh

oh, oh, oooohh

**William Turner**: ahhhh!

**Norrington**: SN: i feel awkward.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Harder!

SN: VERY.

**William Turner**: sn: yeah

**Norrington**: sn: ooh well

ooooohhhhhh

uhg

**William Turner**: ahhhhhhhh

**Norrington**: WILL-

**William Turner**: JAAAAAAAAMES

**Norrington**: uhhhh

ELIZ- ELIZAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

UHHHHHHHH

**William Turner**: sn: rofl

**Norrington**: I MISSED THE BUCKET! DAMN...

**Elizabeth Swann**: JAMESSSSSSSSSS

**William Turner**: I can't hold back any longer!

**Norrington**: sn: oh, god, what did I just make James say?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let it go, boys!

**Norrington**: oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh

-falls back onto bed-

**William Turner**: ughhhhhhhhhhhh

**Elizabeth Swann**: -collapses-

**William Turner**: pant

that gasp was gasp

**Elizabeth Swann**: Amazing?

**William Turner**: fcuking amazing

**Norrington**: we missed the bucket, Will... three times...

oh, fcuk it all, LET'S GO AGAIN!

**William Turner**: maybe you did

OKAY!

**Norrington**: -CENSORED TO THE LAST DROP-

**Elizabeth Swann**: OKAY!

AHHHH!

**William Turner**: say my name, Elizabeth!

**Norrington**: sn: oh god, that sounded really, really perverted

UHHHHHHH

OH

**Elizabeth Swann**: WILLIAMMMMM!

**William Turner**: sn: yes it did

**Norrington**: OH, OH, OHHH, UHHHHH...

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: very much

**Norrington**: OHHHHHHHhhhhhh

**William Turner**: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Yes!

**Norrington**: I MISSED THE BUCKET AGAIN

**William Turner**: dran


	12. Chapter 12

**William Turner**: sure Norrie

**Norrington**: What! I didn't!!

**Jack Sparrow**: you and your positions

**Norrington**: oh shut up Sparrow.

**William Turner**: where did we leave off last time?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I completely forgot

**Norrington**: Elizabeth was pregnant

**Jack Sparrow**: I left so I don't know

**William Turner**: obviously Norrie was screwing someone

he is always doing that

**Norrington**: yes

**Elizabeth Swann**: yeah!

liz is pregnant

**William Turner**: right!

**Jack Sparrow**: oh, Congratulations

**Norrington**: Elizabeth found out she was pregnant while i screwed myself

OK

**Elizabeth Swann**: lol

**Norrington**: ACTION!

**William Turner**: I'm the father, right dear?

**Elizabeth Swann**: yes

**Norrington**: -sobs-

**Jack Sparrow**: I guess you're not a eunuch then

**Elizabeth Swann**: Indeed he is not!

I told you that Jack!

**William Turner**: Yeah I have PROOF!

**Norrington**: Proof? How so?

**Jack Sparrow**: I don't need to see the proof

**\**

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will...

Don't show them.

**Norrington**: -sighs- Fine.

**William Turner**: hehehe

why not?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Wait - you already have, haven't you?

**Jack Sparrow**: That goes for James too

**William Turner**: ummm no

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right.

**Norrington**: indeed.

**William Turner**: what I haven't!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Norrie...

**Norrington**: I have!

**William Turner**: it's only for your eyes Elizabeth

**Norrington**: remember?

that night?

on the Dauntless?

Remember?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Has you ever done anything with Will?

have

**Norrington**: Yes

**Elizabeth Swann**: Tell me honestly.

**Norrington**: Four times now I think.

**Elizabeth Swann**: See, Will!

**Norrington**: Or is it five?

**Jack Sparrow**: That was a -good- night

**Norrington**: indeed

**William Turner**: He's lying!!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why did you lie to me?

**William Turner**: Oh Jack not you too?!?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will...!

You told me you'd never lie to me!

**William Turner**: dude Elizabeth I'm not the one who kissed Jack ok?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: UGH!

**Jack Sparrow**: Why don't we all just calm down and take a dip in the water

**Elizabeth Swann**: We already want over that!

**Norrington**: Yes you did, Will

**William Turner**: I'm not the one who had Norrie when I was unavailable

**Jack Sparrow**: again you're bringing that up William?

**Norrington**: ...Now that, you can't disagreed with.

**Elizabeth Swann**: We went over that too!

God, Will!

**William Turner**: she called me a liar! -whines-

**Jack Sparrow**: haven't I suffered enough from her hands

**Elizabeth Swann**: You ARE a liar!

**William Turner**: -grumble-

**Jack Sparrow**: we're all liars. we're pirates

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, Jack - not you to?!

Don't gang up on me.

**William Turner**: Sorry Jack. You're still my friend.

**Norrington**: WE'RE ONLY LIARS BUT WE'RE THE BEST

ONLY GOOD FOR THE LATEST TREND

**William Turner**: no no, Jack is definitely the best

**Norrington**: ONLY GOOD COS YOU CAN HAVE ALMOST FAMOUS FRIENDS

**Elizabeth Swann**: Excuse me?

**Norrington**: BESIDES WE'VE GOT SUCH GOOD FASHION SENSE

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not you!

Will.

**William Turner**: Elizabeth you can't lie, dearest

**Jack Sparrow**: Most of it comes from London

**William Turner**: not well anyway

**Elizabeth Swann**: I know!

I don't lie!

**Norrington**: WE'RE GOING DOWN DOWN!

**William Turner**: it's nothing to be ashamed of

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shouldn't you give me the same courtesy?

**Jack Sparrow**: Ooooooooo

**William Turner**: -blush-

**Norrington**: TAKE AIM AT MYSELF, TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAID - TAKE AIM AT MYSELF...

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're the father of my BABY after all.

**Norrington**: -pulls trigger-

**William Turner**: of course, dearest

**Norrington**: -is dead-

**Jack Sparrow**: -whip crack-

He's dead again

**William Turner**: oh no, he died for the zillionth time

wait, isn't he still immortal?

**Elizabeth Swann**: He'll come back.

-runs away crying-

**Jack Sparrow**: You can't die if you're already dead

**William Turner**: he bounces back quickly

you did, Jack

and so did I

**Norrington**: -runs after ELizabeth- ELizabeth don't feeel bad!

I'm here for you!

**Jack Sparrow**: Yes but I was in the locker

**William Turner**: Norrie just wasn't that important

**Norrington**: Don't cry, ELizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: See, jumps right back up again

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs faster-

**William Turner**: Norrie, lay off her!

**Jack Sparrow**: keep running lizabeth!

**Norrington**: -runs and hugs Elizabeth- It's OK, everything'll be OK!

**William Turner**: Jack, you're supposed to be on MY side!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm running from ALL of you!

-runs away farther-

**William Turner**: do we have to do that threeway thing again?

**Norrington**: -catches up-

**William Turner**: FIGHT I mean..

**Jack Sparrow**: I am on your side. I'm just telling her to stay away from James

**Norrington**: COCKFIGHT! YEEEEAH!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -gets away from Norrington-

**William Turner**: ok good Jack

wow he is REALLY excited

**Norrington**: -stops running- AND I MEAN COCK

SN: ew.

**Jack Sparrow**: sn: I always seem to post at the wrong time

**Norrington**: SN: lol

**William Turner**: sn: it's all good

**Norrington**: -runs after ELizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: jeez lol

**Jack Sparrow**: Anyway. Let's stop him Will

**Norrington**: -grabs Elizabeth- Don't feel bad!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Stay away from me! ALL of you!

**Norrington**: -huggles-

**William Turner**: sounds good

**Jack Sparrow**: Oi, get back here

**Elizabeth Swann**: -gets out of Norrie's grasp-

**William Turner**: Norrington, you face me like a man!

**Norrington**: no!

**William Turner**: oh wait, you can't

ahaha

Jack, HE is the eunuch!

**Jack Sparrow**: good one William

**Norrington**: -stops running- and what is that supposed to mean?

**William Turner**:D

**Norrington**: You challengin' me, Turner?

Hah?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -turns around and faces Will- He is not!

**Norrington**: Are you!

**William Turner**: it means that you are LACKING in the sword department

**Jack Sparrow**: It means you can't PERFORM

**Norrington**: SN: Good one neggie!

Dayum, burn me.

**William Turner**: sn: why thanks

**Norrington**: I have been solely defeated.

-bows-

**William Turner**: We can have that arranged

oh CANNIBAAAAAAALS!!!1

**Jack Sparrow**: Crap

Not again

**Norrington**: Oh GOD NO!

**William Turner**: hehe run Jack!

**Norrington**: -runs like hell-

**Jack Sparrow**: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Norrington**: NO!

**Jack Sparrow**: -runs like a screaming pansy girl-

**William Turner**: I'll save you Elizabeth!

-grabs-

**Norrington**: -screams like a wussy pussy-

**Elizabeth Swann**: From what?

**William Turner**: the rabid canibals!

**Norrington**: AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I was running from YOU!

**William Turner**: they tied me and Jack up last time

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let go of me!

**Norrington**: SN: Am I twelve now??? HAH?!?!?!?

**William Turner**: not TOGETHER

**Jack Sparrow**: and tried to cook me

**William Turner**: fine

**Norrington**: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNN!

**Jack Sparrow**: sn hahaha

**William Turner**: sn: wow...

**Norrington**: AAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -gets out of Will's grasp and runs-

**Norrington**: ...wait, the cannibals aren't even here yet.

**Jack Sparrow**: THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER

**Norrington**: -stops running- OH GOD

-starts running again-

**William Turner**: they won't touch me!

**Norrington**: AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**William Turner**: -smug-

you said that already

**Jack Sparrow**: Keep running William

**William Turner**: why would I run when I can CotFD apparate?!?!

Elizabeth, no one else has cool powers like that

**Jack Sparrow**: There's one right behind you!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -continues running until she is no longer in sight-

**Norrington**: -screams- DEAR GOD I'M GONNA DIE AGAIN!

**William Turner**: eek! -apparates-

**Norrington**: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: That'll be the second time in under ten minutes

**William Turner**: Jack, what are you doing?!

**Jack Sparrow**: a new record

Running of course

Why?

**Norrington**: -falls backwards- uh?

-falls upwards- OK now this is weird

**William Turner**: because Norrie just got caught!

**Norrington**: -falls backwards- WHAT THE?!?

**William Turner**: should we let him get tied up?

**Jack Sparrow**: What's going on?

**Norrington**: -falls upwards- CHRIST WHAT THE-

**William Turner**: the canibaaaaaals!

**Norrington**: -falls backwards-

**William Turner**: they have Norrie on the menu

**Jack Sparrow**: They must have magical abilities

**Norrington**: -falls upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards -

**Elizabeth Swann**: -watches the scene from a safe distance-

**Norrington**: DEAR GOD

**William Turner**: hey, where did my wife go?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Idiots.

**Jack Sparrow**: They seem extra hungry today

**Norrington**: SOMETHING IS MAKING ME FUCK THE GROUND!

MAKE IT STOP!

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's fight them off

**William Turner**: oh is that what you were doing?

**Norrington**: -falls upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards-

**Jack Sparrow**: sn; only you would think of htat

that

**William Turner**: I thought you were just trying to generate heat the hard way

**Norrington**: STOP! I DON'T WANNA FUCK THE GROUND! DIRTY AS IT IS! I DONT WANNA!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -thinking- What the hell is Norrington doing?

**Norrington**: SN: LOL i know right!!

SN: I AM SOOOO NOT TWELVE

**William Turner**: there are other alternatives, Norrie

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: nice bea lol

**Jack Sparrow**: sn we noticed

**Norrington**: -falls upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards-

**William Turner**: sn: thank god! we would be in trouble

**Norrington**: MAKE IT STOPP!

**Jack Sparrow**: Anyway, I'm tired of running. Let's fight them off

**Norrington**: MAAAAAKE IT STOPPPPPPPPPP!

**William Turner**: ok chill!

**Jack Sparrow**: -grabs sword

**Elizabeth Swann**: -laughing at Norrie's weird position-

**William Turner**: -grabs HIS sword-

**Norrington**: -falls facedown- Uhhhhh...

-looks down at pants- What's that white stuff?

**William Turner**: -smacks forehead-

**Norrington**: Oh dear.

**William Turner**: I think it's cocaine

**Jack Sparrow**: WTF

**William Turner**: he's on some serious drugs man

**Norrington**: Duh..?

brb

**William Turner**: um it's called sharing?

**Jack Sparrow**: Must everyone do cocaine at this time?

I thought you were different James

Drugs are not the answer

Rum is

**William Turner**: I knew you'd say that

but Elizabeth can't have any until the baby is born

right dearest?

**Jack Sparrow**: Can't let anything bad happen to the very little ones

**Norrington**: -wakes up- Uhh?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs back to the men-

What the hell are you guys even doing?

**William Turner**: RIGHT DEAREST?!

**Norrington**: NO no no this white stuff is like... thick milk...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right WHAT?!

**Norrington**: Oh... no.

**William Turner**: never mind. GOSH!

**Jack Sparrow**: Ewwww

**Elizabeth Swann**: I wasn't here!

God, Will.

**William Turner**: grr

**Norrington**: SN: I CANT BREATHE

**Elizabeth Swann**: When did you become such a jerk?

**Norrington**: -stands up- Whaz goin awn/

**William Turner**: Look, Norrie is the jerk-off, ok?

**Jack Sparrow**: He's spent to much time with Calypso

**Norrington**: I jerk myself a lot

:D

**William Turner**: me?!

with HER?!

**Norrington**: ...oh is that what you mean.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Actually, he and Jack are lookign pretty good right now..

**William Turner**: as if...

**Elizabeth Swann**: -glares at Will-

**William Turner**: -glares back-

**Jack Sparrow**: Not again

**Norrington**: Elizabeth! You can have me! I'm open to you! And you can open for me!

**William Turner**: yes, they are. I agree completely!

**Jack Sparrow**: -sigh-

**Norrington**: I am... Doctor Norry! Open wide, Elizabeth!

**William Turner**: Jack? what are you open for tonight?

**Norrington**: I'm open for anything

**Jack Sparrow**: In terms of what persay?

**Norrington**: Sex, sex, sex, or... sex maybe?

**William Turner**: Norrington's terms

**Norrington**: SN: aw man i've missed this so much

**Jack Sparrow**: sn: me too

**William Turner**: sn: damn me too

**Norrington**: sn: as sick as that is, lol

**Jack Sparrow**: Anyway, I don't know William. What about you?

**William Turner**: It depends on how far Elizabeth is going to go.

**Norrington**: As long as there's sex - I'm in!

**William Turner**: thank you captain obvious!

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's skinny dip in the lake a bit

**Norrington**: Ooooo.

Kinky.

**Jack Sparrow**: Last one in dies

**William Turner**: I'm down

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: what? sorry, i left for a min

**Jack Sparrow**: -jumps in-

**William Turner**: -dives-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where are you guys going?

**Jack Sparrow**: skinny dipping in the lake darling

**William Turner**: come join us!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mmmm.

No thanks.

**William Turner**: -pouts-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I think I'm too pregnant to swim.

**Jack Sparrow**: -splashes will-

**William Turner**: I'll keep the bandanna on, darling

**Norrington**: Skinny dipping! Elizabeth, I'll take care of you while they fuck - Um, I mean muck around.

**William Turner**: pleeeeeeeease?

**Jack Sparrow**: Swimming might do you some good love

**William Turner**: exercise is good for our baby

**Elizabeth Swann**: None of you guys are going to fuck each other while I'm swimming with you.

**Norrington**: Skinny dipping is disgusting - don't listen to them, Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: No

**William Turner**: lots and LOTS of exercise

**Norrington**: SN: OOOOO BURN!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't mind with Will.

**Norrington**: SN: Well done, Caity

**Elizabeth Swann**: He IS my husband after all.

**William Turner**: I should hope not!

indeed!

sn: stole your line, bea

**Norrington**: SN: Dran.


	13. Chapter 13

**Jack Sparrow**: Great. I'll just swim in the corner all alone then

**Norrington**: No! Jack!

I'll fuck with ya

**William Turner**: Jack, come back!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Do you REALLY want to come?

**Jack Sparrow**: You stay away from me

**Norrington**: -dives in-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Want ME to come?

**Norrington**: Oh come on!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I look horrible.

**Jack Sparrow**: Ahh -swims far from James-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm fat.

**Norrington**: -corners Jack- You've no escape!

**William Turner**: no you aren't!

**Jack Sparrow**: You're not that fat

Save me

**Elizabeth Swann**: I am.

**William Turner**: I love you Elizabeth just the way you are

:D

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not THAT fat, Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: I didn't mean it. Sorry love

**William Turner**: come help me save Jack from Norrie!

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, you guys DO think I'm fat?

You believe that?

**William Turner**: I think you are pregnant...

**Elizabeth Swann**: -is about to cry-

**Jack Sparrow**: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. I think Giselle is fatter than you

actually

**William Turner**: meaning you have to gain extra weight in order for OUR CHILD to survive

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, I'm still fat then, Jack?

Just not AS fat?

**Norrington**: -moves closer to Jack-

**Jack Sparrow**: You're perfect

**Norrington**: You're stuck, Jack...

-winks-

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're not my husband!

You can't say that!

**William Turner**: but if you're too concerned about your appearance we might as well forget having the baby

**Jack Sparrow**: -punches James-

**Norrington**: Oh, is that a banana I feel on my legs?

**Jack Sparrow**: -swims away

**Norrington**: NO!

-grabs Jack-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I can't forget having the baby, Will!

**William Turner**: Elizabeth you have ALWAYS been too concerned w/your appearance!

**Elizabeth Swann**: What made you start thinking that?

**Jack Sparrow**: -kicks James-

**William Turner**: I know that...

**Norrington**: -shoves into corner- You're stuck.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -starts crying-

**Norrington**: Didn't hurt.

**Jack Sparrow**: A little help over here

**Elizabeth Swann**: I didn't think I was fat until Jack said so.

**Jack Sparrow**: -kics James in the nuts-

**Norrington**: -lets go of Jack- Elizabeth! Don't cry!

**William Turner**: Guys, doesn't Elizabeth look hot no matter how she looks?

**Jack Sparrow**: yes!

**Norrington**: OH OWWWWWW

**Elizabeth Swann**: -continues crying-

**William Turner**: wait Jack, don't answer

**Norrington**: WHAT THE FUCK, SPARROW!

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: You asked for it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, don't tell me that!

You

**William Turner**: Elizabeth, please don't cry! -hugs-

**Elizabeth Swann**: 're not my husband!

**Jack Sparrow**: I'll just shut up now okay

**Norrington**: -winds Jack-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -cries in WIll's arms-

**Norrington**: SO FUCK YOU!

**William Turner**: -soothes-

**Norrington**: SN: not really.

**Jack Sparrow**: Oww

**William Turner**: It's ok, Liz

**Jack Sparrow**: sn ;)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, tell James to speak nicely!

**Norrington**: -climbs out of lake- I'm out of here.

**William Turner**: Willie's here

speak nicely, James!

**Elizabeth Swann**: The baby can hear EVERYTHING.

**Norrington**: -puts on clothes- I'm out of here.

**Jack Sparrow**: Everything?

**Norrington**: HAH! Fuck the baby

**William Turner**: really? I'm screwed then

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes, Jack - everything.

**Norrington**: and I will FUCK that baby once it's old enough

**Jack Sparrow**: Now that's not nice at all

**Norrington**: Goodbye!

**William Turner**: NORRIE! Take that back!

**Norrington**: -walks away-

**William Turner**: -sword threaten-

**Norrington**: I regret nothing!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -Screams-

**Jack Sparrow**: GET HIM!!!

**Norrington**: -runs away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: YOU WILL NOT!!!

**William Turner**: everyone kill the Norrimeister!

**Norrington**: AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Elizabeth Swann**: -cries harder-

**Jack Sparrow**: Fun

**Norrington**: SN: ah hilarious

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, don't let Norrie molest our baby!!

**William Turner**: -runs after him-

**Norrington**: SN: everyone's after me again

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: this is too funny

**Norrington**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOO!

**William Turner**: I won't! I'll protect you AND the baby

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: I love playing pregnant Liz

**Norrington**: OK OK OK! I WONT FUCK YOUR BABY! JEEZ!

**Jack Sparrow**: I'll protect no one since Ana isn't here

**William Turner**: Good!

That is just gross, man

**Norrington**: -stops running-

Hey Willy - want some raisins?

-singsong voice- THEY'RE COVERED IN CHOCCIE...

**William Turner**: but I still want to run after you!

-chases-

**Jack Sparrow**: Molesting small children -shakes head in disgust-

**Norrington**: AIIE

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, why would you want to do that?!

**Norrington**: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEE!

**William Turner**: mmm! I can't resist them!

**Jack Sparrow**: Don't take them Will

**William Turner**: why not?

-gobbles-

**Norrington**: IT WAS A JOKE! FUCKING HELL! TAKE A JOKE! -runs away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack! Don't let WIll eat them!!!

Will!!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: Too late

**William Turner**: mm these taste YUMMY!

**Norrington**: -slams into tree- Oww.

-faints-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thank you Captain Obvious!

**William Turner**: -chews-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, no!

**Jack Sparrow**: are they alright?

**William Turner**: you know, I feel weird

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will!!

**Jack Sparrow**: how weird?

**William Turner**: suddenly Jack looks really attractive...

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh shit

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, get the HELL away from him!!!!

**William Turner**: JACK!!! -grins-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack - RUN!

**Norrington**: -wakes up- Huh? Did I finally fuck someone?

oh, so I didn't.

**William Turner**: I wuv you, Jackie!

**Jack Sparrow**: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Elizabeth Swann**: RUN!!!

**William Turner**: sn: hahahaha

**Jack Sparrow**: -running

**Elizabeth Swann**: Holy shit, Jack - GO!!!!

**William Turner**: Jack, you can't run from meeeee!!

**Jack Sparrow**: trips over rock-

**Norrington**: -stands up- Well, this is just so fucking DANDY.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Faster, Jack! Run faster!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: shit shit shit

**William Turner**: GOTCHA!

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO!! Jack!

**Norrington**: -leans against tree- Well, this is fun to watch eh?

**William Turner**: mmm Jack your dreads smell lovely

**Jack Sparrow**: -shivers in disgust-

**Elizabeth Swann**: NORRINGTON - What the fuck did you put in those raisins????!!!!

**Norrington**: -walks up to Elizabeth- Elizabeth dear, you don't need to watch this.

**William Turner**: -fingers Jack's beads-

**Norrington**: Nothing!

**William Turner**: where did you get these, Jack?

**Elizabeth Swann**: TELL ME!!

**Norrington**: SN: FINGERS WHAT!?!?!??!?!?!

**William Turner**: they are soooo beautiful!

**Jack Sparrow**: sn lol

**William Turner**: just like YOU!

**Norrington**: I only put speed, marijuana, cocaine, a couple of steroids...

**Elizabeth Swann**: And you call that NOTHING?!

**Norrington**: ...ice, chocolate, tootsie rolls...

**Elizabeth Swann**: You could kill him!

**William Turner**: -giggles uncontrollably-

**Jack Sparrow**: How do you make him stop?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Then my baby will be FATHERLESS!

**Norrington**: ...sprite...

**William Turner**: Jack you should go do Norrie!

**Norrington**: ..and my own personal milk supply. ;)

**William Turner**: ahahaha that would be sooooo funny

**Jack Sparrow**: No

**William Turner**: YESSSSSSSS

**Norrington**: SN: whoa did i just say that?

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: meggie LOL

**Jack Sparrow**: Hey, what's that?

**Norrington**: OH NOES!

**William Turner**: sn: weird, you did

**Norrington**: -falls upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards- NOT AGAIN!

**Jack Sparrow**: -sees raisin on the ground-

**William Turner**: what's what?

**Norrington**: nooooooo!!!!

-falls upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards-

NO! I DON'T WANNA FUCK NO DIRT!

**William Turner**: God, someone get that man a blowup doll

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, not you too!

**Jack Sparrow**: Elizabeth, catch and eat it

**Norrington**: SN: meggie THAT WAS FUCKING GENIUS

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO!

**William Turner**: sn: I know ;)

**Jack Sparrow**: Fine then -eats raisin

**Norrington**: -falls upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards-

**William Turner**: Norrie, think about it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack!

**Norrington**: NO! I CAN'T STOP THE HEAT!

**William Turner**: they are reusable and ever so durable

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, STOP IT!

**Norrington**: IT'S! IT'S TOO MUCH-

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh William

**Norrington**: NOooooooooooooooooooooooo

**William Turner**: YES?!

-wide grin-

**Norrington**: I wasted more thick milk!

**Jack Sparrow**: You're looking mighty sexy tonight ;)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will... Jack...

**William Turner**: Ahhh! Really?

**Norrington**: -moans- noo...

**Elizabeth Swann**: -is about to cry again-

**Jack Sparrow**: I just wish I knew how to quit you

**Norrington**: -collapses in ecstasy-

**Jack Sparrow**: sn sorry

**William Turner**: all those fishing trips in Tortuga

**Jack Sparrow**: We can have more you know

**Norrington**: -continues to fall upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards while unconscious-

**William Turner**: they just weren't ENOUGH!

**Norrington**: -wakes up- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??

**William Turner**: but honestly Jack, how can we stand by and watch that poor man suffer?

**Norrington**: WHY AM I WANKING THE DIRTY FLOOR!?!?!!?

HEEELP!

-falls upwards downwards upwards downwards upwards downwards-

**Jack Sparrow**: b/c its Norrington

**William Turner**: he thinks the dirt is made for humping

**Jack Sparrow**: he tends to take care of himself pretty well

**Norrington**: NOOOOOOO! WHY AM I HORNY SO????

NOOOOOOOOOOO

-falls upwards downwards upwards downwards-

**William Turner**: the sad thing is, he didn't eat any of the raisins

it's just normal for him

**Jack Sparrow**: They were good raisons

raisins

**Norrington**: ARRRRRRGH! -starts molesting Will- MOOOOOOOREEEE!

**William Turner**: at least if we want to go have a go w/each other, we have a good excuse in the morning

**Norrington**: MORE MORE MORE

**William Turner**: is this good?

**Jack Sparrow**: No, Will is mine

**William Turner**: hehehe

that's right boys, fight over me

fight long and hard

**Jack Sparrow**: -kisses will-

**Norrington**: -jumps off Will- Whoa, fuck! Sorry man! My bad.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -starts hyperventilating-

**William Turner**: -kisses back-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I can't handle this...

**Jack Sparrow**: sn rofl

**Norrington**: -runs to Elizabeth- Here! have some Ventilin, Elizabeth!

**William Turner**: -pulls away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -collapses-

**Norrington**: NO!

**Jack Sparrow**: What?

**Norrington**: -kneels down- ELIZABETH!

**William Turner**: Jack, has anyone ever mentioned dental care to you?

**Jack Sparrow**: Once or twice maybe

**Norrington**: -mouth to mouth resuscitation on Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -is unconscious-

**Norrington**: Come on, come on, wake up...

**Jack Sparrow**: Why? Raisins not helping anymore?

**William Turner**: eh, who cares -make out w/Jack-

**Norrington**: -mouth to mouth resuscitation on Elizabeth-

**Jack Sparrow**: -making out

**Norrington**: Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Wake up!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -still unconscious-

**Norrington**: -mouth to mouth resuscitation on Elizabeth-

**William Turner**: -still making out-

**Norrington**: -mouth to mouth resuscitation on Elizabeth- Push, push, breath, push, push, breath

**Jack Sparrow**: -starts taking Will's shirt off-

**Norrington**: -mouth to mouth resuscitation on Elizabeth- Push, push, breath, push, push, breath

**William Turner**: Jack! -gasp-

**Norrington**: GUYS! DON'T START FUCKING NOW!

**Jack Sparrow**: Too soon?

**Norrington**: -mouth to mouth resuscitation on Elizabeth- Push, push, breath, push, push, breath...

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: i am dying over here lol

**William Turner**: don't tear it! It's a new shirt

**Norrington**: SN: AND IM'M TRYING TO REVIVE YOU

-mouth to mouth resuscitation on Elizabeth- Push, push, breath, push, push, breath

**William Turner**: no, just be more careful of my garments

**Jack Sparrow**: Ok

**Norrington**: come on, come on, come on, wake up !!

**Jack Sparrow**: -making out again-

**William Turner**: -rips Jack's shirt off-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -wakes up and coughs-

**Norrington**: Much as I'd love to watch... DONT START FUCKING!

ELizabeth!

ELizabeth are you all right?

**Jack Sparrow**: -rolling till Jack is on top-

**Elizabeth Swann**: ..What's going on..?

**William Turner**: why not?

**Norrington**: -cradles Elizabeth in lap- You're OK, now/

**Elizabeth Swann**: James?

**Norrington**: Yes...

**Elizabeth Swann**: What happened?

**William Turner**: Jaack why am I allllllways the bottom?

**Norrington**: They're fucking. You ran out of air.

**Elizabeth Swann**: WHAT?!

**William Turner**: sn: rofl

**Norrington**: But you're safe now.

SN: that was so casual

**Elizabeth Swann**: Who's fuckign who?

**Jack Sparrow**: sn this is just too much ;D

**Norrington**: Jack's fucking Will...

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: lol

**Norrington**: You passed out in shock, you did

**Elizabeth Swann**: -starts crying again-

**William Turner**: Jack, please. Let me be on top this time!!!

**Norrington**: I... revived you. -blushes-

**Jack Sparrow**: Oooo, I want a spanking too

**Norrington**: -comforst Elizabeth-

LMAO!

SN: COUPLING!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -turns to James-

Thank you.

sn: lol bea!

**William Turner**: um Jack, do you have a banana in your pocket?

**Jack Sparrow**: No, do you?

**William Turner**: nope!

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, why is Will doing this to me?

-continues crying-

**Norrington**: SN: Then they all decide they want a bit of a spanking...

**Jack Sparrow**: -starts to pull pants down-

**William Turner**: hey before we do this, does anyone have anymore raisins?

**Norrington**: -hugs Elizabeth- DOn't cry, Elizabeth

-pats back- You'll be all right

**Jack Sparrow**: here you go

**Elizabeth Swann**: WHY?!

**William Turner**: i really want more!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Tell me!

**Norrington**: Will is just on drugs now - It's not his fault

**Elizabeth Swann**: Please!

**William Turner**: yum -swallows-

that's right!

**Jack Sparrow**: He's having the Jack Sparrow experience

**Elizabeth Swann**: -continues crying on James' shoulder-

**Norrington**: SWALLOW HIS COCK YOU IMBECILE! YOU'RE MAKING ELIZABETH CRY!

**William Turner**: and since I am, I'm going to enjoy it!

**Elizabeth Swann**: WHAT?!


	14. Chapter 14

**Norrington**: -hugs Elizabeth- It's OK, it's OK...

**Jack Sparrow**: It's not like we're going to remember in the morning

**Elizabeth Swann**: Don't do that!

**William Turner**: mmm yes, I am HAVING the Jack Sparrow experience

**Elizabeth Swann**: I need to go!

**Norrington**: SN: whaat!?

**William Turner**: Jack don't make me wait any longer!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -gets out of James' arms and runs-

**Norrington**: Elizabeth-!

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: not me - Liz lol

**Norrington**: SN: oh good

**Jack Sparrow**: -making out-

**William Turner**: you just DO things to me, Jack - I can't explain it really

that's better

**Norrington**: -runs after Elizabeth- ELizabeth! WAIT!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs away from Will and Jack-

I can't handle that!

**Jack Sparrow**: Ooo, don't stop

**William Turner**: I won't if you wont!

**Norrington**: SN: JULIANA STOP IT! I'M DYING HERE!

**William Turner**: -rips off pants-

**Jack Sparrow**: sn no

**Norrington**: -runs after ELizabeth-

**William Turner**: sn: don't die we need norrington

**Norrington**: SN: lmao. someone's been on youtube!

**Jack Sparrow**: sn fine

**Norrington**: ELizabeth! wait!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -stops and turns to James-

**William Turner**: huh?

**Norrington**: -grabs and hugs Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why, James? Why?

**Norrington**: -pats back- I don't know, ELizabeth

I really don't know

he'll be back to normal in the morning

**Jack Sparrow**: You know Elizabeth, he is the one who gave will the raisins in the first place

**Elizabeth Swann**: We're going to have a fucking BABY for God's sake!

-cries-

**William Turner**: Hey Jack, I love you! Do you love me?

**Norrington**: -pats back- I know you two are

**Jack Sparrow**: Yeah

**William Turner**: are we gonna be together forEVER?

**Norrington**: But for now, he's having his... bachelor party

**Jack Sparrow**: At least until we're not high anymore

**Elizabeth Swann**: Then WHY THE HELL is he doing this to me?!!

**William Turner**: you're not just taking advantage of me?

**Jack Sparrow**: No, you?

**Norrington**: -kisses Elizabeth's cheek- Son't worry

**William Turner**: no way!

**Norrington**: don't

**Elizabeth Swann**: I can't handle this right now!

**William Turner**: hey Jack I have a secret

**Norrington**: -pats back- You can

**Jack Sparrow**: good -making out-

**Norrington**: I'm here for you

**Jack Sparrow**: what?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I can't!

**Norrington**: don't look at them, Elizabeth

**William Turner**: I'm a virgin (with men)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why do you say that I CAN?!!

**Jack Sparrow**: What about that time with James...

**Norrington**: Because I know you're strong

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm not!

**William Turner**: oh crap

**Norrington**: You are!

**William Turner**: forgot about that one

**Elizabeth Swann**: But I still know what theyre doing!

**Jack Sparrow**: And me. I was there too

**William Turner**: well, I still am not very experienced

**Norrington**: Well...

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: that is so corny bea lol

**William Turner**: so I apologize in advance

**Norrington**: SN: SHUT UP

**Jack Sparrow**: -censored-

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: hahahaha

**William Turner**: -double censored-

**Norrington**: -hugs ELizabeth- DOn't look at them Elizabeth

**William Turner**: Oh JAAAAAAACK!

**Norrington**: Don't listen to them

**Elizabeth Swann**: JAMES! I can still HEAR THEM!

**William Turner**: YESSSSSS!

**Jack Sparrow**: -more censored-

**Norrington**: -cover's Elizabeth ears-

**Jack Sparrow**: -moaning-

**Norrington**: It's all right

**William Turner**: NORRIEEEEEEEEEEE!

I mean, Jack

**Norrington**: you cannot hear them anymore...

**Jack Sparrow**: What?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -hugs James and lokos away-

**William Turner**: nothing!

**Jack Sparrow**: Why didn't you say my name?

**Norrington**: you hear nothing but your own heartbeat and my voice...

**William Turner**: I'm high, ok!

Give me a fucking break

**Jack Sparrow**: You're supposed to say my bloody fucking name damn it

**Norrington**: SN: FUCK that ws cornier.

**Elizabeth Swann**: James - can you take me somewhere away from all of this?

**Norrington**: wYes

yes I can

**Elizabeth Swann**: PLEASE.

**William Turner**: Jack, I so don't need this right now

**Jack Sparrow**: -starts to cry-

**Norrington**: -takes Elizabeth's hand- Come with me.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let's go then!

**William Turner**: QUIT MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY

**Jack Sparrow**: No

**Norrington**: -walks into cabin-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Can you carry me?

**William Turner**: why not?

**Norrington**: -carries Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I feel as if I can barely stand.

**William Turner**: God, you must think I'm such a whore

**Norrington**: -lays ELizabeth gently down onto bed-

**Jack Sparrow**: At the moment

**Norrington**: There, you get some rest.

**William Turner**: which I'm not, really

**Jack Sparrow**: Only with the girl I suppose

**Elizabeth Swann**: Can stay with me?

**Jack Sparrow**: What's her face

**Norrington**: I will

**William Turner**: Calypso?

**Elizabeth Swann**: But NO SEX.

**Jack Sparrow**: No, the other one

**Norrington**: -sits down on edge of bed- I know.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Just hold me.

**William Turner**: ha what other one?

**Jack Sparrow**: The blondie with your child

**Norrington**: -holds Elizabeth's hands-

SN: LMAO!!!!!!!!!

**William Turner**: oh that one

oh SHIT!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: meggie!! LOL

**Norrington**: You just close your eyes now Elizabeth.

**William Turner**: ELIZABETH!

what have I DONE!

**Norrington**: Rest.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -falls asleep-

**Jack Sparrow**: -snaps out of it- What the fuck was that?

**Norrington**: -kisses ELizabeth's brow- There, you sleep tight.

**Jack Sparrow**: Ah, we're naked and lying on top of each othr

**William Turner**: OMG Jack, you and I...

**Jack Sparrow**: other

**William Turner**: -moves away-

**Norrington**: SN: damn this is corny

**Elizabeth Swann**: -mumbles- Thank you, James...

SN: i know lol

**Norrington**: S'OK, Elizabeth

**William Turner**: sn: yeah that is norrie for ya

**Jack Sparrow**: -jumps away and pulls clothes back on- Stupid drugs

**Norrington**: sn: read NonExistant and you'll beg to differ :P

**William Turner**: GOD! Who gave them to us anyway?

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's go and murder James

**William Turner**: sn: rofl

sounds like a capital idea!

**Norrington**: -pats forehead- Just sleep

Drift into peaceful slumber

**Jack Sparrow**: To the boat then!

**William Turner**: you mean ship

**Norrington**: SN: oh what the fuck was that

**Jack Sparrow**: Whatever

**William Turner**: wow Jack..

you are high

**Jack Sparrow**: and so are you

**William Turner**: not much anymore!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -continues to sleep peacefully-

**Norrington**: -holds Elizabeth's hand-

**Jack Sparrow**: you ate way more raisins than i did

**William Turner**: yeah but... uh oh

**Norrington**: SN: oh yeah blame the raisins

**William Turner**: it's happening AGAIN!

only this time I need Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: Good. run to her

**Norrington**: -caresses Elizabeth's cheek- Sleep, dear.

**William Turner**: let's go find them!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: Bea - you know what would be even cornier? if James sang to her lol

**Norrington**: SN: so fucking corny! OH i will caity

**William Turner**: sn: the REASON

**Jack Sparrow**: sn uh oh

**William Turner**: sn: NOooooo

**Norrington**: SN: WHO'S CALLING ME TWELVE NOW, HUH?

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: LOL

**Jack Sparrow**: sn -bashes head into keyboard-

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: NOT ME!

**Norrington**: -sings quietly- I'm not a perfect person...

**William Turner**: Jack, where the hell are they?

**Jack Sparrow**: Wait. Listen

**William Turner**: Norrington better not be molesting her

**Elizabeth Swann**: -smiles in her sleep-

**William Turner**: is that a coyote howling?

**Norrington**: there's many things I wish I didn't do... -pats ELizabeth's forehead-

**Jack Sparrow**: No, I think it might be someone

**Norrington**: but I continue learning...

**Jack Sparrow**: singing

a SONG

**Elizabeth Swann**: -continues to smile in her sleep-

**William Turner**: singing? you're shitting me, right?

**Jack Sparrow**: sn its nice to out and out curse

**Norrington**: -grasps hands- i never meant to do those things to you.

**William Turner**: someone should find that animal and put it out of its misery...

**Norrington**: and so I have to say before I go...

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: that it is juliana

sn: lol

**William Turner**: sn: very true!

**Jack Sparrow**: let's go to it

follow the pain

**Norrington**: that I just want you to know...

**William Turner**: -following-

**Norrington**: -caresses cheek- I found a reason for me...

**William Turner**: wait! -CotFD apparates-

**Norrington**: ...to change who I used to be. I reason to start over new.

**Jack Sparrow**: oh sure, just leave me here

**William Turner**: Norrington, you get your hands off my WIFE!

**Norrington**: -kisses Elizabeth's cheek- and the reason is you.

SHHH WIll!

**William Turner**: the only thing you'll be starting is a fight, with me

**Norrington**: she's sleeping

**William Turner**: I'll put you to sleep!

PERMANENTLY

**Norrington**: You don't want to disturb her peaceful slumber

**Jack Sparrow**: Hey, let me in

**Elizabeth Swann**: -smiles contently in her sleep-

**William Turner**: -opens door-

**Norrington**: SN: man corniest ever

**Jack Sparrow**: Yay

**Norrington**: Shh you guys! she's sleeping

**William Turner**: sn: uh yeah

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: i know lol

**Norrington**: You don't want to wake her, guys

**William Turner**: Jack, what do you think a fitting punishment would be?

**Jack Sparrow**: snip snip?

**Norrington**: sn: LOL

**William Turner**: I would say spankings, but he would LIKE those

**Norrington**: Indeed.

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: lol

**William Turner**: ah now that's an idea!

except didn't we establish that he is already a eunuch?

**Norrington**: But the winner will eventually also want a bit of a spanking...

**Jack Sparrow**: we can cut more off

**William Turner**: -snort-

**Jack Sparrow**: sn lame?

**William Turner**: sn: no funny!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: do something to wake her up!

**Norrington**: -grasps ELizabeth's hands- ELizabeth...

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: im bored sleepung

**Jack Sparrow**: I think you need to kiss her William

**Norrington**: -whispers in ear- ELizabeth, you have to wake up

**Jack Sparrow**: like with Sleeping Beauty

**William Turner**: -kisses Elizabeth gently on forehead-

-kisses lips softly-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -mumbles-

Will..

**William Turner**: Wake up, beautiful

**Elizabeth Swann**: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!

**William Turner**: What?!

**Jack Sparrow**: -holds James down-

**William Turner**: -distraught-

**Norrington**: -hold Elizabeth- Do you know what you did!?!

-pushes Jack away- You fucked Jack!

You ignored Elizabeth, Will!

**William Turner**: by ACCIDENT!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -angry- After what you did with Jack..right in front of me...

**Jack Sparrow**: Because of your bloody raisins

**William Turner**: because YOU gave us fucking DRUGS

**Elizabeth Swann**: -runs out of the room-

**William Turner**: great. Just great.

**Jack Sparrow**: And there she goes again

**Norrington**: -holds Elizabeth protectively- Don't talk like that in front of her

**William Turner**: thank you SO MUCH Norrie

she left Norrie

**Norrington**: -runs after Elizabeth-

-knocks down Will and Jack-

-runs at full speed-

**Jack Sparrow**: ow

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why are all of you such BASTARDS?!

**William Turner**: OWW!

GOD

He needs glasses

**Norrington**: -clutches Elizabeth- No, Elizabeth!

**Jack Sparrow**: wtf

**Norrington**: They're just guilty!

**William Turner**: Elizabeth I'm not a bastard! My mom was married.

**Norrington**: Let Will love you again

**Elizabeth Swann**: Drugs, than gay sex, then---

**Norrington**: No!

**Elizabeth Swann**: OW.

**Jack Sparrow**: sn lol

**William Turner**: Yes, let me love you again, honeybunch

**Elizabeth Swann**: OW OW OW OW.

**Norrington**: ELIZABETH!

WHat's wrong!

**William Turner**: dearheart, sweeting, etc...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I think I'm going into labor!

OW OW OW.

**Norrington**: -supports Elizabeth- WILL!

GET OVER HERE!

**Jack Sparrow**: AlreadY?

**William Turner**: -GASP-

I'm here!!

What can I do for you, my love

**Norrington**: -lowers ELizabeth slowly, puts head in lap-

**Elizabeth Swann**: OW OW OW!

-starts crying-

**Norrington**: It's all right

no! don't cry!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Make the pain stop!

**William Turner**: Get off her, NOrrie!

**Jack Sparrow**: I think I see the head

**William Turner**: I can't, Elizabeth!

**Jack Sparrow**: ew

**Norrington**: James WIlliam Turner

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: idk lol

**William Turner**: and no, not Jacklyn

**Norrington**: -blinks-

**Jack Sparrow**: damn

**William Turner**: Hmm, James William I like it!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Or James.

NO 

**Norrington**: That's a boy's name isn't it?

**William Turner**: except it is a girl

**Elizabeth Swann**: YES.

**Norrington**: Ah.

**William Turner**: you IDIOT!

**Elizabeth Swann**: RIGHT.

**Jack Sparrow**: Dani?

**Norrington**: NO

**Elizabeth Swann**: I like it.

**William Turner**: oooh good one!

We could also name her Jamie

**Jack Sparrow**: Dani Jamie

**Norrington**: No no no forget that

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't care. You pick, WIll.

**William Turner**: AH I can't make all the decisions myself!?!

**Norrington**: -tkaes off coat and rolls into pillow-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I just gave fucking BIRTH to her!

You can pick one damn name!

**Norrington**: -puts pillow under Elizabeth's head-

**William Turner**: Jack wants Dani, James wants Jamie

what do I pick?!?!

**Norrington**: Have fun debating. I'm going to go off and bood.

brood

**Elizabeth Swann**: Make one the middle name

**William Turner**: there is always Wilhemina...

**Norrington**: -walks away-

**Jack Sparrow**: Janie?

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO Will.

**William Turner**: dran

**Jack Sparrow**: combine the two and make it Janie

**William Turner**: oooh that is a fabulous solution

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thank you, Jack.

**William Turner**: what do you think, Liz?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -smiles-

**William Turner**: Janie it is, then!

**Jack Sparrow**: Yay, I did something right for once

**William Turner**: Janie Elizabeth Turner

**Elizabeth Swann**: Good.

That sounds good.

**Norrington**: -kicks gravel- Fucking bloody bastards fucking like fucking rabbits with yet another fucking kid...

**Elizabeth Swann**: sn: man im tired lol

**Jack Sparrow**: sn my eyes kind of burn

**Norrington**: sn: that was fun to type

**William Turner**: sn: yeah i'm tired too!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: lol bea

**Norrington**: maybe that's enough for one day

**William Turner**: oooh, it BURNS!


	15. Theme Night

**FROM HERE ON IN, THERE IS NO PLOT. THIS IS NOW JUST A PLACE FOR US TO REREAD OUR RP SESSIONS. **

**NOT THAT ANYONE APART FROM US IS READING, ANYWAY.**

Theme Night

**Will Turner**: me too

lol I love myself O.o

**James Norrington**: Psh.

**Jack Sparrow**: I love me too

**Will Turner**: of course you do jack

**James Norrington**: I love Elizabeth.

**Will Turner**: GAH stop

how is this going to work?

**James Norrington**: don't you, Will?

**Will Turner**: love Jack?

**James Norrington**: Um

NO. You love Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: I love my WIFE, thanks.

**James Norrington**: Duh.

That's what I said.

**Will Turner**: fine.

**Jack Sparrow**: Do you have a girl yet James?

**James Norrington**: -sigh- The pretty ones are always this dumb, aren't they Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: I remember you mentioning a lass named Susan

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth is not dumb!

**James Norrington**: I meant YOU, Will

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh, so not Susan then.

**James Norrington**: YOU were being dumb.

**Will Turner**: I'm pretty?!

**Jack Sparrow**: -runs to the helm-

**Will Turner**: Woah.

**James Norrington**: -facepalm-

**Jack Sparrow**: -steers ship-

Where shall we sail to chums?

**Will Turner**: ok so how about who ever has the list

just randomly throws out a category

**Jack Sparrow**: cliche. go

**Will Turner**: like BARNYARD

**Elizabeth Swann**: Aw. Orlando looks like he had fun. :D

**Will Turner**: and we change our characters accordingly

**Jack Sparrow**: fine

**Will Turner**: you have ze list?

**Jack Sparrow**: CLICHE

**James Norrington**: Yes. OK.

**Will Turner**: gotcha

**Jack Sparrow**: -still steering ship-

**James Norrington**: Wait...

**Jack Sparrow**: what?

**James Norrington**: Eh. Never mind.

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth?

OMG she's missing!

**Will Turner**: WE MUST SAVE HER!

**James Norrington**: yeah.

NO!

**Will Turner**: oh right

**Jack Sparrow**: Where's she gone to now?

**James Norrington**: THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR RASH ACTIONS! I AM STOPPING THE GOOD GUY FROM SAVING THE WOMAN!

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, I'm here. Sorry. lol Which one are we doing?

**Will Turner**: CLICHE dearest

**Jack Sparrow**: Rum!!

**Will Turner**: should be easy for you

**Elizabeth Swann**: :P

**Will Turner**: Swordfights!

**Elizabeth Swann**: You suck, Will. lol

**Jack Sparrow**: Bugger

**Will Turner**: lol no you suck. heh.

**James Norrington**: He sucks alright.

He sucks hard.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -facepalm-

**Will Turner**: lol wanna go for a ride... ON THIS!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I walked right into that ;)

**Will Turner**: you did

**Jack Sparrow**: Yes dearest

You look smashing this evening

**Will Turner**: but I love you anyway Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: Aw. I love you too, Will.

**James Norrington**: Indeed.

**Jack Sparrow**: But it should be a dress or nothing dearest Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're the wind beneath my wings, baby.

**Will Turner**: It's a cornucopia of love!

**James Norrington**: I am miffed.

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth you are the only one I've ever loved.

Or dreamed of loving.

**Jack Sparrow**: -drinking rum-

**James Norrington**: Same here.

**Will Turner**: Or dreamed of, well... yeah.

**James Norrington**: The loving Elizabeth thing that is

**Elizabeth Swann**: I know - I'm just that lovable.

**Will Turner**: James, you LIE!

**Jack Sparrow**: I'm just fine by meself thanks. So long as I have the Pearl I'm just fine

**James Norrington**: Oh wait.

Right.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, you don't want me?!

**Will Turner**: LOL Jack you are so obsessed w/that ship

**Elizabeth Swann**: :(

**Jack Sparrow**: Maybe a little

**Will Turner**: get over your ship!

Noooooooo!

-sword threaten-

**Jack Sparrow**: I will when you get over swordfighting

see

**Elizabeth Swann**: WILLLLLLLL.

**Will Turner**: I challenge you to a duel for Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I thought you said I was loved by EVERYONE?!

**Will Turner**: WHAAAT?

**Jack Sparrow**: might as well add James while you're at it

**Will Turner**: I did?

**James Norrington**: I feel somewhat inadverdant at the moment.

**Will Turner**: quit feeling sorry for yourself!

**Jack Sparrow**: What?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I feel so unloved right now.

**Will Turner**: just because you were rejected 1000000 times

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thanks a lot, Jack!

:P

**Jack Sparrow**: What's inadverdent?

**James Norrington**: Hell if I know.

**Will Turner**: Ha I was going to ask you Jack.

**James Norrington**: Just sounded smart. -shrug-

**Will Turner**: You always have to sound smart

**Jack Sparrow**: Alrighty then. Duel, right?

**Will Turner**: and make the rest of us look dumb

**James Norrington**: Definitely.

**Will Turner**: YES! EN GUARDE!

**Jack Sparrow**: -grabs sword-

**James Norrington**: Um. -ahem-

**Will Turner**: -sword thrust-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why must you all always duel for me?

**James Norrington**: Oh yea

**Elizabeth Swann**: I want Will - and that's it.

**Will Turner**: because I have to prove my manliness and thus win your affections

**James Norrington**: thrust those swords

**Elizabeth Swann**: No duel will change that.

UGHHHHH.

**Jack Sparrow**: -stabbing motion-

**Will Turner**: oh don't worry, we will

**James Norrington**: -watches on boredly-

**Will Turner**: save the sounds for the bedroom, dear!

-parry-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, I will.

**Jack Sparrow**: -thrust-

**Will Turner**: Jack, your breath stinks!

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're telling me!

**Jack Sparrow**: A man needs to breath William!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew.

**Will Turner**: -shakes head-

**James Norrington**: No duh/

**Will Turner**: You called me William.

**Jack Sparrow**: -thrust again-

Yeah, and?

I always call you William

**Will Turner**: it means you are either admonishing me, or you want to compromise me in several positions

which is it?

**Jack Sparrow**: uh...

**Will Turner**: -swings sword-

**James Norrington**: Is it not obvious?

**Jack Sparrow**: I just like calling you William, mate

**Will Turner**: I'm dense, remember?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Seems pretty obvious to me..

**Will Turner**: ah. well then!

Really? O.o

**Jack Sparrow**: -trips Will-

**Will Turner**: Owww!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not that you're dense, dear!

**James Norrington**: I'm rather bored.

**Jack Sparrow**: -puts sword in Will's face-

**Will Turner**: Jaaaack! -whines-

**Jack Sparrow**: Do you surrender?

**James Norrington**: Ew.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Which one Jack chose.

**Will Turner**: thanks Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: Duh.

**Will Turner**: never!

**Jack Sparrow**: Which one what?

**Will Turner**: -sword thrust again-

**Jack Sparrow**: -parry-

**James Norrington**: Ew.

**Will Turner**: -backs Jack into a corner-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, you're not that dense, are you?

**James Norrington**: Is this entirely proper?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, James!

**Will Turner**: Haha, I have you now!

**Jack Sparrow**: smack him Elizabeth

**James Norrington**: Yes, Elizabeth?

**Will Turner**: yes please.

**Jack Sparrow**: -kicks Will in the groin-

**Will Turner**: since Ana is not around

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh yeah, I went there

**Will Turner**: OOooh! It BURNS!

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, didn't they teach you how to talk politely in navy-ish school?

Or whatever it is.

**James Norrington**: Of course the did.

**Will Turner**: Jack, my GOD!

**James Norrington**: Naval Academy.

**Jack Sparrow**: and I win again

**James Norrington**: Horrific.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Get your mind out of the gutter, then man!

**Will Turner**: what is it with your obsession w/my crotch?!

well dran.

**James Norrington**: Apologies, madam.

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's see now. That's Jack 2000, William 2

**Will Turner**: I let you do that so you would feel better about yourself Jack.

LOL In you MIND!

**Jack Sparrow**: Of course you did ;)

Now, where's my rum?

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, shall we go find a deserted beach?

**James Norrington**: I feel the need to withdraw.

**Elizabeth Swann**: James...are you as bored as I am?

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh rum?

**James Norrington**: However... It is my duty to watch.

**Elizabeth Swann**: They fight too much!

**James Norrington**: Yes, Elizabeth. I am.

**Elizabeth Swann**: UGH!

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth! We're done fighting!

**Jack Sparrow**: We finished fighting 10 min ago

I won

Now I go steer my ship

**Will Turner**: Now my attention is entirely focused one you, my dearest darlingiest love.

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, shall we go somewhere and talk?

**Will Turner**: Grr.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, really, Will?

**Will Turner**: yes!!

I promise.

and I NEVER break my promises.

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're sureeeeeee?

**Will Turner**: except when I promise things in the heat of passion.

those I can't always keep.

**Jack Sparrow**: No, its time for me to make mad passionate love to the man

**Elizabeth Swann**: That still hurt, by the way.

**Will Turner**: sn: cough AMTHGF

**Jack Sparrow**: Just go talk to him

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO JACK!

**Will Turner**: what still hurt?

**James Norrington**: I'd love to.

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth are you hurt?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: When you made those promises that you couldn't keep, Will.

Mantally, yes.

**Will Turner**: I couldn't help it!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mentally

Psh.

**Will Turner**: It's not hard being so fucking noble every day of your life!

**Jack Sparrow**: You're just so...

So...

**James Norrington**: Ha.

**Will Turner**: I mean it IS hard.

**Jack Sparrow**: What's William so?

**Will Turner**: -facepalm-

**James Norrington**: Noble?

Hardly.

**Will Turner**: I'm an idiot.

**Elizabeth Swann**: UGH!

**Jack Sparrow**: No, that's not it

**Will Turner**: Oh come on, I am SO noble.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why are you guys so damn confusing?!

**Jack Sparrow**: Not an idiot. Hmmm

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth we are just having fun

**Jack Sparrow**: What do you think shoulder Jack?

**Will Turner**: I wuv you.

Oh not those guys again!

**James Norrington**: I feel the need to comfort somebody, but I've not an idea who.

**Jack Sparrow**: Yes, I like banana's too

**Will Turner**: sn: new category

**James Norrington**: That, or I'm horny.

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, come comfort me.

**Will Turner**: What bandana?

**Jack Sparrow**: HORNY

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;)

**James Norrington**: Indeed.

**Will Turner**: Noooo!

**James Norrington**: -goes to comfort Elizabeth-

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, you don't love him.

You love Meeeeeeeee

-pushes James away from wife-

**Jack Sparrow**: -stares from the helm-

Sigh

**Elizabeth Swann**: Then, why are you always so mean to me?

**Will Turner**: Now, we can discuss this calmly and rationally.

**James Norrington**: -stumbles-

**Will Turner**: What do you mean, Liz?

**James Norrington**: Go ahead and ignore as per usual.

**Will Turner**: sn: NEW CATEGORY

**Elizabeth Swann**: James has never broken a promise to me; but, you did.

**Will Turner**: When?

**Jack Sparrow**: SHAKESPEARE

**James Norrington**: I haven't?

**Will Turner**: sn: thanks

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't know!

**Jack Sparrow**: What shall we doest?

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: oh good lol

**James Norrington**: Elizabethean theatre, anyone?

**Will Turner**: Alrighteth.

**Jack Sparrow**: Elizabethean

bahahaha

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where for art thou my true Romeo?

**Jack Sparrow**: Tis most drole

**Will Turner**: I'm right here, my loveth!

**James Norrington**: I feelesth thou horny.

**Will Turner**: sn: hahaha!

**Jack Sparrow**: Indeed

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: LOL. Nice Bea

**James Norrington**: SN: -bows-

**Will Turner**: where art though love of mine?

doest she still care for me?

**Jack Sparrow**: James, what shall we doest while we waitith

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hmm. Do I?

**James Norrington**: I feelesth thy need to masturbateth.

**Will Turner**: sn: ha!!

**James Norrington**: SN: -headdesk-

**Jack Sparrow**: sn shakes head

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: no comment

lol

**Will Turner**: What be wrong with yonder fellow?

**Jack Sparrow**: Away with you then. Off the side of my beloved deck then

**James Norrington**: I am miffedth.

**Will Turner**: He cannot controlleth his urges

**Jack Sparrow**: REDNECK

**James Norrington**: I can too! eth...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sure you can...

Hehth.

**James Norrington**: SN: BWAAHAHAHA

**Will Turner**: Dang, let's go down to the farm and rope some cattle. YEEE HA!

**Jack Sparrow**: Wo doggie

**Will Turner**: Come on, ya'll. It'll be fun

**James Norrington**: LET'S GO FACK DAYUM SHEEP YA'LL

**Will Turner**: shit.

**Jack Sparrow**: Then I can see me cousin again.

I mean, my wife

**Elizabeth Swann**: I need me something to ride.

**Jack Sparrow**: er, sister

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth? What you wanna do?

sn: kentucky

**James Norrington**: sn: nah

**Will Turner**: sn: thanks

**Jack Sparrow**: sn someone else pick a category

**Will Turner**: BARNYARD

**James Norrington**: Baa.

**Jack Sparrow**: Bwack

**Will Turner**: Woof!

**James Norrington**: Um, Beaaa.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Meow?

**Will Turner**: sn: heh

**Jack Sparrow**: Corn. Where's the corn?

What's this feeling in me arse?

**James Norrington**: Ear of corn.

MY ear.

**Will Turner**: I know dogs and cats are supposed to fight, but can we be friends, Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ahh! I'm so dirty - I need to clean myself.

**James Norrington**: Ohh, burn.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Of course we can. Purrrrrr.

**Jack Sparrow**: -waves arms wildly as though flying-

**Will Turner**: Dude, what is up with the chicken and the goat?

-tail wags-

**Elizabeth Swann**: You've got me.

**Jack Sparrow**: Bwark

**James Norrington**: Oink.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I've no idea.

Purr.

**James Norrington**: Oink.

**Will Turner**: You are beautiful, even as a cat.

**James Norrington**: I'm just like my fuckpals pig.

**Jack Sparrow**: Dog boy, stop sniffing me right now

**Elizabeth Swann**: And you're adorable, my darling.

**Will Turner**: But i'm going to go sniff this chicken righ now

**Elizabeth Swann**: Even as a puppy.

**Will Turner**: aw shucks, thanks!

it's the eyes, right?

**James Norrington**: Oink.

**Will Turner**: ewww Jack... someone needs a bath

**Elizabeth Swann**: I hear dogs are fantastic lickers, as well...

**Will Turner**: methinks it's because you're hanging out w/the pig

**Elizabeth Swann**: -kitty cough-

**Will Turner**: O.o

-pants-

Good lord Elizabeth, now you have me wanting to engage in beastiality.

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh, what's that behind you William?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Am I making you hot, dear?

Purrrrr.

**Will Turner**: -drools-

what is behind me?

**Jack Sparrow**: Why its your tail. go get it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shall we give into those carnal urges sometime soon, then?

**Will Turner**: Okay!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Even if you are a dog...

**Will Turner**: -runs in a circle-

**James Norrington**: -snorts- Oink.

**Will Turner**: I cant catch it! -pant-

**James Norrington**: I find this most undignifying.

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh, go eat some scraps piggy

**James Norrington**: Oink.

**Will Turner**: gah, this is hard!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Stop chasing your damn tail!

**Will Turner**: but I have to!

**James Norrington**: I highly doubt that I shall

**Will Turner**: it might run away if I dont!

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're never going to catch it.

**Will Turner**: watch me!

**Jack Sparrow**: Aren't puppies supposed to be excited all the time?

**Will Turner**: -runs faster-

**James Norrington**: The pretty dog is still a dumbass.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, he's excited all right...

Heh.

Mew.

**James Norrington**: BURRRRRN.

**Will Turner**: sn: ha

-pants- I'm getting tired now

**Jack Sparrow**: as much as i'm enjoying this

GHETTO

**Will Turner**: so I'll just surrender

**James Norrington**: sn: new one. EMO

damn

OK

**Jack Sparrow**: EMO GHETTO

**James Norrington**: ghetto it is

**Will Turner**: sn: ghetto first

**James Norrington**: YEAH ok

**Jack Sparrow**: uh

**Will Turner**: Damn Liz, you sure is lookin fiiiiiiine tonight!

**Jack Sparrow**: Yo

**James Norrington**: Yo,

homies

SUP

**Jack Sparrow**: What's the haps my peeps

**Will Turner**: where'd you get dem jeans?

**Elizabeth Swann**: That man be fine.

**Jack Sparrow**: -does hand thingy with Will and James

**James Norrington**: Sup fo the the nigga tiggas

**Will Turner**: sn: oh god!

**James Norrington**: Oh yeah

move that hand

I'm feelin' it

**Will Turner**: uh uh

**James Norrington**: sn: I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES! AHAHA

**Will Turner**: sn: hehehe

**James Norrington**: You feel my jibe? you kribbin' the kribe?

**Elizabeth Swann**: yo dawgs, I have to bounce.

**Will Turner**: My name be Turner and love to rap

I like to swordfight and I don't take crap

**James Norrington**: Ho?

**Jack Sparrow**: Uh, word

**Elizabeth Swann**: Word, g-man.

**James Norrington**: I pity da fool

that steals mah wigguh

**Jack Sparrow**: CHILDREN

**Will Turner**: no shizzle my nizzle

sn: whoops

**James Norrington**: Mommy. -whines- I want that wig.

**Jack Sparrow**: -pushes James-

**James Norrington**: Owies

**Will Turner**: I want a real sword!

**Jack Sparrow**: Mooooveee

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew - boys are gross!

**James Norrington**: MOMMY! JACKY PUSHED MEEEEEEEEE

**Will Turner**: -gazes at Elizabeth-

**James Norrington**: -bumps into Elizabeth-

**Will Turner**: She's kinda pretty.

**Jack Sparrow**: You're such a baby James

**James Norrington**: GAH! HOT GIRL COOTIES!

**Elizabeth Swann**: EW!

**James Norrington**: -screams- MOMMY!!

**Will Turner**: Jack, what is wrong with wig-boy?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Boys have cooties.

**Jack Sparrow**: He keeps crying for his "Mommy"

AHAHAHAHA

**Will Turner**: He'll probably grow up to be a navy officer or something equally stupid

**Jack Sparrow**: Probably

**James Norrington**: SN: BWAHAHAH

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hey!

**Jack Sparrow**: Want to sword fight?

**Will Turner**: I dunno what I wanna be

Sure!

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's not nice to be mean to other people!

**Will Turner**: do you have a real sword?

**James Norrington**: -squeaks-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Even if they do have cooties.

**Jack Sparrow**: Of course. My papa gave it to me

**Will Turner**: is she talking to me?! -blush-

wow, Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Duh.

**Will Turner**: can he get me one too?

**Jack Sparrow**: I want to be a pirate captain one day just like him

**James Norrington**: I'm dobbing! You're not allowed to swordfight.

**Will Turner**: Um hi, E-Elizabeth

sn: dobbing?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hi...Will, is it?

**Jack Sparrow**: I'll have to ask him

**Will Turner**: But Jack, pirates are BAD!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: What the heck is dobbing?

**Will Turner**: uh.. is that my name?

**James Norrington**: sn: ...

**Jack Sparrow**: But my papa's a pirate

**James Norrington**: sn: are you serious?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Um, I think it is...

**Will Turner**: Jack! Quick! What's my name!

**James Norrington**: sn: it means, "i'm telling on you".

**Elizabeth Swann**: -looks confused-

**Jack Sparrow**: Loser

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're weird...bye.

**Will Turner**: Hi I'm l

**James Norrington**: sn: Shit. I forgot it was Aussie slang.

**Will Turner**: wait a minite!

**Elizabeth Swann**: What?

**Will Turner**: Jack. You stink.

I remembered!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay...

**Will Turner**: My name is William, Elizabeth.

**Jack Sparrow**: No, you stink -pushes will-

**Will Turner**: -pushes back-

**Jack Sparrow**: -tackles him to the ground-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why are you guys fighting?!

**Will Turner**: Owww!

**James Norrington**: -makes gaggin noise- LIZZIE LOVES WILLY! LIZZIE LOVES WILLY! LIZZIE LOVES WILLY!

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's bad. I'm telling.

**James Norrington**: EMO?

**Will Turner**: -blushhhhhh-

**Jack Sparrow**: The world is coming to an end and there is nothing we can do about it

**Elizabeth Swann**: EW! I don't love a boy!

**Will Turner**: Jack why do you always get us in trouble?

**Elizabeth Swann**: damn...

**Will Turner**: wow, and she cusses too!

**Jack Sparrow**: It's just my way

**Will Turner**: -sigh-

**James Norrington**: I haaaaaaaaaate liiiiiiiiiiiifeeeee... -slashes wrist- Ohhhh, yeaaaaah... deeeeeeeattttttthhhhhhhhh.

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: Are we still kids or emo?

**Will Turner**: well it's not my way!

**Jack Sparrow**: looks like rain on the horizon

like yesterday

sn emo

**Will Turner**: lol James was just an emo kid

**Elizabeth Swann**: My life sucks.

**Will Turner**: Dammit my love doesn't notice me. EVER

**Jack Sparrow**: At least you have a human love

**Will Turner**: -rocks out to MCR-

**Elizabeth Swann**: My husband would rather be with a man than me, his best friend thinks he's a pirate and bleh..

**Will Turner**: who is your non-human love?

**Jack Sparrow**: Rum and the Pearl of course so long as they're in my posession

**Elizabeth Swann**: His ship?

Idiot.

**Jack Sparrow**: but when they're gone

-cries-

**Will Turner**: Oh.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Your life sucks.

I know the feeling.

**Will Turner**: Fuck, I can't get anything right!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Cry with me, Jack!

**Jack Sparrow**: NORMAL

**Elizabeth Swann**: Boo.

**James Norrington**: Deaaaaaaathhhhhhhhhhh... orrrrrrrrrgggyyyyyy... isss baaaaad... must... SLASSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH... OHHHHHH YEAH

**Will Turner**: lol that is normal?

**Elizabeth Swann**: For him.

**James Norrington**: sn: rofls

**Jack Sparrow**: What's James doing now?

**Will Turner**: -shrugs-

**Jack Sparrow**: Dying?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Being a prick.

**Jack Sparrow**: Drama Queen

**Elizabeth Swann**: And that too.

**James Norrington**: SN: BWAAHAHAHAH

**Will Turner**: I thought he was having sex w/himself

**Elizabeth Swann**: That would'nt surprise me either...

**Jack Sparrow**: He's doing something. Shall we ignore him then?

**Will Turner**: nope.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Seeing as he can't get ay...

**James Norrington**: Slash. Wrists. So goooooooood/

**Elizabeth Swann**: OH.

**James Norrington**: sn: LOL.

**Will Turner**: We should stop him from hurting himself!

**Jack Sparrow**: Too late I believe

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why?

**Will Turner**: Jack, help me get the knife away from him!

**Elizabeth Swann**: It's fun to watch.

**James Norrington**: -moans-

-faints-

**Will Turner**: Because he's my friend and I don't want him to die!

**Jack Sparrow**: Fine

**Will Turner**: -runs over to James-

**Elizabeth Swann**: He'll come back, maybe.

**Will Turner**: Help me stop the bleeding!

**Jack Sparrow**: Bugger

**Will Turner**: -grabs towel-

**Jack Sparrow**: Idiot

**Will Turner**: Dammit guys

a little help here?

**Jack Sparrow**: BARNYARD AGAIN

**Will Turner**: -pants-

**James Norrington**: -wakes up- Moo?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -licks self-

**Will Turner**: Oooh! Something moved! Must chase!

**James Norrington**: SN: ew.

**Jack Sparrow**: Buck

**Will Turner**: -runs around the room after a butterfly-

**Jack Sparrow**: -bends down and stands up again

**James Norrington**: Moo. Horny. Moo. Moo. Moos are turnons. Moo.

**Will Turner**: -jumps-

I can't reach it! But I'll try again anyway!!

**Jack Sparrow**: Hmm...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, will you stop running around so much?! Wouldn't you rather have a nap?

**James Norrington**: Who wants to milk me?? MOOOOOOOOOO

**Jack Sparrow**: something just doesn't feel right

**Will Turner**: -falls on Elizabeth-

**Jack Sparrow**: but what?

**Will Turner**: sorry miss pretty kitty!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Grrr.

You've ruined my beauty sleep.

**James Norrington**: Somebody milk meeeee. Moo.

**Will Turner**: I uh, didn't mean to squish your tail

**Jack Sparrow**: sn cats hiss. dog go grr

**Will Turner**: lol Jack milk the damn cow.

**Jack Sparrow**: why don't you

i have wings, you've got paws

mate

**Will Turner**: nooo, I'm busy getting lucky.

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: No, cats grr too. Believe me, I know lol

**Will Turner**: be creative, Jack. Use your brain, for once

**Jack Sparrow**: sn k

**Will Turner**: sn: they do

**James Norrington**: sn: lol. my cousin milked the cows at the carnival yesterday cos he was horny

sn: or so he says.

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: LOL

**Jack Sparrow**: sn ahahahahaha

**Will Turner**: sn: dahaha

**James Norrington**: sn: he changed pants afterwards, so i dunno.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ughhh. I need to find a better place to sleep.

**Will Turner**: -fetches flower and brings it to Elizabeth-

**Jack Sparrow**: VALLEY GIRL/DUDE

Sweet

**Will Turner**: I'll sleep with you!

err, next to you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right...

**Jack Sparrow**: Dude

**Will Turner**: Sweet

**James Norrington**: Cowabunga.

**Jack Sparrow**: Rock on William

**James Norrington**: Most undignified.

**Will Turner**: Fuck yes!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Suck it, Jack.

**Will Turner**: Pour some sugar on me, in the name of LOVE!

**James Norrington**: sn: -headdesk-

**Jack Sparrow**: Suck?

**Will Turner**: sn: shut up i love def leppard

who is sucking who and can I watch?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, forget it.

**Jack Sparrow**: sn, this is a little hard

**James Norrington**: Drunkards.

**Will Turner**: sn: lol cool

**James Norrington**: sn: what IS walley girl/dude?

sn: valley

**Will Turner**: sn: haha like OMG Will, you are like so cute.

**Jack Sparrow**: sn cliched american teenagers

**James Norrington**: sn: ah.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Like, OMFG James you are such a loser!

**James Norrington**: Oh yo whats the dig? Yeah? You want drugs wit dat?

**Jack Sparrow**: Dude William, something just doesn't add up man

**Will Turner**: Totally.

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, have you, like, ever been to America?

**Jack Sparrow**: I got the little guy on one shoulder saying this ain't normal and the other says it is

weird

**Will Turner**: I'll take some Tylenol thanks! :)

How much?

**James Norrington**: Like... no

**Jack Sparrow**: Dude

**Will Turner**: aw come on - i have a headache!

**James Norrington**: It's a diggoff plave wit da fuckies, man,

like, hellz, fuckno

**Jack Sparrow**: 2?

**Will Turner**: you suck, Jamie!

see if i'll be your friend anymore

**Elizabeth Swann**: This shit it, like, totally l-squared.

**Jack Sparrow**: smooth Elizabeth

**Will Turner**: She is totally smooth, man. I know.

**James Norrington**: Homie.

Words.

Are.

Shit.

**Jack Sparrow**: you mean you've...

**Will Turner**: Oh yeah. Many times ;)

**Jack Sparrow**: sweet :D

me too

**Elizabeth Swann**: Dude, where'd my car go??

**Will Turner**: Whaaaaaaat?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shit.

**James Norrington**: Only to myself, yo.

**Will Turner**: Jack you traitor

**Jack Sparrow**: not with Elizabeth

Others

**Will Turner**: We was FRIENDS

oh.

**Jack Sparrow**: She's like totally your girl

**Will Turner**: My bad. Heh.

**James Norrington**: Who wants to be Punk'd, yo?

**Will Turner**: I know, right?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Straight up.

**James Norrington**: Like i got ashton and da man seacrest wit me

**Will Turner**: Tubular.

I love you Elizabeth. Like, so much.

**Elizabeth Swann**: That is SO fetch!

**James Norrington**: Get down wid da groove. Play it wit ta funk. BEAT IT!

**Will Turner**: DUH!

**Elizabeth Swann**: OMG, I totally love you, too, boy!

**James Norrington**: Oh noes, man, i be the black guy.

**Jack Sparrow**: Dude

**James Norrington**: THAT IS SO WACK!

**Will Turner**: sn: hahaha!

**Jack Sparrow**: Wacked out to the core

and...

NORMAL

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, wanna go somewhere and get freaky?

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're such a nerdbomber!

SN: LOL! nice meggie

**Will Turner**: sn: thanks lol

sn: OOC

So, about that Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: I havent heard that in forever lol

**James Norrington**: THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME

I WAS BORRRRRRRRRRN TO LOOVE

**Will Turner**: I'll make love to you, like you want me too

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, of course, Will.

**James Norrington**: AND I SOMETHINGSOMETHING YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A PARRRRRRRRT OF MEEEEEEEEEE

**Will Turner**: :)

**Elizabeth Swann**: I know you will...

**James Norrington**: da deh da doo deh roodoo.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -dreamy sigh-

**Will Turner**: Shall we?

-holds out hand-

**Elizabeth Swann**: We shall. -takes Will's hand-

**Jack Sparrow**: -still steering ship-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Lead the way.

**Jack Sparrow**: Try not to make too much noise savvy

**Will Turner**: Oh I'll lead alright ;)

**James Norrington**: I hate Elizabeth. Is that OOC enough?

**Will Turner**: sn: lol yeah

**James Norrington**: FUCK YOU! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

**Will Turner**: Ha Elizabeth, James wants to listen to us fuck

**Elizabeth Swann**: You lead away, then, handsome.

**Jack Sparrow**: -rolls eyes- when doesn't he

**Will Turner**: Score!

**Elizabeth Swann**: He can if he wants...

**Will Turner**: like NEVER

**James Norrington**: Ugh, fucktards.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Heh.

**Will Turner**: how about we do it on the Pearl

that way Jack can listen too

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whatever you want, Will.

**James Norrington**: Botchen.

Shit.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't care.

**James Norrington**: Bitchen.

**Will Turner**: lol CROWS NEST!

**Jack Sparrow**: I hear enough of me own men thanks

**Elizabeth Swann**: Cramped enough for you, dear??

**Jack Sparrow**: do it in a dighy

**James Norrington**: Ohhhhhhh. Burn.

**Will Turner**: well we'd reach the stars for real

**James Norrington**: Can I reccommend the stairs?

**Will Turner**: ah dinghy? uhhhhhhhhhhh no.

just because you would do it in a dinghy, Jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will -

**Will Turner**: we shall ascend to the crow's nest

**Jack Sparrow**: Mate, I'd do it with a dinghy

**James Norrington**: Just fuck already.

**Will Turner**: I know you would!

**James Norrington**: ha

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, let me take you higher!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shit, I forgot where I was going to suggest.

**Will Turner**: sn: well dran

To a place where blind men see!

**Jack Sparrow**: Well, think harder

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, Will - you can take me as high as you want.

**Will Turner**: God, yes! -moans-

**James Norrington**: sn: SEX DEPRIVED

sn: BWAHAHAHA

**Will Turner**: -blush- sorry

just slipped out

**Jack Sparrow**: and on that note...

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, please!!

**Jack Sparrow**: Shakespeare again

**Elizabeth Swann**: How about below deck, only by the candleight?

**Will Turner**: Dearest love, have pity on me

**James Norrington**: Doesth thy cockth throbth soeth? Thy dolth, it doesth.

**Will Turner**: Thou hast captured my heart

indeedth

**Elizabeth Swann**: My dear, it twall be so much more romantic!

**Jack Sparrow**: thou art such a romantic

**Will Turner**: ah then let's goeth with that

**Jack Sparrow**: sn goeth with that hahahah

**Will Turner**: we shall save the crow's nest for another day

**Elizabeth Swann**: Does thou loveth me enough to do as I wish it?

**James Norrington**: Thouest wanth fuckth.

**Will Turner**: oh yes.

to both

**Elizabeth Swann**: :)

**Will Turner**: righteth now!

**James Norrington**: -pumps selfth- I amth pleasedth.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Fineth!

**Jack Sparrow**: James i shall fuckith with you once and only once should you never speak of it again

**Will Turner**: let's goeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Taketh me where thou pleases!

**Will Turner**: sn: ha PA

**James Norrington**: Yayth, Jackth.

**Jack Sparrow**: Do we have an accordith

**Will Turner**: -meep-

**James Norrington**: Indeedth.

**Will Turner**: shall we go beloweth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: lol nice Juliana

Indeedth, dear husband.

**Jack Sparrow**: sn thanks

**James Norrington**: -corners Jack- LET US FUCKETH

**Will Turner**: sn: ha bea!

**Jack Sparrow**: scared sigh(

something's rotten in the state of denmakr

denmark

**Will Turner**: Come with me, my love. I shall show you pleasures you have nevereth known

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where is thou going to haveth me, then?

**James Norrington**: -pushes against Jackth- You want thy, Jackth.

**Will Turner**: below!

so let's goeth down there!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Leadth the way.

**Jack Sparrow**: A little-ith

**Will Turner**: before I explodeth

**James Norrington**: Feel my erectionth, Jackth.

sn: DAHAHAHAHAH

**Will Turner**: sn: hahaha

**Jack Sparrow**: meep

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: I am seriously crying here LOL

**Will Turner**: -takes Elizabeth's hand and pulls her below decks-

**Jack Sparrow**: -all censored-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, William...

**Will Turner**: My Godeth, Elizabeth! What you do to me!

**James Norrington**: Oh fuck the censoredth ness.

**Jack Sparrow**: Get that outith of there James

**Will Turner**: sn: guh! you called him william

**James Norrington**: MOAAAAAAAAAAANeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: I know ;)

**Will Turner**: GRrrrrrrrroaneth

sn: -blush-

**Jack Sparrow**: SWITCHED BODIES

**Elizabeth Swann**: Harderth, William!

How the hell did I get up here?!

-looks down-

**Will Turner**: Oh my god, Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: OH SHIT!

**Will Turner**: what happened?!

**Jack Sparrow**: Ahhhhh, James

**Will Turner**: My penis is gone!

waaaaaaah

**Jack Sparrow**: sn rofl

**James Norrington**: DEAR GOD

**Elizabeth Swann**: Are my breasts reallt that small...?

**Will Turner**: uhhhhh

**James Norrington**: I'M A EUNUCH!

**Will Turner**: sn

**James Norrington**: And...

**Will Turner**: sn: rofl bea

**James Norrington**: Elizabeth? Or Will?

**Elizabeth Swann**: What?

**James Norrington**: -is in Will's body- GAH!

**Jack Sparrow**: Uh, aren't you me stupid?

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth I love the size of your, er my breast

**James Norrington**: I'm ugly all of a sudden!

**Jack Sparrow**: sn jk

**Will Turner**: oh crap I'm James!

I'm tiiiiiiiiiiny!! Nooooooooo

**Elizabeth Swann**: Then who the hell am I?

**Jack Sparrow**: what?

**Will Turner**: Jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: UGHHHH.

**Will Turner**: haha tough luck Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, your teeth are horrible!

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh shit...

**James Norrington**: I'M UGLY!!

AGH!

**Will Turner**: excuse me?!

you just called me pretty earlier!

**James Norrington**: And... you call this thing a penis!

**Will Turner**: what gives.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I happen to think he's quite dashing, thank you.

**Jack Sparrow**: sn i'm elizabeth then right?

**Will Turner**: ha see!

sn: yeah

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: I guess so

**Jack Sparrow**: sn was confused a second ther

**Will Turner**: she loves me even if I look like wig boy

**Jack Sparrow**: I have boobs Yay. Even though their tiny

**Will Turner**: sn: rofl

**Jack Sparrow**: -feels self up-

**James Norrington**: Will! You call this chipolata of a thing a PENIS!?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, stop feeling me up!

**Will Turner**: James, you have man boobs. Ew.

Excuuuuuuuuse me?

**Jack Sparrow**: Its my body now and i can do with it what i want

**James Norrington**: SN: OH FUCK

**Will Turner**: sn: what the fuck is a chipolata?

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO, you cannot!

Only Will can do that to me!

**James Norrington**: sn: A frankfurt.

**Jack Sparrow**: -runs on deck to yell-

**Will Turner**: Jack! Don't you dare touch Elizabeth's body!

sn: ohhh

**Jack Sparrow**: Well I'm in it

**Elizabeth Swann**: JACK SPARROW!

**Will Turner**: just leave it alone, alright?!

**Jack Sparrow**: Therefore its Mine

**Elizabeth Swann**: Damn you to hell.

IT'S MINE!

**James Norrington**: I'M SUTCK WITH A STUMP!

**Jack Sparrow**: Not right now

**Will Turner**: Ha you got told Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: :P

**James Norrington**: THIS IS TINY!

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, do I have a stump? O.o

**James Norrington**: -flicks- GUHHH

**Elizabeth Swann**: James, Will is not a stump! He's bigger than you!

**James Norrington**: And quick.

**Will Turner**: sn: ha

**James Norrington**: HA! Check on that.

**Will Turner**: Thanks dera.

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, what does that say about you, hmm?

**Will Turner**: -dear

**Elizabeth Swann**: If he's a stump, then what are you?

**Jack Sparrow**: Please, what's your opinion on me then Elizabeth?

**Will Turner**: -tests out little James-

**James Norrington**: well --

**Elizabeth Swann**: Well, Jack...

**Will Turner**: I'm unresponsive.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm kind of scared to check.

**James Norrington**: What do you call this?? YOU CALL THIS AN ASS?

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth - defend my ass!

**Jack Sparrow**: that's b/c i eunichified him two weeks ago

**James Norrington**: sn: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will has an adorable ass!

:)

**James Norrington**: Oh yeah.

**Will Turner**: THANK YOU!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I love to spank him with it. ;)

**James Norrington**: Jack whiped me too.

**Will Turner**: and she's not talking about the donkey either

**Elizabeth Swann**: Nope.

**James Norrington**: He whipped me and cut my cock off.

**Will Turner**: sn: O.o

**Jack Sparrow**: and I'd do it again too

**Elizabeth Swann**: -checks below-

**Will Turner**: ha i'll bet you would Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: ;)

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, I'd have to say that you're between Will and James

**James Norrington**: Elizabeth is checking me out? -comes again- GAAAH

**Will Turner**: Gahhh, I've got a beer belly!

**Jack Sparrow**: score!

**James Norrington**: Will, this thing needs control

**Will Turner**: oh shut up -eyeroll-

**Jack Sparrow**: IN OWN BODIES AGAIN

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will can control himself just fine.

**Will Turner**: thanks.

Oh thank GOD!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I HAVE MY BODY BACK!

**James Norrington**: Indeed. I am scarred.

**Will Turner**: I have my penis back.

**Jack Sparrow**: And mine

**Will Turner**: that is fabulous! :D

**Elizabeth Swann**: Now I need to take a shower!

Ew, Jack felt me up!

**James Norrington**: If you can call it a penis.

**Will Turner**: shut it tiny boy

**Jack Sparrow**: William probably wants to join you

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, I'll help you shoer

shower-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will can join me if he wishes.

**Will Turner**: oh yeah!

**Elizabeth Swann**: ;)

**James Norrington**: Elizabeth felt me u- -runs into nearest room-

Wait.

Ew.

**Will Turner**: I think we should celebrate getting our bodies back by using them in the most fun of ways

**James Norrington**: OH YEES

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, of course.

**Jack Sparrow**: Meaning?

**Will Turner**: meaning Elizabeth and I.

**James Norrington**: HORNY MODE!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're so naive, Jack.

He means us.

**Will Turner**: Oh GOD! -pants-

**Jack Sparrow**: But that leave me with horny James again -whines-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, I need a shower first, though!

I feel so dirty.

**Will Turner**: um, Elizabeth... I need your assistance

**Jack Sparrow**: Can't you two just stop having sex for a little while

**Will Turner**: with something.. big.

**Elizabeth Swann**: With what?

**James Norrington**: Mmmh.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh...

**Will Turner**: uh, let's just go shower

**Elizabeth Swann**: Well.

Yes, let's.

**Will Turner**: Great!

**Elizabeth Swann**: After you, dear.

**Will Turner**: alrighty then!

**Jack Sparrow**: -steers ship again0

**Will Turner**: on second thought Elizabeth, maybe we should.. nah forget it

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't care what you do, Will; but, I need to shower.

**Will Turner**: I just feel bad for James and Jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: Like, right now.

**Will Turner**: I know!

**James Norrington**: Uhhhhh...

Anyone need a winelist?

**Will Turner**: I have it worse than you Elizabeth.

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, you don't!

**Will Turner**: at least yours isn't noticable!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack didn't feel YOU up.

**Will Turner**: -shudders-

**James Norrington**: CAN ANYBODY FIND MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**Will Turner**: I don't want him touching you!

**James Norrington**: SOMEBODY TO FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

**Elizabeth Swann**: I didn't either!

**Will Turner**: but I do want you touching me!

**Jack Sparrow**: -smacks James- Oi, stop being so horny

**Will Turner**: right now.

**James Norrington**: But- but

**Elizabeth Swann**: Then, get in the damn shower with me!

**James Norrington**: I'M A VIRGIN!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right now.

**Will Turner**: -kisses Elizabeth-

sn: rofl bea

**James Norrington**: sn: did i just say that?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -moans-

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: I won't.

**Will Turner**: ahhh

sn: ok

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, pick me up.

**Will Turner**: -carries Elizabeth to the doorway-

So long, suckers!

**James Norrington**: Oh we suck alright.

**Jack Sparrow**: -feels lonely

**Elizabeth Swann**: -closes the door-

**Jack Sparrow**: :(

**Will Turner**: -growls- Finally!

**James Norrington**: Oh don't be lonely... -corners Jack-

You've got me.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Take me, Will.

**Jack Sparrow**: We are not having sex again james

i need to put my foot down once in awhile

**James Norrington**: Says who?

**Will Turner**: I will! Oh God

**James Norrington**: -thrusts hand into Jack's pants-

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, we need to slow down

**Jack Sparrow**: oh shit

**James Norrington**: Feel deja vu?

-pumps-

**Jack Sparrow**: no

**James Norrington**: sn: ew.

**Will Turner**: I'm uh, I'm uhhhhhhh

**Elizabeth Swann**: We do?

No, keep going!

**Will Turner**: yes! -pushes her away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're a man - you can take it.

**Will Turner**: damn it I've got to get this thing under control!

**James Norrington**: Come on, Jack

**Will Turner**: I want to make this good for you too

**James Norrington**: You're stiff. I can tell.

**Jack Sparrow**: no -crosses arms-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, Will..

**Jack Sparrow**: really?

**Will Turner**: Just give me a minute

you can take your clothes off

**Jack Sparrow**: if you would kindly remove your hand then james i have a ship in need of steeering

**James Norrington**: I'm holding your cock, Jack.

**Will Turner**: and by then I should be good

**Will Turner**: -throws off shirt-

**James Norrington**: -steps back-

**Will Turner**: -pants-

**James Norrington**: Spoilsport.

**Jack Sparrow**: Good

**Will Turner**: -shoes-

I'm keeping the stockings on, however.

**Will Turner**: I know you find me irresisitable in my stockings.

**Jack Sparrow**: I don't want to have to kick you off my ship james but if you provoke me then i will

savvy

**James Norrington**: sn: STOCKINGS?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, you know I do.

**James Norrington**: Fine.

Be a bitch.

**Will Turner**: Ok, I'm good.

Had to think of your father with the kraken, and that did the trick

**Jack Sparrow**: sn ahahaha

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew.

**James Norrington**: sn: i have tears in my eyes.

**Will Turner**: sn: ;)

**Jack Sparrow**: sn i think we're back in gs territory

**Elizabeth Swann**: Don't talk about my father when we're about to have sex!

**Will Turner**: sorry!

**James Norrington**: sn: i'm still shredding paper, you know

**Will Turner**: I had to do something to stop from coming early! Gosh.

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: Yeah, we are lol

**Will Turner**: sn: you are such a goof, shredface

**James Norrington**: sn: lol yeah.

sn: shut up.

**Will Turner**: Ok Elizabeth, I'm more than ready to go

**James Norrington**: sn: I havent even done half the box

**Will Turner**: Uhhhhhh please?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Take me, then.

**Jack Sparrow**: want to have a fight then james. you know, to pass the time

**Will Turner**: Oh goody

**James Norrington**: Oh yeah.

**Will Turner**: -carries Elizabeth to the bed-

**James Norrington**: Why not.

**Jack Sparrow**: -grabs metal sword-

en garde

**James Norrington**: -unsheathes sword- DIE!

PIRATE!

**Will Turner**: -sets her down reverently-

Elizabeth, I've been thinking of this ALL DAY

**James Norrington**: -swings for Jack's head-

**Jack Sparrow**: -stabby motion-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'll bet you have.

**Will Turner**: I can't stop wanting you for some reason!

it's crazy.

**James Norrington**: Gah

**Elizabeth Swann**: Am I that irresistable?

;D

**James Norrington**: Owies.

**Will Turner**: oh fuck yes.

**Jack Sparrow**: -accidently kills james- shit

**Will Turner**: speaking of fuck..

**James Norrington**: -limply falls onto deck-

**Will Turner**: -rough kiss-

sn: lol limp

-moans-

**Jack Sparrow**: William, I've killed James. should i just throw him overboard?

**James Norrington**: sn: I just killed James in my fic actually.

**Will Turner**: sn: yeah go ahead

**Jack Sparrow**: its very messy

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, we're in the middle of something!

**Will Turner**: sn: really? that's kind of mean

**Jack Sparrow**: well sorrrryyyy

**Will Turner**: Yeah, Jack. You know how it is.

I don't want to have to think about the kraken agian.

that would suck.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, stop talking - just fuck me.

**Will Turner**: Can do!

-enters Elizabeth slowly-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Faster, dammit!

**Will Turner**: Ahhhh. -sigh- Home at last.

sure, love!! -speeds up-

**Jack Sparrow**: sn -snort-

**Will Turner**: how's that?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mmmmmm.

Very good.

**Will Turner**: am I fast enough for you, ungh, Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: YES!

**Will Turner**: GREAT!

**Jack Sparrow**: William

**Elizabeth Swann**: Go deeper, though...

**Will Turner**: -pant-

Alright!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, don't talk to him!

**Will Turner**: What Jack?

**James Norrington**: sn: um, i'm dead?

**Jack Sparrow**: But I need to -puppy dog face-

sn for now

**Will Turner**: -changes thrust angle-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Don't talk to him, Will!

**Jack Sparrow**: sn sorry

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: lol go ahead

**James Norrington**: sn: meh

sn: carry on.

**Will Turner**: I uh... uhhh what?

**Jack Sparrow**: sn jump in any time bea

**Will Turner**: sn: sorry about your death. my condolences.

**James Norrington**: sn: haha. dont worry.

**Will Turner**: I can't think while I'm fucking! It's horrible!!

**Jack Sparrow**: I think we're almost to where we wanted to go

**James Norrington**: sn: i've got a plan. keep going.

**Will Turner**: well not really... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will...

**Will Turner**: Eliiiiiiiiizabethhhhhhhh

Please! -whimpers-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Come on, Will...

-moan-

**Jack Sparrow**: No one wants to see where we are then?

**Will Turner**: I'm -gasp- almost there

Call me by my -ugh- real name, Elizabeth!

**Elizabeth Swann**: ...YES!

WILLIAM!

**Will Turner**: Ahhhhhhhhhh!

sn: :)

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: You're welcome lol

**Will Turner**: GOD, YES!

sn: i'm blushing

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: Never write smut, then lol

**James Norrington**: sn: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

**Will Turner**: -deep thrust-

**Jack Sparrow**: sn nice :)

**Will Turner**: sn: lol yeah i couldn't

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: I was blushing the whole time lol

**Will Turner**: sn: heh.

**James Norrington**: sn: If a 12yrold can write it, so can you

**Jack Sparrow**: sn -rolls eyes-

**Will Turner**: SHUT UP NAHRRINGTON

**Jack Sparrow**: sn shut it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, are you there yet??

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, I'm commmmmmmmmmmmming!

come with me!

**Jack Sparrow**: jack's getting bored and james is starting to smell

**Elizabeth Swann**: AHHH!

**Will Turner**: sn: giggle

Nowwwwwww

**Jack Sparrow**: and by smell, i mean 'rotting'

**James Norrington**: sn: psh.

**Will Turner**: -sees stars-

**Jack Sparrow**: ARE YOU TWO DONE YET?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -spent- Ahhh. You're so good, Will.

**Jack Sparrow**: WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?

**Will Turner**: -gasps- Why thank you

**James Norrington**: sn: Will.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will's the one that takes forever!

**Will Turner**: sn: shut up eunuch

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, don't look at me.

**James Norrington**: SN: ha.

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth!

**Jack Sparrow**: amateurs

**Will Turner**: I thought of the KRAKEN and your DAD... all for YOU

and this is how you repay me?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I had to teach him how to do it, remember?!

**Will Turner**: Hump.

Elizabeth!

**James Norrington**: sn: hump?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I still love you for it, Will.

**Will Turner**: -is mortified-

**James Norrington**: sn: lmao.

**Will Turner**: You promised never to tell anyone!

**Jack Sparrow**: What did I say about the noise?

**Will Turner**: well, i'm glad that you love me for it.

**Elizabeth Swann**: When did I promise that?!

I do indeed love you for it.

**Will Turner**: during the heat of passion

I remember it well

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't remember anything I say during that!

**Jack Sparrow**: BARNYARD

**James Norrington**: -thinks to self- Should I stop pretending to be dead?

**Will Turner**: Me: "Don't tellllllll ugh, anyone"

**Elizabeth Swann**: Except your name, but, well, that's normal.

**Will Turner**: You: "I ahhhhh Won't!"

**James Norrington**: -thinks to self- Nah.

I'M A DEAD PIGGY!

**Jack Sparrow**: I thought you were a cow?

**Will Turner**: I'm a horse this time!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't remember saying that!

**James Norrington**: Oinkdead.

**Will Turner**: -whinnies-

**James Norrington**: Whores more like. Oinkdead.

**Jack Sparrow**: Now I'm a real Sparrow

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, good. I can go take a capnap now.

**Will Turner**: -prances around-

**Elizabeth Swann**: catnap

**Will Turner**: Look at me!

**James Norrington**: sn: capnap?

**Jack Sparrow**: -pretends to fly-

**James Norrington**: sn: HA

**Will Turner**: I have such a shiny coat and pretty tail

**Elizabeth Swann**: -curls up and goes to sleep-

**Will Turner**: FEED ME!

Brush me.

**James Norrington**: Oinkdead.

**Will Turner**: Ride me.

**James Norrington**: HA

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: God Meggie lol

**Will Turner**: I'm your little pony!

accessories sold separately

**Jack Sparrow**: sn resists urge to make my little pony joke but you beat me to it

**James Norrington**: sn: i just spat out my milk onto the computer screen. thanks a lot, Meggie.

**Will Turner**: sn: my bad

**James Norrington**: sn: and i dont mean "milk" nadly.

sn: badly

**Will Turner**: sn: you serious?

**James Norrington**: sn: OF COURSE IM SERIOUS

sn: haaaaaaaaaaaahahahaahhaha dammit.

Oinkdead.

**Will Turner**: sn: I don't believe her

**Jack Sparrow**: anyway

its been hours and you're still not finished

**Will Turner**: so how long is the life expectancy of a 12 year old pig?

me?

**James Norrington**: Uh.

12 years.

**Will Turner**: that's it?! woah.

you'd better get some while you can!

you can do it, man

**James Norrington**: I've tried.

**Will Turner**: just have faith in yourself

**Jack Sparrow**: now why'd you have to say that

**Will Turner**: you need one of those motivational classes

you know like the one Cutler Beckett teaches

**James Norrington**: I'm an emo piggy.

Ugh

**Will Turner**: How to Get Laid Quickly for money

**James Norrington**: bad memories, me and Beckett

**Jack Sparrow**: That's the class

**Will Turner**: yeah

not that I've been

**James Norrington**: -nudges Elizabeth- Hey, you pussy, wake up.

**Will Turner**: I've just heard about it from Davy Jones

**James Norrington**: sn: shit.

**Jack Sparrow**: of course not. me either

**Will Turner**: he went one time

he said it was very helpful

**James Norrington**: sn: that came out wrong

**Jack Sparrow**: James is making a pass at your woman William

**Will Turner**: sn: ha!

**Jack Sparrow**: Get him

**Will Turner**: James! BACK UP.

-springs at James-

-chuck norris roundhouse kick-

that will teach you for calling her... that word!

**Jack Sparrow**: still with us Lizzie Darling?

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth?! Where did you go, love?

**James Norrington**: OW.

-falls back- Leave me alone!! -whines-

**Will Turner**: sorry! sometimes I just don't know my own strength. heh.

**Jack Sparrow**: Jack's bored

**Will Turner**: Do you want a roundhouse kick, too?

**Jack Sparrow**: no

**Will Turner**: ok then!

quit complaining!

or I will go Chuck Norris on your ass

**Jack Sparrow**: sn seriously though, jack is bored

sn sorry

**Will Turner**: Go visit a whore or something, Jack

**James Norrington**: Chuck Norries?

**Will Turner**: get that taken care of

**James Norrington**: HELLZ TO THE NO

**Will Turner**: sn: Ha chuck norrie

I think James wants to help you out, Jack

you should take advantage of that offer

**Jack Sparrow**: again i say. no

**Will Turner**: I mean, I would, were I not married to Elizabeth

but I am indeed married, so it's out of the questions.


	16. 11th May 08

Random RP

**William Turner**: How are you this fine evening, James?

**James Norrington**: I'm absolutely superlatively horny this evening, Mr. Turner.

And what of Captain Sparrow?

**William Turner**: good lord. And we haven't even started drinking.

**Jack Sparrow**: Psh, when aren't you

**William Turner**: I'm sure Jack wouldn't be averse to drinking at the Faithful Bride

**James Norrington**: Never.

**Jack Sparrow**: I've been drunk for an hour already. Shall we go in then?

**William Turner**: yeah why not

**Jack Sparrow**: Have you tried that new rum yet?

**James Norrington**: What rum

**Jack Sparrow**: The one that tastes like lemon?

**William Turner**: I have not

but I will try anything! :D

**Jack Sparrow**: Or was it peaches...

**William Turner**: my days as a stiff are over, mates, thanks to my new job

**Jack Sparrow**: It's goooooooooood

**James Norrington**: Rum is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable of men into scoundrels. I told that to Elizabeth, you know

**William Turner**: lol Jack you think anything remotely alcoholic is good

**Jack Sparrow**: :D

**William Turner**: did you now?

**Jack Sparrow**: That's because I'm a pirates. And you James have been known to drink a bit. Remember Tortuga

**William Turner**: she never mentioned that

**Jack Sparrow**: I'm sure it just slipped her mind

**James Norrington**: Yes.

**William Turner**: ha! I wish i'd been there when she knocked you out

**James Norrington**: Yes I do.

**William Turner**: and you ended up in the pig sty

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh, I missed that bit. We were already at the Pearl

**William Turner**: that's what she told me... she said she felt sorry for you mate

**Jack Sparrow**: Did you meet Gibbs' buddy Hilda there?

**James Norrington**: Yeah. Yeah.

**William Turner**: hilda? wtf?

**Jack Sparrow**: Hilda the pig. Duh

**William Turner**: oh!!

**James Norrington**: Yeah.

**William Turner**: I didn't know they named the pig. Huh.

**James Norrington**: She was soft.

**William Turner**: ooooookay.

so who is up for drinks?

**Jack Sparrow**: speaking of pig, i'm getting a bit of bacon with me rum. be right back. will you be wanting anything at the bar

James Norrington has left.

**William Turner**: you pick, Jack. I trust you... I think

**Jack Sparrow**: i guess he wants his to go

back in a jiffy

-20 min. later-

See you later Yolanda

Here you go William, a nice mug of rum

**William Turner**: god, Jack, why did it take so long?

were you and Yolanda doing the big nasty in the back?

**Jack Sparrow**: talking with one of ana's old girlfriends

and by girlfriends, i mean old friend

**William Turner**: ah. I believe you -cough-

gimme that rum! -swipes-

James Norrington has joined.

**Jack Sparrow**: greedy little bugger

**James Norrington**: 'scuse me?

**William Turner**: you know it!

**Jack Sparrow**: you owe me 5

**William Turner**: now watch me chug this rum

**Jack Sparrow**: will, not you james

**William Turner**: sorry I don't know what means

**James Norrington**: Thank god.

**William Turner**: hahahaha!!

**Jack Sparrow**: fine, you owe me some shillings for that -eats some bacon-

**William Turner**: I don't think you want James to be owing you anything, Jack. It might give him ideas

ok fine -grumble- here ya go

**James Norrington**: "owing" here having the meaning of "fucking".

**William Turner**: I wasn't going to say that...

**Jack Sparrow**: me either

**James Norrington**: Well, I was.

**William Turner**: that's why I love James. He's blunt.

**Jack Sparrow**: -raises rum- to fucking women we love

**James Norrington**: -raises rum- To fucking Elizabeth.

**Jack Sparrow**: sight

**William Turner**: Hey!

To losing my inhibitions

**James Norrington**: Er.

I mean

**Jack Sparrow**: nice cover

**James Norrington**: -raises rum- To masturbation.

**William Turner**: I can drink to that

**Jack Sparrow**: to the melty man

**William Turner**: and the truth helmet

**James Norrington**: To Darth Vader WITHOUT the helmet.

**THIRTY MINUTES LATER**

**William Turner**: Wheee! I love you guys.

**James Norrington**: -falls over drunk- Yesh.

**Jack Sparrow**: -is normal-

**James Norrington**: and i shaid to shuh bamf,

**William Turner**: do Jack can I meet that doggie of yours?

**Jack Sparrow**: whot?

**William Turner**: I wanna meet Tim!! Please?

**James Norrington**: "dude, yoush should fucksh the shnoptfuyl".

**Jack Sparrow**: why not. he should be right outside

**James Norrington**: I love you!

**William Turner**: i can't understand the words that are coming out of his mouth!

**James Norrington**: And I'm... really sorry, and...

**William Turner**: wait who do you love? Jack, me, or both?

**Jack Sparrow**: yes, do tell

**William Turner**: dearie

**James Norrington**: Myself you fuckshtardsh. Itoldsh you**, **i fuksh sheh people i love

**William Turner**: you love yourself. Well that's fabulous your self-esteem has taken a turn for the better

**Jack Sparrow**: indeed

so, to Tim then

**James Norrington**: -passes out-

**Jack Sparrow**: -nudges james with foot-

**William Turner**: he's out cold! We gotta... -passes out-

**James Norrington**: Umsh?

**Jack Sparrow**: Psh, amateurs

-drinks more rum-

**James Norrington**: Shush you.

Shadayim.

**William Turner**: Hehehe oh Elizabeth do that again!

-snore-

**James Norrington**: Va te faire foutre?

Oui.

**Jack Sparrow**: I am Jack -fake whip noise- I am a French Bitch

**James Norrington**: sn: Translation; "go fuck yourself", "yes".

sn: ROFLS!

Va te faire foutre.

**Jack Sparrow**: Non

**James Norrington**: Masturbation is a snack bewtixt meals.

and I just had lunch.

**William Turner**: mmm

**James Norrington**: -locks self in cupboard-

**Jack Sparrow**: and you did that why?

**William Turner**: Elizabeth, ah now! -whimpers in sleep-

**James Norrington**: -muffled- BECAUSE I'M MASTURBATING YOU TWIT!

**Jack Sparrow**: -rolls eyes- carry on

-shakes will- didn't you wan to see me dog?

**William Turner**: -wakes up-

**James Norrington**: -muffled- I am.

**William Turner**: Hey guys... where's Elizabeth?

**Jack Sparrow**: I think she's coming

**James Norrington**: -muffled- Will -

**William Turner**: yes James?

**James Norrington**: - Elizabeth is -so- coming. She's in this closet, actually.

-muffled- Hey? Hey? Get it? "Coming"? Hey?

**William Turner**: ha I was thinking that she was coming.. wait WHAT?

she is not in that closet with you

she's at home. Asleep.

**James Norrington**: -muffled- That's what you thi -

AHHHHHHH.

-muffled- No Elizabeth. Nobody's out there.

I'm talking to myself.

**Jack Sparrow**: We figured

**James Norrington**: Yes, while fucking you.

**William Turner**: Jack, did I say anything while I was asleep? Cause sometimes I talk in my sleep

**Jack Sparrow**: She's not in there

**William Turner**: whew!

**Jack Sparrow**: Of course not

**James Norrington**: -cupboard door whumpfs open-

**William Turner**: oh good. Cause I was afraid I was vocalizing my really amazing dream

**James Norrington**: -falls onto floor-

**Jack Sparrow**: Except that you seemed to be having dream sex with your wife

**James Norrington**: Ow.

**William Turner**: -blush-

**James Norrington**: OK, so I wasn't fucking her.

**William Turner**: It's been five hours, which is like an eternity for us

**James Norrington**: I have dreams too, you know.

**William Turner**: we know!

**Jack Sparrow**: james pull your pants up people are staring

Elizabeth is home!

**James Norrington**: Fine!

**William Turner**: YAY!

**James Norrington**: -pulls up pants-

**William Turner**: Elizabeth! I was just... dreaming of you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Carry on. lol

**James Norrington**: So was I.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, were you?

**William Turner**: and it was a good dream, if you know what I mean -wink-

**Jack Sparrow**: And a tiny bit drunk

**James Norrington**: I was Frostru- Swanning.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mmmm. Glad to hear it, Will ;)

**William Turner**: ew James. TMI

**James Norrington**: No shit.

**William Turner**: haha like I said, it's been five hours Elizabeth. I can't get enough of you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Who could blame you? ;)

**James Norrington**: I could.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm sure.

**William Turner**: -sigh-

James, just accept that she will never be yours!

**James Norrington**: I already have, you twat.

**Jack Sparrow**: Still here just so you know -drinks rum-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hi Jack!

**James Norrington**: Yes, Sparrow. Thankyou.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Any rum left for me?

**Jack Sparrow**: Plenty

**William Turner**: There's always room for you

oh... rum. right

hehehe I'm SLOWWWWWW!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, I'm glad there's always that for me as well.

Yay.

**Jack Sparrow**: that's b/c you're drunk

**William Turner**: i know! Isn't it GREAT!?

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, out of the three of you, who's already drunk?

**William Turner**: meeeeeeeeeeeeee

**James Norrington**: -raises hand-

**Jack Sparrow**: all of us really

**Elizabeth Swann**: All of you I'm guessing?

Yep. thought so.

**Jack Sparrow**: so, basically i'm normal right now

**William Turner**: Jack doesn't count

**James Norrington**: Hey. Let's rape the girl.

**Jack Sparrow**: no

**James Norrington**: -points at Will-

**Elizabeth Swann**: What?!

**William Turner**: let's kill the ex-commodore!

**Jack Sparrow**: yay

**William Turner**: hey WHAT?!

I'm not a girl

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm NEVER letting that happen to me again, James Norrington.

**James Norrington**: Aren't you?

**William Turner**: Elizabethhhhhhhh -whines-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whattttt?

**James Norrington**: Oh god here we go...

**William Turner**: he wants to rape me not you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh.

Well, better you than me, right?

**William Turner**: god dammit, I'm not just a pretty boy!

**Jack Sparrow**: no william, i believe he's trying to make elizabeth think you said that

**James Norrington**: Egoistic bitches.

**William Turner**: yep. I'd do anything for you

**Jack Sparrow**: right?

**William Turner**: i dunno I think he wants both of us, truthfully

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm so fucking confused!

You guys must be really drunk.

**James Norrington**: no shit, swann.

**Jack Sparrow**: i'm normal :D

**Elizabeth Swann**: STFU Norrington.

**James Norrington**: or is it "no turd, turner"?

**William Turner**: is that a sconce? -breaks-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Haha right Jack.

**James Norrington**: I'm a BAMF.

**William Turner**: what's a BAMF?

**James Norrington**: A bad ass motherfucker.

**Jack Sparrow**: let's have a sword fight with metal swords

**William Turner**: oh.

**James Norrington**: Metal?

**William Turner**: sounds good

**Elizabeth Swann**: You are not a BAMF, James.

**James Norrington**: What are you, the Tin Man?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Only in your dreams.

**James Norrington**: I am too, Elizabeth.

**William Turner**: I'll fight Elizabeth and Jack and James can fight each other

**Elizabeth Swann**: Are not, James.

**James Norrington**: If i'm talking about your son Liam, I'm a BAMF.

**Jack Sparrow**: sigh

**James Norrington**: You can't deny that can you.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not anymore!

**William Turner**: leave our son out of this!

**James Norrington**: No.

**Jack Sparrow**: i'll stab you if i have to

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jackkkkkk. Why must James act like this?

**James Norrington**: You cannot stab me for I am

Norrington.

James Norrington.

**Jack Sparrow**: i'd say drunk but he's always this crazy so idk.

**Elizabeth Swann**: And that explains oh so much.

**James Norrington**: Yes, it does.

I act like this

**William Turner**: Hey Elizabeth i'm um having a problem

**Elizabeth Swann**: :P

**James Norrington**: for I am

**Jack Sparrow**: -bashes james on the head with rum bottle-

**James Norrington**: a virgin?

**Elizabeth Swann**: And what problem would that be, Will?

**James Norrington**: -passes out-

**William Turner**: I'm currently tenting

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hah. Right, James. :P

Are you now?

**William Turner**: yeah. Wanna give me a hand w/that? ')

**James Norrington**: sn: A hand?

sn: A HAND?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Mmmm. Let me think about it. ;)

**William Turner**: sn: that was intentional

or you could give me two hands, it's up to you

**Jack Sparrow**: -passes out for no reason-

**James Norrington**: -wakes up-

**William Turner**: oh god! Jack!!

**James Norrington**: -looks groggily at Elizabeth-

Mary? Is that you?

**William Turner**: -helps Jack up-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Are you sure you wouldn't rather have me use my mouth? Either is fine with me. ;)

**William Turner**: Jack! Answer me! Did you hit your head?

**James Norrington**: sn: Holy shit, Caity.

**Elizabeth Swann**: WTF happened to Jack?

**William Turner**: sn: ha

I do hope you are still talking to me, Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: Shut up.

Oh, I am, Will.

**William Turner**: oh phew!

in that case -drool-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Who's you think I was talking to?

Who'd-

**James Norrington**: My head hurts but my dick doesn't. When my dick is hurting my brain doesn't work.

**William Turner**: I dunno, it could've been James

**James Norrington**: There is no connection between my brain and my dick.

**William Turner**: Jack passed out, but he's not waking up!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew. No.

Jack, wake up!

**James Norrington**: Can someone fix this for me?

**William Turner**: maybe we should throw rum on him

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, James; I only fix Will's problems.

**Jack Sparrow**: -wakes up-

**James Norrington**: Yeah. Throw rum on an inebriated man.

**William Turner**: -throws rum-

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, hah.

**James Norrington**: Will has problems?

**William Turner**: yeah! You tell it Liz.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Apparently he does.

**James Norrington**: Do tell.

**Elizabeth Swann**: :)

**Jack Sparrow**: What happened?

**William Turner**: Not problems, just... predicaments.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, right.

**William Turner**: I dunno, you just passed out mate

**James Norrington**: Same shit, different animal.

Now spill.

**William Turner**: dammit, RUM MAKES ME HORNY!

**Jack Sparrow**: like raisins?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I thought I made you horny??

**James Norrington**: You don't say.

**William Turner**: I know it is supposed to do that opposite, but I blame the immortality.** oh** that too, Elizabeth.

combined with the rum, I am locked and loaded

**Jack Sparrow**: My head hurts :(

Ow

**Elizabeth Swann**: Awww.

**William Turner**: now that you mention it, so does mine... a bit

**Elizabeth Swann**: Do you want me to kiss it and make it better, Jack?

-completely innocent-

**William Turner**: there will be no kissing of Jack!

**Jack Sparrow**: No I'll live, but I think Will would like that treatment

**William Turner**: oh yeah!

**James Norrington**: I would too.

**Jack Sparrow**: Ow, stupid hard floor

**William Turner**: give it to me baby...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Are you still tenting there, Will?

**William Turner**: hehehehe I want more rum

come and find out..

**Elizabeth Swann**: Rather devious tonight, are we?

**James Norrington**: Mr. Turner.

**William Turner**: oh I am, just for you!

**Jack Sparrow**: Wait- Where am I?

**William Turner**: Mr. Norrington?

**Jack Sparrow**: Who am I?

**Elizabeth Swann**: I like that. ;)

You're CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.

Duh.

**William Turner**: You're a legend, mate!

**Jack Sparrow**: Am I? Hmm..

**James Norrington**: You're a fucktard.

Sir.

**Jack Sparrow**: Well that wasn't very nice

**William Turner**: aww such harsh words! is that necessary?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Don't listen to James.

HE'S the fucktard.

**William Turner**: I don't think you're a fucktard, Jack.

**Jack Sparrow**: Do I know you? I know him -points to Will- but I don't remember either of you two

**James Norrington**: -mutters in Swahili- Bozi bozi.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm Will's wife.

**Jack Sparrow**: I must've hit my head really hard

**William Turner**: Yeah you know Elizabeth. And James... unfortunately

**James Norrington**: Go find a paja.

God.

**William Turner**: just ignore him

**Jack Sparrow**: Ok

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, I killed you, remember?

**William Turner**: I was hoping we wouldn't get into that..

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sorry about that, by the way.

**William Turner**: it's a touchy subject.

**Jack Sparrow**: You did what? I'm alive though right -panics-

**James Norrington**: Oh, and you didn't kill me, Elizabeth?

**William Turner**: yeah but your brain is FRIED

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, I did not, James.

**James Norrington**: Yes. Yes you did.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, I helped bring you back from the dead.

No, I didn't.

**William Turner**: me too!

**James Norrington**: Yes, you did.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will did too.

**William Turner**: but not for entirely honorable reasons

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO, I FUCKING DID NOT!

**Jack Sparrow**: I think I have that, what's it called, amneio...amneia...

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shut up, James.

**James Norrington**: Amnesia.

You shut up, Elizabeth.

**Jack Sparrow**: That's the one

**Elizabeth Swann**: There you go.

YOU shut up, James.

:P

**William Turner**: she didn't kill you James!

my father did.

**Jack Sparrow**: Are they always like this?

**William Turner**: sorry bout that

**James Norrington**: Fuck you.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I fucking kissed you, James! God!

**James Norrington**: No, you didn't.

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's not killing in my book.

**William Turner**: Can we please not talk about this?!

**James Norrington**: I kissed YOU.

**Elizabeth Swann**: YES, I DID.

Whatever.

**James Norrington**: It should be!

**William Turner**: well at least I'm the only one who can kiss her now

**James Norrington**: Sao! Will! Jack! Me!

Pick.

**Jack Sparrow**: Uh...

**William Turner**: and you love your father and the water

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sao kissed ME! I didn't kiss HIM.

**William Turner**: yeah that was like almost rape.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew.

**James Norrington**: Well so?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yeah, exactly.

**James Norrington**: He's dead.

**Elizabeth Swann**: So are you.

Kind of.

**William Turner**: it was torture to know she was in his hand

**James Norrington**: As I should be, but fuck reality for a moment.

**Elizabeth Swann**: UGH! I just wanna be with Will. God.

I like NO other men.

**William Turner**: ANd I want to take... er be with you!

**Jack Sparrow**: And she should be. Right?

**William Turner**: right now.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thanks a lot, Will.

:P

**James Norrington**: Right

**William Turner**: what? you are always so defensive! sheesh

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, you only want to TAKE me, but not BE with me. Is that it?

**James Norrington**: Yes.

**Elizabeth Swann**: :(

**William Turner**: Well... yes.

**James Norrington**: That's true.

**Jack Sparrow**: -looks down to see wedding ring- I'm Married!!

**William Turner**: wait.

NO! no no

**James Norrington**: I would do BOTH, Elizabeth.

**William Turner**: that came out wrong

damn you rum. DAMN YOU

**James Norrington**: I'll be with you when I take you,

**Elizabeth Swann**: It's good to know that you only see me as that, Will.

**William Turner**: oh god, I'm wearing the truth helmet

**James Norrington**: and I'll tkae you when I'm with you.

**William Turner**: -throws it away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Fuck off, James.

**William Turner**: Elizabeth I don't love you any less!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm not going into that again.

**Jack Sparrow**: Who's my wife? I can't remember her either

**James Norrington**: I was trying to make you feel loved.

**William Turner**: and I still respect you. I just have... urges. At times.

**James Norrington**: But, fine, whatever.

Be a bitch.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Well, you did a shit job of it.

**Jack Sparrow**: That's because you're a man

**Elizabeth Swann**: Good. I will.

Yes, I can see that, Will.

**William Turner**: You're married to Ana, Jack. And you have the coolest daughter ever ;)

**James Norrington**: Well I tried.

**Jack Sparrow**: Ana...Ana... :(

**William Turner**: look I can just take care of this myself, if that's what you want Elizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: I just want to be loved! I want to be used only for sex. :'(

**Jack Sparrow**: Wait, what?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Which is the feeling I'm getting from you right now.

**William Turner**: but sex is how I express my love!

**James Norrington**: I was trying to - oh, fuck it all.

**Jack Sparrow**: I'm going to go outside and think for a bit...

**William Turner**: what else do you want? Flowers? chocolates? jewelry?

**James Norrington**: -walks away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jackkkkk. How do you let a girl know that you love her?

**William Turner**: don't ask him! He knows less than I do

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shut it, Will.

Go on, Jack.

**James Norrington**: You wrap her in your arms and -

Oh, you're not listening to me.

Of course.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Go on if you want, James.

I'm listening.

**William Turner**: James. You just want to take her too. ADMIT IT!

**James Norrington**: I DID ADMIT IT!

GOD!

**Elizabeth Swann**: UGH! Fuck you all! -walks away-

**William Turner**: I can't remember what happened five minutes ago!

**James Norrington**: FINE!

**William Turner**: no, Elizabeth! -runs after her-

Please, can't we just talk this over?

**Jack Sparrow**: -sitting outside under the stars- What am I not remembering?

**James Norrington**: IF YOU LOVE A WOMAN YOU WRAP HER IN YOUR ARMS AND KISS HER LIKE HELL.

**Jack Sparrow**: sad sigh

**James Norrington**: There, you have my fucking advice, now go use it on her.

**William Turner**: hmm, that's a good idea

-does just that-

how's that, love?

**Elizabeth Swann**: What if I just want to be held and that's it? Would you resent me for it?

**James Norrington**: -sits on floor- Life's a bitch.

**William Turner**: no. I wouldn't

**James Norrington**: If you love a woman, you do what she asks.

**William Turner**: as long as we had sex later...

**Elizabeth Swann**: I mean - no kissing, no sex, nothing. Just holding.

**James Norrington**: That's why all men are gay, see.

**William Turner**: I like holding you, Elizabeth. Really, I do.

**Elizabeth Swann**: And that's ALL, Will?

No sex?

**William Turner**: ha in your dreams, James

**James Norrington**: Yeah. You like holding her breasts. IN BED.

**William Turner**: I can live with that for a bit. ha hell yes I do!

**James Norrington**: A bit here having the meaning of "three seconds".

**William Turner**: but I still have my problem in my pants. Just tell me how you'd like me to fix it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Is that ALL you guys think about? Sex, sex, SEX?

**James Norrington**: Duh.

We're blokes.

We're born like that.

**William Turner**: No. We think about swordfighting as well

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not gay swordfighting, WIll.

I KNOW that's what you were thinking.

**William Turner**: I didn't mean gay swordfighting!

I mean sports in general!!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Right.

**William Turner**: Dudes like sex and sports.

it's a known fact

**Elizabeth Swann**: Uh huh.

**James Norrington**: Sex is a sport.

**Elizabeth Swann**: In your eyes.

**William Turner**: or it's a journey through love-making

**Elizabeth Swann**: Not in mine.

**James Norrington**: It's running through the filed, then

GOAL!!

you hit orgy.

**William Turner**: a voyage of discovery and romance

-why am I saying this?-

**James Norrington**: Way to be a metaphorical moron, Turner.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where is Jack? He's the only one who hasn't made me feel bad tonight.

**James Norrington**: Yeah.

It's always Jack with you, isnt it.

**Elizabeth Swann**: JACK?

No.

**James Norrington**: Jack Jackity Jack Jack Jack. God.

**William Turner**: No! It can't be Jack.

**Elizabeth Swann**: It's Will - but he usualy doesn't act like an asshole.

**James Norrington**: NO! He's talking about Jack.

**William Turner**: Jack... jack off?

**James Norrington**: God.

**William Turner**: hehehe jack's a jack off

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, and let's throw immaturity in there as well.

**Jack Sparrow**: -still sitting under stars thinking-

**James Norrington**: Never mind.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack, come hang out with me!

i feel lonely.

**William Turner**: ok fine. Maybe we should go help Jack remember his life

-walks over to him-

Jack, do you remember the Pearl?

**Elizabeth Swann**: James is a bastard and Will just wants me for sex!

**Jack Sparrow**: Pearl who?

**William Turner**: the Black Pearl! Your beloved ship!

**James Norrington**: Of course I'm a bastard.


	17. 1st June 08

**CaptJackSparrow**: Norrie! Ello, mate.

**James Norrington**: um i mean, Good day.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Are ya glad to see me?

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, please watch the chest

**James Norrington**: No, I am not.

**CaptJackSparrow**: whyever not?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why do I have to watch that damn thing?!

**Will Turner**: I'll let you see my sword later ;)

**James Norrington**: Because you're a pirate.

**CaptJackSparrow**: ugh, James... listen to them

**James Norrington**: Whyyyyyy?

**CaptJackSparrow**: makes me bloody sick

**Elizabeth Swann**: Wonderful compromise, Will.

-eyeroll-

**CaptJackSparrow**: bloody lovebirds

**James Norrington**: Indeed.

**Will Turner**: Because I love you Elizabeth. With all of my heart 3

**James Norrington**: sn: jackdav took his shirt off, squee

**CaptJackSparrow**: O.o

**Elizabeth Swann**: Since when are you corny?

**James Norrington**: oh, please

**Will Turner**: psh. whatever

**James Norrington**: enough with the fluff in front of me.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Will, you're wrong. You don't have the pleasure chest - he does.

**Will Turner**: how did you all arrive here anyway?

**CaptJackSparrow**: SEA TURTLES!

**James Norrington**: Who?

**Will Turner**: no b/c that's how i bloody well got here

**CaptJackSparrow**: you Norrie ol' boy

**James Norrington**: I arrived by ship.

**CaptJackSparrow**: damn.

**James Norrington**: Oh, indeed I do.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Aye, I did as well. With them.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I came with Jack..

**James Norrington**: And don't call me Norrie. It's rude and I detest it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hah.

**Will Turner**: can we go back to randomly running around in a circle...say what elizabeth

**CaptJackSparrow**: Norrie Norrie Norrie Norrie Norrie!

**Will Turner**: you can with jack? how?

**CaptJackSparrow**: I swear it wasn't like that!

**Will Turner**: came

**Elizabeth Swann**: By ship...you're rather dense today, my love.

**James Norrington**: I thought it would be the other way round

**CaptJackSparrow**: the black spot got in the way..

**James Norrington**: Jack would come with you/

**Elizabeth Swann**: It's his ship.

So, I came with HIM.

Duh.

**James Norrington**: Yes, his "ship"

but women don't come, elizabeth

Men do.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shove off, James.

**CaptJackSparrow**: yes. Huge and magnificent and fierce.

**Will Turner**: -rolls eyes-

**James Norrington**: Oh, bull.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Tell that to Will, James...he did once...

**CaptJackSparrow**: oh you shut it William.

**James Norrington**: Oh ho.

**Will Turner**: can we just go back to fighting..

honestly

**CaptJackSparrow**: -steals chest while they fight-

**Will Turner**: -slashes0

**CaptJackSparrow**: Ha! I got it!

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're just mad that you couldnt accomplish that...

Where are you guys going?!

Stop it this instant!

**Will Turner**: Get back here Sparrow!

**James Norrington**: They're going to each otehr's ships.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Ahhhhhhh!

-flails arms-

**James Norrington**: -sigh- Do I follow or stay behind... with Elizabeth?

**CaptJackSparrow**: Oh bugger, I DROPPED it.

**Will Turner**: -tackles jack-

-trips over own feet-

**CaptJackSparrow**: Shove off, William.

and give me that key!

**James Norrington**: -yawns- I'm mighty tired.

**Elizabeth Swann**: You can stay with me, James...

**Will Turner**: -grabs chest and runs-

**CaptJackSparrow**: Noooooooo!

**James Norrington**: -puts arm around Elizabeth- Aren't you tired too, Miss Swann

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'm coming after you, you.. yeasty codpiece!

**Will Turner**: Get away from Elizabeth!

**CaptJackSparrow**: well well, what have we here

**Elizabeth Swann**: Indeed, Mr. Norrington. -lays head on his shoulder-

**CaptJackSparrow**: are you going to let him get away with that, Will?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -falls asleep-

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'll help you take him!

**Will Turner**: Do you know how much shit i had to go through to get here!

**James Norrington**: Mhm.

sn: HAHAHA

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'm sorry about that mate.

I tried to get you back, honestly.

**Will Turner**: Don't you mate me; most of it is your fault

**James Norrington**: I believe you need some aloe, Mr Turner

Some aloe, for that burrrrrrrrrrrrrn.

**Will Turner**: You didn't try hard enough though. :(

**James Norrington**: Now, in the case of Elizabeth right here...

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: smooth lol

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'll try hard enough now...

**James Norrington**: Erm...

-lowers self and Elizabeth slowly onto ground- There we are.

**CaptJackSparrow**: This ought to be good -sits down and watches-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -mumbles- Mmm. Stay with me...

**CaptJackSparrow**: -guzzles rum-

**Will Turner**: I still have the chest -runs to clock tower-

**CaptJackSparrow**: No no!

bloody hell. -staggers towards Will-

**James Norrington**: I will.

**Will Turner**: Come on Mr. Norrington. Too tired, old man?

:P

**CaptJackSparrow**: Hahahaha! Norrie you got told.

**James Norrington**: -calls out- No, Turner -

I'M DOING YOUR JOB

**Elizabeth Swann**: -mumbles- PLease, stay...

**CaptJackSparrow**: I have no such job.. i'm free as.. well a bird!!

**James Norrington**: I will, Elizabeth

I'm right here.

**Will Turner**: And look what happened. She fell asleep

Not very good eh

Unless she's lying of course

**Elizabeth Swann**: -smiles- Mmm. Thank you..

**CaptJackSparrow**: I wouldn't put it past her..

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're such a good man, James.

**James Norrington**: I know.

**Will Turner**: Look. I just really want to save my father. This is the only way I can do it

**CaptJackSparrow**: William, you have no idea what your love is capable of.

**Will Turner**: I think

**James Norrington**: -strokes Elizabeth's MAIN head- You sleep, dear.

**Elizabeth Swann**: SN: god LOL

**CaptJackSparrow**: Well I want it for my own selfish reasons!

**Will Turner**: sn headdesk

**James Norrington**: sn: heh heh heh.

**CaptJackSparrow**: sn: wow.

-yoink-

**Will Turner**: Which is why you're never going to get it. Sorry Jack'

**CaptJackSparrow**: I got it! I got a chest of heart!

**Will Turner**: We're still friends though

**CaptJackSparrow**: oh best of friends, I'm sure.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -whispers so only James can hear- James, why isn't Will here...?

**CaptJackSparrow**: friends with benefits... those are the best kinds.

**Will Turner**: Now if Elizabeth would just 'BLOODY WELL WAKE UP!!

**James Norrington**: I don't know, Elizabeth

**CaptJackSparrow**: Why don't you just kiss her?

**Will Turner**: Honestly

**CaptJackSparrow**: Oh wait... you might DIE.

**James Norrington**: Perhaps he's more interested in the pirate.

**Will Turner**: ...think it'll work

why would i die?

**CaptJackSparrow**: eh -shrugs- foreshadowing

**Will Turner**: she's just Elizabeth. My beautiful, elegant fierce -rambles-

**James Norrington**: -pats Elizabeth's back- Just sleep. Ignore their fighting.

**Will Turner**: what's foreshadowing

**CaptJackSparrow**: So Norrie, can't you just accept that she's Turners?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -sniffles- Why does he care more about saving the father that abandoned him than being with me?

**Will Turner**: No Elizabeth. I do care about you

**James Norrington**: Maybe he's known his father longer?

**CaptJackSparrow**: because he's dense.

**Will Turner**: but my father... he isn't well

not well at all

i love you but...he needs me too

**Elizabeth Swann**: And whose fault is that? -angry-

**CaptJackSparrow**: would you be well if you had a starfish growing on your face?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shut up, Jack.

**James Norrington**: Not Mine.

sn: ha

**CaptJackSparrow**: -drinks more rum-

**James Norrington**: I don't know, Elizabeth. But it's not your fault

**Will Turner**: well i know where my father is, elizabeth knows where hers is. jack do you?

**CaptJackSparrow**: Erm... well.. do we HAVE to go there?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -eye roll- UGH! You're missing the goddamn point! ALL of you!

**Will Turner**: we have some time

**James Norrington**: Sorry!

**Will Turner**: and what would that be miss. impatient?

**CaptJackSparrow**: I was born a poor colored pirate bastard... -cries-

and my father was never there

**Will Turner**: mine too!

**James Norrington**: What's wrong, Elizabeth?

**Will Turner**: -cries-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -levels a glare at Will- Forget it.

**CaptJackSparrow**: I

sn: whoops

**Elizabeth Swann**: -walks off towards the beach-

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'll bet ol' Norrie here was raised in an upstanding family

**Will Turner**: Hey, you're the one who keeps falling asleep in norrie's arms. not mine

**James Norrington**: -walks after Elizabeth- What's wrong?

**Will Turner**: get back here

**CaptJackSparrow**: did you and your da have tea every afternoon together?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Because you don't seem to care, Will!

You LEFT.

**Will Turner**: I do care!

**Elizabeth Swann**: James is the only THAT cares.

**James Norrington**: -calls back- NO, WE DID NOT, SPARROW

Indeed.

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'll bet you two had garden parties too!!

**Will Turner**: And then that whole thing with Jack sending me to Davy Jones. that counts for nothing then b/c apparently that's my fault

**CaptJackSparrow**: I love garden parties.

Almost as much as I love weddings.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I never said that was your fault, Will!

GOD.

**CaptJackSparrow**: I said I was sorry!

**James Norrington**: -grabs Elizabeth's arm- Elizabeth -

**CaptJackSparrow**: Was it really all that bad, Will?

**James Norrington**: sn: here comes James the good man.

**Will Turner**: ...yes

**CaptJackSparrow**: did he.. do something to you? -gulp-

**James Norrington**: Elizabeth, he loves you, he's sorry, he didn't mean it.

**Will Turner**: i never want to step foot on that ship ever, ever again

**James Norrington**: Blah blah blah, never mind, you can be mine now.

**CaptJackSparrow**: sn: -nort

Will, you have to fight for her... savvy?

**Elizabeth Swann**: WHY do you guys always defend Will?! I'm getting bloody sick of it!

**Will Turner**: Jack, why must Elizabeth always pick a fight with me? What do I keep doing wrong?

**James Norrington**: I'm not defending him anymore.

**Will Turner**: I try to do right by her and look where it gets me

**Elizabeth Swann**: Because you never seem to be on the same page as me!

**CaptJackSparrow**: Nothing. She just has issues..

**James Norrington**: Here, you can be mine. -hugs Elizabeth-

**Will Turner**: -pulls james off elizabeth-

**James Norrington**: Never mind Turner now, he's gone mad with incest.

**CaptJackSparrow**: I wouldn't want to put up with the nagging, and the false accusations, that's for sure

**James Norrington**: YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR HER, TURNER

**Will Turner**: I Tried

**James Norrington**: -crosses arms- Show her you care, then.

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, you didn't!

**CaptJackSparrow**: Incest? How does that work exactly? Sounds... interesting.

**Elizabeth Swann**: You DID NOT try.

That's the problem!

**Will Turner**: Then what the hell do you want me to do? hmm?

explain darling

**James Norrington**: -puts arm around Elizabeth- Honestly. You should know that, Turner

**Elizabeth Swann**: -whispers sadly- You should know what to do.

**CaptJackSparrow**: oh, because he wants to rescue Bootstrap. I finally got it!

**Will Turner**: i don't know everything elizabeth. if i did then we wouldn't be here trying to get this bloody chest for beckett

er compass

**James Norrington**: Right.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Come on, Norrie. What say you and I go have a friendly little sparring match while the lovebirds patch things up?

**Elizabeth Swann**: You SHOULD know this.

**James Norrington**: Sparrow.

Have you no shame

**Elizabeth Swann**: -looks brokenly at Will-

**CaptJackSparrow**: -grins- YES?!

No. None at all, mate.

**Will Turner**: -touches face- what do you want most elizabeth -whispered passionately-

**James Norrington**: sn: ...norrington does still have his arma round elizabeth, you know.

**CaptJackSparrow**: You may never insult me... who am I?

**Elizabeth Swann**: -whispers- For you to stay and be there for me.

...That's all.

**James Norrington**: An idiot.

**CaptJackSparrow**: why, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!

**Will Turner**: -kisses elizabeth- that's what i want too

**CaptJackSparrow**: me too... just not with her

**Elizabeth Swann**: Doesn't seem like it.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Oh Norrie?!

Jackie's feeling lonely..

**Will Turner**: i'm trying elizabeth. really. there's just so many things holding us back right now

least of which is this -holds up chest0

**James Norrington**: Sparrow...

**CaptJackSparrow**: Come on, James. I'll make it really good for you!

**James Norrington**: -rolls eyes- Fine.

**Elizabeth Swann**: But, why is your father suddenly so much more important than me?!

**CaptJackSparrow**: Excellent!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'M the one that's always been there for you.

**James Norrington**: -walks towards Jack- A quickie?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Doesn't that count for something?

**CaptJackSparrow**: should we start now?

**Will Turner**: He's under a curse Elizabeth. I-i have to try and save him

**CaptJackSparrow**: quickie works for me, luv.

**Will Turner**: He's the only family I have left

**James Norrington**: Don't call me luv.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Alright, Norrie.

**James Norrington**: Don't call me that either.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -dejectedly- So, I'm not important anymore, then?

**CaptJackSparrow**: Norrikins?

**James Norrington**: NO.

**CaptJackSparrow**: JamiePoo?

**Will Turner**: Why are you being so self centered. I want to do something for myself; is that so wrong?

**James Norrington**: NO.

**CaptJackSparrow**: well, WHAT then?

wigman?

**James Norrington**: Norrington.

**Will Turner**: Just forget it Elizabeth. Forget it

**CaptJackSparrow**: psh.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -shocked- I'm not being self-centered! I'm just afriad for you!

**Will Turner**: -starts to walk away-

**CaptJackSparrow**: FINE! -eyeroll- Norrington it is.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Fine. Do what you do best.

-walks in the other direction-

**Will Turner**: I will

**CaptJackSparrow**: that's going to be a bloody mouthful. Oh Norrington!! You're making this difficult, mate.

**Will Turner**: ...and I want you

**James Norrington**: OH, WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY!

**Will Turner**: -drops chest and runs back-

**CaptJackSparrow**: Opportune moment, indeed.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -turns angrily around to face Will- Because you make it so obvious.

-glares-

**CaptJackSparrow**: See, I'm already picking up on your speech patterns! It was meant to be, luv.

**Will Turner**: -glares back-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let me know when you make up your mind. -turns around and walks away-

**CaptJackSparrow**: I suppose I'll return to Will and Lizzie.

**Will Turner**: :P

**CaptJackSparrow**: Will, mate, what happened?

James? Is that you?

**James Norrington**: Yes.

**CaptJackSparrow**: You disappeared on me, mate. Don't do that again!!

**Will Turner**: -sigh-

**James Norrington**: And why not?

**Will Turner**: alone again Turner :(

**CaptJackSparrow**: Because I want you!

**James Norrington**: You what?

**CaptJackSparrow**: and no one has ever refused Captain Jack

it's rather disheartening

**James Norrington**: Well, you're not a bad sex partner -

- you're an ex. Sorry, Sparrow, you're not getting any from me.

**Will Turner**: -quickly wipes away tear-

**CaptJackSparrow**: But.. but... YOU SAID A QUICKIE!

**James Norrington**: I meant swordfight, in the metal sense.

**CaptJackSparrow**: you're playing with my mind, Norrington. -glare-

**James Norrington**: And not...

Mind here having the meaning of brain, and nothing else.

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'll give you a sword fight -sword thrust-

Sent at 05:44 pm on Monday.

**CaptJackSparrow**: -still thrusting-

**Will Turner**: ...

**Elizabeth Swann**: -Impatiently walks back to Will- Changed your mind?

**James Norrington**: Get away from me.

Sparrow.

**CaptJackSparrow**: fight me!

or do you think you cannot handle a pirate?

**Will Turner**: I want you but my father needs me too. But I really want you more

i love you. that's the only way i made it through the last few days. weeks

**James Norrington**: I'm sure I can handle you.

**Will Turner**: thinking of you helped me survive

**Elizabeth Swann**: Then, do what you to do...just come back to me.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Really. -scoff- Prove it.

**James Norrington**: No!

I'm not falling for that.

**Will Turner**: i was and then you got all mad at me before :(

**CaptJackSparrow**: then I don't believe you. -crosses arms-

**James Norrington**: So what? Don't want you to.

**CaptJackSparrow**: That's my Norrie.. stubborn as always. ;)

**Elizabeth Swann**: The only reason you came back was because you saw James with me. You wouldn't have otherwise.

Admit it.

**James Norrington**: I'm not yours.

**CaptJackSparrow**: -smacks Norrie's ass-

That's not how I see it.

**James Norrington**: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!

**Will Turner**: That's not it at all. I really do love you. I fought undead pirates to save you

**CaptJackSparrow**: Woah! -backs up-

**James Norrington**: Well it's how I see it, will you fuck off now.

**CaptJackSparrow**: No!

**Will Turner**: I helped a pirate escape prison just so he could help me

**CaptJackSparrow**: Why are you so damn hostile?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes, you DID. But now all you seem to do is leave me.

**James Norrington**: Apologies. Goodbye.

-runs away-

**Elizabeth Swann**: The past has nothing to do with now.

**Will Turner**: Ok, when was the first time i left you recently

**CaptJackSparrow**: This is fabulous. Should I go after him? What do you think? Yes, that's what I thought too.

James!! -runs after him-

**Elizabeth Swann**: -ponders mockingly- Oh, about FIVE MINUTES AGO.

Honestly, Will.

**James Norrington**: NOOOOOO.

-runs off-

**Will Turner**: -glares again-

**CaptJackSparrow**: What is it you don't like about captain Jack?! Is it because I don't bathe as often as you?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Don't be upset just because you know it's true. -glares back-

**CaptJackSparrow**: you didn't USED to care about that

**James Norrington**: No, because you're Jack Sparrow!!

Will Turner has left.

**CaptJackSparrow**: And?

**James Norrington**: DId I never?

**CaptJackSparrow**: To everyone else, I'm a god!

**Elizabeth Swann**: And there he leaves again...

**CaptJackSparrow**: what the fuck is your problem?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -sigh-

-calls out- Jack!

Will Turner has joined.

**CaptJackSparrow**: What did I ever do to you, James.

**James Norrington**: YOU'RE MY PROBLEM, AND NO PSYCHIATRIST CAN FIX IT, YOU FUCKING DOORKNOB!

**CaptJackSparrow**: Aye, Lizzie dear.

**Will Turner**: What happened? i just fainted?

**James Norrington**: You didn't do anythinig.

you just... psh.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Funny, I didn't know psychiatry even existed

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm "borrowing" your ship. - runs to the ship-

**Will Turner**: Wait. What. No come back

**CaptJackSparrow**: Will you just TALK to me, James?

**James Norrington**: NO.

-runs off-

**CaptJackSparrow**: You've put me through hell... I demand an explanation.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -jumps in the boat and starts to row away-

**CaptJackSparrow**: Bugger.

I think I'll let him cool off.

William?!

**Will Turner**: ELIZABETH!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -climbs onto the ship and pushes Cotton away from the wheel-

**James Norrington**: -crosses arms- I'll just stand here and watch.

**Will Turner**: -mopes-

**CaptJackSparrow**: Will, help me win Norrie back!

**Will Turner**: I will if you help me get Elizabeth back

**James Norrington**: It won't work.

**CaptJackSparrow**: I wouldn't be going to you for relationship advice unless I had no other choice, savvy?

**Will Turner**: i feel so loved here

**CaptJackSparrow**: Agreed!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -pulls the Pearl away from the island-

**CaptJackSparrow**: well you're not exactly what I'd call an expert! -chuckle-

**Will Turner**: am i everyone's tool?

**CaptJackSparrow**: do you want to be? -raises eyebrows-

**James Norrington**: -facepalm- Yeah, yeah. You just go fuck around with Jack... tool.

**Elizabeth Swann**: -The Pearl is half a mile away now-

**CaptJackSparrow**: I could arrange that.

**Will Turner**: no. i'm flattered but no

**James Norrington**: Sparrow, you do know Miss Swann has gone off with your ship?

**CaptJackSparrow**: suit yourself.

WHOT?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -is a mile away now-

**CaptJackSparrow**: I'm going to kill her!

**James Norrington**: The ship is a mile off.

**CaptJackSparrow**: Thanks SO much for that update, Norrie.

I just got her back too! -wails-

**James Norrington**: -facepalm-

**Will Turner**: uh

**CaptJackSparrow**: oh leave me alone, James. It's not like you give a shit about me anyways.

**James Norrington**: Indeed.

**CaptJackSparrow**: ME PEARL! She's bloody gone. I suck at life.


	18. Four Become Five

We welcome Aqua, aka Laura, to our lovely little group!! And to celebrate we had an RP.

**In Order Of Appearance:**

**Will – lateBloomer04  
Jack – PirateAngel1286  
James - Nahr  
Ana – Aquamarine07  
Elizabeth – amugglenamedCaity**

THE FAB FIVE ROCK! Norrie does too.

o-o-o

**Will**: We're all here!

**Jack**: This is the last time I let William steer the ship. -sigh-

**Will**: It was NOT me that did this, Jack

SOMEONE had a bit too much rum

**Jack**: You were the one at the wheel

**Will**: I think not.

**Jack**: Yes you were

**James**: -rolls eyes- Don't start that again.

**Will**: Elizabeth, you were a witness

**James**: Always arguing.

**Will**: wasn't it Jack's fault?

**Ana**: No, it wasn't!

**Elizabeth S.**: Was I?

**Will**: you WOULD take Jack's side

**Jack**: Why must it always be my bloody fault

**Ana**: It's not your fault.

**Will**: Ana likes Jaaack!

**James**: Because you're captain Sparrow

**Ana**: Oh grow up Will.

-rollesyes-

**Jack**: -mocking voice- Will likes Elizaaabeth

Ha! Beat that

**Will**: we're together you idiot

of course I like her!

**Ana**: And Jack and I aren't...?

**Will**: sn: are we married?

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: wait, are we married yet?

**James**: sn: hehe connected minds.

**Will**: sn: YES

**Ana**: sn: are me and jack together? LOL

**Will**: sn: weird

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: haha awesome

**Will**: sn: if you want to be

**Jack**: sn yes

**Ana**: sn: cool lol

**Will**: We're married, Ana. Beat that

**James**: -pouts-

**Ana**: We're... life partners!

**Will**: what are you James?

**Jack**: Yeah

**James**: A wanker.

**Jack**: He has Gillette of course

**Will**: sn: i just spit on my computer screen

**James**: Gillette? Where!? -looks around hopefully-

**Ana**: sn: HAHAH

**James**: sn: HAHAHAH why. am i that funny. hmm? :P

**Will**: Gillette, the best a man can get

**James**: sn: ditto on the spitting thing.

**Will**: sn: i am obsessed with that joke

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: okay, now i just spit on mine lol

Ana has left.

**Will**: No, James. Gillette's not here.

**Jack**: Well let's have a manly spitting contest. We've got nothing else to do

Ana?

**James**: Aww. Damn. -crosses arms-

**Will**: SHE LEFT YOU! Ahahaha

Maybe you suck in bed?

**James**: Ha I'll say.

Ana has joined.

**Elizabeth S.**: Ew. Manly spitting contests are gross.

**Jack**: You came back -hug-

**Will**: Aw man, she's back

**Ana**: Will!

**Elizabeth S.**: Well...never mind.

**James**: Oh well Miss Swann - Mrs Turner. I do not spit so silli...ly

**Ana**: -hugs Jack-

**Will**: I don't really spit.

**James**: Oh I give up.

**Jack**: Back to the conversation at hand...

**James**: sn: where exactly are we

**Will**: I think we should do couple activities

**Jack**: We're trapped on a bloody island and no one knows how to find us

**James**: Couple activies huh. -walks off annoyedly-

**Will**: Elizabeth and I need some alone time

**Elizabeth S.**: Aww. Poor James.

**James**: Fine, I'll just be over here, with my right hand.

**Will**: -under breath- It's all Jack's fault

sn: lol

**James**: -raises brow-

**Jack**: -whispers- Was not

**Ana**: Do you guys go anywhere without... you know?

**James**: say my name again elizabeth, and i'll just go behind that bush there.

**Jack**: What darling?

**Will**: ewww

**Elizabeth S.**: I'd rather...not.

Sorry.

**Will**: Jack can say it though

**James**: No. No, you're not.

**Will**: will that work?

**James**: Oh please, that was a flop.

Literally

**Elizabeth S.**: No, I really am!

**Will**: sn: lol

**Ana**: sn: hahah

**Elizabeth S.**: Why does no one ever believe me?! Ugh!

**Will**: I BELIEVE YOU

**James**: Let's just say...

**Ana**: You really are what?

**James**: I WANT to believe...

**Will**: you're too nice to him though

**James**: sn: COULDNT HELP IT

**Will**: sn: YAY

**Jack**: You believe her but you don't believe me. I GOT THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET!!1

**Ana**: Pretty much.

**Will**: No you didn't!

**Jack**: Well i helped

**Ana**: Technically... he kinda did.

**Elizabeth S.**: I don't want James to be all by himself, though. He was a good friend to me, after all.

**Will**: I had to save your ass and then Elizabeth threw herself at me

end of story.

**James**: Oh, I'm touched.

**Jack**: She said your name Jamie boy

**Elizabeth S.**: Ahem. THREW myself at you?

**Will**: well I guess he could join Jack and Ana

**James**: heh... literally... touched.

-walks off towards bushes-

**Ana**: ... I slapped Jack. If that helps.

**Elizabeth S.**: Ah, dammit.

**Will**: what?

**Ana**: Poor guy.

**Will**: I was kidding

I would never wish that on Jack and Ana

**Ana**: Ew WILL!

**Elizabeth S.**: Sure you wouldn't. ;)

**Ana**: Threesome?

**Will**: hehehe

**Ana**: Jack, back me up here.

**Elizabeth S.**: Ana, threesomes are actually quite...fun.

**Jack**: -wraps arm around Ana-

**Elizabeth S.**: Sort of.

**Will**: it's true

**James**: -muffled- I heard that and I concur!

**Will**: as long as they are James-free

**Ana**: You have experience in this?

**James**: -muffled- Shut up, Turner.

**Ana**: Ooo do tell!

**Elizabeth S.**: ...Just a bit.

**Jack**: What darling?

**Will**: -cough- me?

**James**: Um, Will Turner.

**Will**: yes?

**Ana**: So who've you two had a threesome with?

**Elizabeth S.**: Jack...and James.

**Will**: everybody

**James**: Oh yes!

**Elizabeth S.**: ...And both...at the same time.

**Ana**: ... Jack?

**Will**: sn: i spit again

**Jack**: That was a good day

**Ana**: Jack, you were part of this?

**James**: -sidles up to Elizabeth- Why yes

**Jack**: it was the raisins

**Will**: yeah he was

oh don't blame the raisins!

**Elizabeth S.**: Damn those blasted raisins.

**Ana**: Dammit! Why do I miss all the fun?

**Jack**: You ate them too. Don't deny it!

**Will**: you were doing something else that night

**Elizabeth S.**: No, I didn't!

**Will**: oh I did eat them.

**Elizabeth S.**: I was the ONLY ONE that didn't.

:P

**Will**: I'd eat them again

**Jack**: No, you had them once

**James**: And yet you participated, Elizabeth.

**Elizabeth S.**: -hisses- Will...

**James**: O rly, Orly?

**Will**: yes?! -scared shitless-

**Elizabeth S.**: You WILL NOT eat them again.

Ever.

**Will**: sn: orly lol

**James**: Oh, but I disagree.

**Will**: but Whyyyyyy?

**Elizabeth S.**: STFU, James.

**Jack**: They're rich in chocolatey goodness

**Will**: ahaha you got told

**James**: :P

**Elizabeth S.**: My husband was not a good man that night. I didn't like it.

So, HA.

**Will**: I'm sorry!!

**Ana**: Oh, but didn't you? ;)

**Will**: I've paid for it with a week of abstinence.

**James**: ha

**Elizabeth S.**: I would've if he'd been naughty to ME, but it was to JACK and JAMES.

Ughhh!

**Ana**: Hah!

**Will**: the raisins made them look attractive, what can I say?

**Ana**: It's not a far stretch for Jack.

**Elizabeth S.**: But, you're supposed to always pick me over them!

**Will**: you would've looked attractive too, Ana

**Jack**: Exactly

Wait

**Elizabeth S.**: Will!!

**Ana**: -takes offense-

**Elizabeth S.**: UGH.

**Jack**: -frown

**Will**: like you picked Jack over me?

**Elizabeth S.**: I DID NOT PICK JACK.

**Ana**: I would've looked attractive THEN?!

**Elizabeth S.**: For the love of all that is holy!

ugh.

**Will**: uhhuhsureright

**James**: What about me?

**Will**: you just looked like a scruffy rat

**Elizabeth S.**: Will,

**James**: I'm sorry?

**Elizabeth S.**: why is it that whenever we get together with Jack and James we end up in a fight?

I don't like it. :(

**James**: A scruffy WHAT?a

**Will**: me neither

**Jack**: i know exactly what you mean love

**Will**: let's just kiss and make up

**James**: Oh no. Spare me

**Will**: R.A.T.

**Ana**: Oh dear God.

**Elizabeth S.**: Okay! :D

**James**: -covers eyes-

**Elizabeth S.**: I love you, Will.

**James**: LA LA LA LAA

**Will**: -smoochy woochy-

**James**: DIDNT HEAR THAT

**Ana**: Jack, how come you don't say that to me?

**Elizabeth S.**: Do you love me, Will? :(

**Jack**: I thought I said it last night ;)

**Ana**: Jaaaaaaack?

**James**: -gives up and looks at right hand-

**Will**: he's not -kiss- man enough -kiss-

**Ana**: Oh right.

**Jack**: And this morning ;)

**Will**: of course I do!

**James**: I love you, Right Hand.

**Jack**: And 20 min ago ;)

**Will**: I should've told you every moment since the day I met you ;)

**James**: Such suppleness you carry.

OH SHUT UP TURNER.

**Elizabeth S.**: Yes, you should've.

**James**: -grumbles and walks off-

**Ana**: And when you were supposed to be steering but you were conveniently in the supply cabin with me?

;)

**Will**: I knew it!

**Jack**: Ah, that's why we crashed

**Ana**: Oh. Whoops.

**Jack**: Fuck

**Ana**: Sorry!

**Will**: James, come back

**Elizabeth S.**: James, we really need to find you a girl. It's taking us a long time.

**Jack**: Since January at least

**Elizabeth S.**: When did we start this search? Like, nine months ago?

**James**: Yes.

**Elizabeth S.**: yeah.

**Will**: wow, that's like the time it takes for a baby to grow

**Elizabeth S.**: No shit, Will.

**Jack**: Duh uh ya think

**Will**: is James having a baby?

**James**: ...

er

no

NO

**Elizabeth S.**: Now that's just sick.

**James**: of course not

nothing. no baby. of course.

how could you say that?

**Will**: you'd be surprised what's possible in fanfic

**James**: -head laugh-

**Jack**: o.0

**Elizabeth S.**: I've read enough weird baby stuff to last me a good while.

**Ana**: He did the nervous head laugh.

**Will**: no kidding**. **Jack, there's stuff like that written about us too

**Ana**: sn: hahah

**Jack**: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's like a nightmare

**Will**: if you see it, just run in the other direction

**Elizabeth S.**: I'm going to pretend I've never stumbled upon that stuff.

**James**: haha. of course. never. no baby here. nu uh.

**Ana**: Well there's stuff about Elizabeth and Jack and Elizabeth and James too.

**Elizabeth S.**: There better not be, James!

**Will**: that's true... GROSS

Ana you got left out a lot

**Jack**: and Elizabeth and Beckett, Elizabeth and Jones, Elizabeth and Feng...

**Ana**: Elizabeth and me?

**Elizabeth S.**: ...EW!

Stop!

**James**: Elizabeth an James...

**Elizabeth S.**: I just want to hear about me and Will--that's it!

**Will**: I find this insulting to my wife's honor

**James**: Elizabeth and.. ME?

would you be referring to, hm

**Jack**: you know what would be really hot right now?

**Will**: indeed

what?

**Jack**: l.s.i

**Elizabeth S.**: Do I want to know, jack?

**Ana**: I doubt it.

**Elizabeth S.**: That's what I thought..

**Will**: little sparrow inferno?

**Jack**: close

**Will**: sn: FREAKED OUT

**Ana**: Oh WOW. Leave ME out Jack!

**Jack**: Aww

**Will**: there are some sparramarias

**Ana**: How could you?! How could you ship yourself and Elizabeth?!

**Elizabeth S.**: Blasphemy, I know.

**Jack**: Not by my own choise i Swear

**Will**: I'd hope not

**Ana**: And yet you think it'd be hot.

**Elizabeth S.**: That's some pretty black blasphemy, Jack. You should be ashamed.

**Will**: hey look what I found in my pocket!

RAISINS!

**Jack**: what?

**Elizabeth S.**: NO!

**Jack**: yay

**Will**: -gulp-

**James**: HUZZAH!

**Ana**: I'll take some.

**Elizabeth S.**: NO, ANA!

**Jack**: me too me too

**Will**: raisins for everyone!

**Ana**: -gulp-

**James**: Oh.

**Ana**: I feel.. wierd.

**James**: Well Elizabeth doesn't wanna.

**Will**: yes even James gets some

**James**: -innocent-

**Jack**: -gulp-

**James**: So I shan't either.

**Will**: Wheeeeee

**Elizabeth S.**: I refuse to take part in this.

**Jack**: Shove it down their throats!

**Will**: James, you don't need them

**James**: Same too.

**Ana**: sn: raisins are ooc-ness?

**James**: sn: HELL YEAH

**Will**: you are just permanently randy

**Ana**: sn: hahah

**Will**: sn: and they induce horniness

**Ana**: sn:... figures ;)

**James**: Sooooooooo, Elizabeth.

Didn't take a raisin, hey.

**Will**: Elizabeth, just have one!

**Ana**: Yeah, one won't hurt!

**Elizabeth S.**: NO! I refuse!

**Jack**: Yeah

**James**: I too, refuse.

**Ana**: Will just shove it down her throat!

**Jack**: -falls over- Ahahaha

**Will**: please? I'll make it good for you Elizabeth

**Elizabeth S.**: Will, you wouldn't dare.

I'll kill you.

**Ana**: DO IT. DO IT. DO IT.

**Will**: no, but Ana would

**Ana**: -takes raisins-

Ohhhh ELIZABETH!

**Elizabeth S.**: I'll kill her. You want that on your conscience?

**Jack**: Come on Love, you never really let loose. Let yourself go for once

**Will**: listen to Jack!

**Ana**: -shoves raisins at Elizabeth-

**James**: -stops raisins-

She doesnt want none.

**Elizabeth S.**: No! They're horrible! -runs-

**Jack**: -sticks raisin in Elizabeth's mouth and holds it shut-

**James**: Even though that's double negative.

**Will**: thank you Jack

**Jack**: Swallow

**Elizabeth S.**: -refuses to swallow-

**James**: AHH YOU BASTARDS

**Jack**: Help me Willliam

**Will**: -tickles Elizabeth-

**James**: -lunges at Jack-

**Elizabeth S.**: -punches Jack-

**Ana**: Will tell her to swallow!

**Elizabeth S.**: -kicks Will-

**Will**: Swallow!

for once

**James**: SN: -SPITS-

**Will**: OW

**Elizabeth S.**: -knees Will in the grion-

**Jack**: sn jimmy updated the rr

**Elizabeth S.**: groin-

**Will**: sn: sorry

**James**: Sparrow - you - utter - sicko - she -

**Will**: FUuuuuuuuuuuck

-falls to the ground in agony-

**Ana**: -holds Elizabeth down-

**Jack**: Dude, why haven't they kicked in yet?

**James**: didn't - want - any - damn - YOU! -punches with each word-

**Elizabeth S.**: James, help!

**Will**: Paaaaaaaaain!

**James**: -gets off Jack and tackles Ana-

I don't hurt women.

**Jack**: Hey!

**Ana**: SHIT!

**James**: But, um.

-rolls to side grabbing Ana-

**Will**: Ana help me -whimpers in pain-

**Ana**: -kicks James' ass-

**Jack**: -punches James-

**James**: OWW

damn it

**Will**: excellent!

**Jack**: I'll help you Will

-helps Will stand-

**Ana**: -punch James-

**Jack**: You okay?

**Elizabeth S.**: -Knees Jack in the groin-

**Ana**: -slap of death-

**James**: OW -stands up awkwardly-

**Will**: yeah, I think so

sn: lol

**James**: -sways- I SHALL NOT BE DEFEATED

**Jack**: Oooph

**Will**: Elizabeth, enough with the groin kicking!

**Ana**: sn: LOL

**Jack**: -collapses-

**James**: -grabs Elizabeth's hand- COME ON RUN ELIZABETH

**Elizabeth S.**: Then, stop trying to make me eat those wretched things!

**James**: before i collapse in pain.

**Elizabeth S.**: -runs with James-

**Ana**: -lunges at Elizabeth-

**Will**: nooooooooooooo

**James**: -runs-

**Ana**: -tackles Liz-

**James**: MISSED

**Will**: -runs after them-

**James**: HAHA

**Elizabeth S.**: James!

**James**: run elizabeth

RUN !

**Ana**: Jack! HURRY!

**James**: argh

**Elizabeth S.**: -keeps running-

**Jack**: -passed out-

**Will**: -punches james-

**Ana**: Damn.

**James**: ow

**Ana**: -runs for Jack-

**James**: -keeps running-

**Ana**: Jack are you alright?

**Will**: I feel... strange. I think it's affecting me!

**Ana**: sn: LOTR!

**Will**: sn: yep

**James**: COME ON ELIZABETH

**Ana**: Me... too!

**Will**: must... procreate...now

**Jack**: zzzzzzzzzzzzz

**Will**: oh Elizabeth?

**Ana**: Woah. Will, you are looking strangly attractive.

**Will**: sn: someone wake jack up

and so are you, Ana!

**Jack**: sn Raisins, the Viagra of 1790

**Ana**: -wakes jack up-

**Elizabeth S.**: James, get me away from him! i can't be around him when he's like this.

**Will**: sn: indeed

**James**: -throws rock and misses and kits jack instead-

OKAY!

**Jack**: Ow, damn

**James**: -picks up elizabeth and runs for it-

**Jack**: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**Will**: Ana, you me and Jack... what do you say?

**Ana**: I'm in ;)

**Will**: Jack?

**Elizabeth S.**: Did we lose them

?

**James**: -slows down- I think they're plotting something else. Yes.A

**Ana**: Oh you know he's in.

**Will**: haha true...

**Jack**: My head :(

**James**: And I'll stop running now. -puts elizabeth down-

**Will**: we'll make it better Jack

**Elizabeth S.**: Thank you.

**Ana**: Ohh yes.

**Will**: right Ana?

sn: haha

**James**: -sits down- wonder what they're saying over there...

**Jack**: yay

**Will**: Jack, just relax

**Ana**: -sexy voice- Me... you... Will...

**Will**: -pulls Jack into lap-

**James**: Oh my god.

Elizabeth... don't look.

**Jack**: -looks into Will's eyes-

**Ana**: -strokes Jack's hair-

**James**: sn: again with the spitting

**Will**: I want you Jack

**Elizabeth S.**: I'm not. Ew...

**Will**: I don't know why, but I do

**James**: No no no no don't look!

**Jack**: -begins taking off Will's shirt-

**Elizabeth S.**: James, why does he keep doing this to me? :(

**Jack**: Me too

**Ana**: Hell, I want both of you.

**James**: I don't know, Elizabeth. I wish I did.

**Will**: -grins-

**James**: I'm sure it's not your problem.

**Will**: so Jack is there anything particular that Ana likes?

**Jack**: She likes everything

Right love?

**Ana**: Mmmmmmmmmmhm.

**Will**: alrighty then

**Ana**: -rips will's shirt off-

**Will**: -strips off rest of clothes-

sn: haha

**Elizabeth S.**: Ew!

**Will**: Like what you see, Ana?

**Ana**: -grins-

Oh, Will...

**Will**: your turn, Jack

oh yes?

**James**: DON'T LOOK

**Ana**: Ohhhh yes.

**James**: Just look at something else.

**Ana**: You next Jack ;)

**Jack**: -rips off own shirt-

**Will**: -kisses Ana-

**James**: Umm

**Will**: sn: lol

**Elizabeth S.**: I've had it! James, if you want me, then you can have me.

**Ana**: -kisses Will-

**James**: ...I...

**Jack**: -sexy voice- Let's get startede

**Elizabeth S.**: I give up.

**James**: Really?

**Elizabeth S.**: Yes.

**Ana**: I guess I should strip too.

**James**: Well.

**Ana**: -strips-

**James**: Do you want me to take you now?

**Will**: wow! Jack you are a lucky man

**Elizabeth S.**: ..Do you want me now?

**James**: I always will.

**Jack**: ;)

**Ana**: -winks-

**James**: You can choose.

**Elizabeth S.**: Then, take me, dammit.

**Ana**: So, shall we?

**Will**: -low voice- Ana... Jack

**James**: Okay.

**Will**: I need you now.

**James**: We'll go away from them, then.

-stands up-

**Jack**: -kisses Will-

**Elizabeth S.**: Good. Let's.

**Will**: ohhhh

**James**: -walks towards trees-

**Ana**: -caresses Will-

**Will**: -fondles Ana-

sn: i'm laughing so hard

**Ana**: -sighs-

**Jack**: -traces finger on Will's back-

sn me too

**James**: -puts arm around Elizabeth- Well, uh

**Will**: Jack... ahh... how are we going to do this?

**Elizabeth S.**: Are you going to take me or not?

**James**: Okay. I will.

-starts kissing Elizabeth-

**Jack**: someone has to be on the bottom first

**Will**: I'll volunteer!

**Elizabeth S.**: -rips James's shirt off and kisses back-

**Ana**: Then where am I?

**Will**: I'd love to serve under you Jack

**Jack**: excellent. then ana, then me

**James**: -mumbles-

**Ana**: Unless I'm under Will.

**James**: -presses Elizabeth against tree-

**Ana**: Okay.

**James**: -whispers- standing up or lying down.

**Ana**: sn: hahahaha

**Elizabeth S.**: -unzips James- Doesn't matter.

**James**: Alrighty

**Will**: ok... I'm ready!

**Elizabeth S.**: You pick.

**James**: -kisses harder-

**Will**: as you can see...

**Jack**: -censored-

**Ana**: -censored-

**Will**: ahhhh Jack!

**Elizabeth S.**: -kisses back-

**Will**: -double censored-

**Jack**: Oh, this is so hot!

**Will**: Ana, please! -whimpers-

**Ana**: -censored harder-

**Jack**: sn hahahahahaha

**James**: -falls onto back with Elizabeth on chest- Lying down then.

**Will**: sn: lollllllllz

**Ana**: sn: Ana would be the Mia of potc.

**Will**: sn: lol yeah

**Ana**: sn: she would totally start slapping people.

**Elizabeth S.**: -mumbles- Save a horse, ride a commodore...

**Will**: sn: fucking and slapping

**James**: sn AHAH HAHAHA HAHAHAH HAHA

**Ana**: -slaps Will-

**James**: That's right, Elizabeth.

**Ana**: Damn!

**Will**: What I do?!

**James**: -strips Elizabeth-

**Jack**: -smacks Ana's bottom-

**Ana**: Nothing... keep... going...

**Will**: oh right...

Jack, we have work to do

**Jack**: -censored x100000-

**Elizabeth S.**: -caresses James- Have you been working out?

**Jack**: I'm going as fast as I can

**James**: I should hope so.

**Will**: Ana, say our names

**Ana**: Jackkkkkkk...

**James**: -still kissing-

**Ana**: Wiiiiiiiiiill...

-moaning-

**Will**: yes!

**Jack**: -falls back-

**Elizabeth S.**: Take me now, James. I need it.

**Ana**: -collapses-

**James**: As you command

**Jack**: -breathing heavily

**Will**: -heavy breathing-

**Ana**: -shudders-

**James**: -does so-

**Will**: we've got you

**James**: -mutters- Have I changed

**Ana**: -heavy breathing- Will... Jack...

**Elizabeth S.**: -double censored-

In which ways?

**Jack**: Ana... Will...

**James**: in everything. -grunts-

**Will**: uh oh.. Jack might have died from autoerotic aphyxiation

oh... nevermind

sn: damn you irony

**Ana**: So Will... how was it for you?

**Will**: it was pretty damn good

**Elizabeth S.**: Indeed, James. You're so much better than Will. You should thank you hand for all the practice it's given you.

**Will**: amazing, even.

**James**: -hisses- I will.

**Will**: Um, did you guys hear something?

**Ana**: You should try it when we're kinky.

**Elizabeth S.**: -moans- Good.

**Ana**: I think so...

**Will**: it sounded like Elizabeth insulting me.

**Jack**: What the...

**Will**: that WASN'T kinky?!

**Ana**: -smirks-

**Will**: holy shit.

**Ana**: Just the beginning, Will.

**James**: -rolls elizabeth onto her back- Thankyou.

**Will**: -faints-

**James**: -censored-

**Ana**: Do you guys hear panting?

**Jack**: William. Wake up -smacks a few times-

**Elizabeth S.**: Anytime. -double censored-

**Will**: Ah yes Elizabeth! I'll do it now

oh. Hi

**Jack**: I'll check it out. You stay with him

**Ana**: Seriously. Woods. Panting.

**Will**: Ana I think I need a hug

**Ana**: -hugs-

**Will**: you really are beautiful, you know that

**Jack**: -finds James and Elizabeth- Aha!

**Ana**: A hug... or a "hug" ?

**Will**: sn: ?

**Jack**: What's going on here?

**Ana**: -melts in Will's arms-

sn: nvm.

**Will**: we're just hugging, Jack

**James**: E-liz-a-beth.

**Elizabeth S.**: Harder, James...

**Will**: sn: more spit

**Jack**: William, I meant them!

**Ana**: Will, you're soo... perfect.

**Will**: Oh!

**Ana**: Who?

**Jack**: the bush people that's who

**James**: -grunts-

**Will**: my wife is doing James fucking Norrington

**Ana**: "Fucking Norrington" being the key words there.

**James**: -whispers- They're not there. Ignore. Them.

**Will**: unfortunately, yes

**Jack**: -pulls James off Elizabeth-

**James**: oof.

**Elizabeth S.**: WTF? JACK!

**Will**: Ana, lets go over there

**James**: -pulls on breeches- You have no right, you bastards

**Ana**: -goes-

**James**: Do you know what you were just doing?

Or should I say WHO?

**Jack**: Well you were the ones who didn't want the raisins

**Elizabeth S.**: -covers herself- Dammit, Jack!

**Will**: Elizabeth?! How could you?

**Ana**: Jack!

**James**: Speak for yourself, Turner

**Elizabeth S.**: DON'T YOU DARE, WILL!

**Ana**: -covers Jack's eyes-

**Will**: if you'd just eaten the raisins we could've had mind-blowing sex!

but no.

**James**: She didn't want to.

**Elizabeth S.**: I HAD mind-blowing sex...just not with you.

**Will**: DAMMIT

**Elizabeth S.**: Thanks for standing up for me, HUSBAND!

**Will**: what the hell did I just do?!

-raisins wear off-

**Ana**: Me and Jack, I think.

**James**: Damn right you did.

**Will**: sn: that was gold

**Elizabeth S.**: James is the only one that ever cared. -starts crying-

**Jack**: I'm horny :D

**Will**: I care!

**James**: -comforts Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth S.**: Like Hell you do

**Ana**: Me too Jack.

**Jack**: Oh not this shit again

**Will**: I love you Elizabeth!

**Ana**: -sexywink-

**James**: You care so much that you went and fucked around with them?

**Jack**: -runs off with Ana-

**Ana**: -running with jack0

**Will**: I wanted a raisin trip, ok?

**Elizabeth S.**: That's bullshit, Will.

**James**: And you got it.

**Jack**: -censored-

**Ana**: -more censoredness-

**Will**: and it was awesome

**James**: You got the raisin trip. There you go.

**Elizabeth S.**: if you really loved me, you've stayed with me--or hell even listened to me!

**Jack**: ANAAAAAAA

**Ana**: JACK!

**Will**: but not as awesome as what I have with Elizabeth

**Ana**: -slaps-

**Jack**: Ow

**Ana**: -Jack

**Jack**: Again

**Will**: I should've listened! I'm sorry!

-grovels-

**Ana**: j-ack

**Jack**: -moans-

**Ana**: -SLAPS-

**Will**: Please, Elizabeth. Forgive me?

**Elizabeth S.**: God, I'm still naked too! Ugh!

**Ana**: -shudders-

**Elizabeth S.**: This is horrible.

**Ana**: -collapses-

**Jack**: -kisses Ana-

**James**: -pulls Elizabeth close- You're hidden.

**Will**: then put on some clothes!

**Ana**: -makesout-

**James**: Although he's kind of seen you already.

**Will**: get OFF, James

**Elizabeth S.**: I don't have them!

**Ana**: Jack, its always the best with you.

**James**: Here, have my jacket -hands over coat-

**Elizabeth S.**: Thankyou.

**Jack**: ;) I know

**Will**: I'd give you my shirt, but it's in shreds thanks to Jack

**Ana**: Er... me.

**James**: Great timing to say that, Turner.

**Elizabeth S.**: -glares at Will-

**Will**: or was it Ana? I can't remember it's all blur

**Ana**: I guess we should go back then.

**Jack**: Yeah, Ana did that

**Ana**: -goesback-

Sorry, Elizabeth.

**Elizabeth S.**: Bullshit.

**Ana**: But, you did do James.

**Jack**: -pulls pants up and goes back too-

**James**: She let me.

**Will**: I'll do anything, Elizabeth, for you

**Ana**: You wouldn't be taking this offense if you had just eaten the damn raisins.

**Will**: you slept with james, so now we are even

**Elizabeth S.**: Because my husband didn't want me and James did! he's the only one that cares.

**Ana**: Bullshit yourself, Elizabeth.

**Jack**: But that's just revenge sex darling

CATFIGHT!

**Will**: excellent!

**Elizabeth S.**: You DO NOT want to go there with me, Ana!

**Ana**: Oh... oh hold on! I JUST DID.

**Elizabeth S.**: I am NOT in the mood.

**Will**: Jack, this will be good :)

**Ana**: Bring it BLONDIE!

**Jack**: Yes

**Will**: -grabs popcorn-

**Ana**: You're a freaking STICK. I could snap you in half.

**Jack**: -pulls out popcorn and sits down-

**James**: You bastard, Turner!

I thought you cared.

**Will**: what?

**Elizabeth S.**: Bring it ON.

**Will**: it's a catfight!

**Ana**: -circles-

**James**: And you're letting her get into fisticuffs?

**Jack**: Dude; catfight. L.S.I

**Will**: huh?

**Elizabeth S.**: -grabs Ana's hair and pulls roughly-

**Ana**: wait, am i still naked?

**Elizabeth S.**: Damn you!

**Will**: sn: lolz

**Ana**: OWWW!

-slaps-

**James**: -watches-

**Elizabeth S.**: -punches her in the eye-

**James**: Um, do...

Er

**Jack**: Ana, get up. Come on!

**Will**: this is better than blacksmithing

**Ana**: -roundhouse kick-

HAH!

**Will**: sn: chuck norris!

**Elizabeth S.**: -blocks kick, and punches Ana in the chest-

**Ana**: OWW!

**Elizabeth S.**: Yeah, I HOPE those hurt later!

**Jack**: Shake it off Ana

**Ana**: -digs nails into chest-

**Elizabeth S.**: Ow! Motherfu-

**Will**: go Elizabeth! You can take her. Heh.

**Elizabeth S.**: STFU, Will!

**Ana**: Shut it!

-pulls hair-

**James**: Turner?

**Elizabeth S.**: Bitch!

**Will**: yes?

**James**: I don't think your wife likes you much at the moment.

**Ana**: Skank!

**Elizabeth S.**: SLUT!

**Will**: I got that, James

**Ana**: Whore!

**James**: sn: -spits-

And what are you going to do about that then, Turner

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: dammit, what are some other good words? lol

**Ana**: Wait, hold on a minute Elizabeth!

**Will**: sn: bitch?

**Ana**: Why the hell are we beating each other up?

**Elizabeth S.**: -huffs- What?

**Jack**: sn said it alreayd

**Will**: I'm going to set things right

**Elizabeth S.**: -stops and thinks- ...I don't know.

**Will**: sn: oh

**Elizabeth S.**: Why are we?

**Ana**: Were we set up?

**James**: And how will you do that, Turner.

**Ana**: I just remember the sudden flare of hormones and blind rage

**Will**: psh what is this, 20 questions?!

**Elizabeth S.**: -turns to glare at Will- I think we were, Ana.

**Ana**: -glares at Will and Jack-

Oh, so you guys think that was FUNNY?

**Jack**: -gulps-

Run?

**Will**: I don't

yeah we'd better

**Elizabeth S.**: -turns back to Ana- Can we hug, make up, and then kick the SHIT out of them?

**Ana**: Amen!

**Will**: -hightails it the fuck outta there-

**Ana**: -hugs Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth S.**: -hugs back- I'm sorry!

**Ana**: Me too!

**Jack**: -follows Will-

**Ana**: Men are jerks.

**James**: Hey Turner. You COWARD

-runs after them-

**Elizabeth S.**: Now, you take Jack, I'll take Will.

**Ana**: Let's go!

-runs after Jack-

**Will**: -draws sword-

**Elizabeth S.**: -rusn after the guys-

**James**: I'll help you two -still running-

**Ana**: No fucking fair!

Will can't have a sword!

**Jack**: -takes out pistol-

**Elizabeth S.**: James, take away Will's sword! He's cheating

**James**: Oh no you fucking don't -draws sword as well-

**Will**: what?!

**Ana**: Shit.

**James**: Okay!

**Jack**: -points at own head-

**Will**: haha!

**Jack**: I'll do it!

**Ana**: JACK!

**Will**: no Jack! WE LOVE YOU

**Ana**: JACK! DON'T!

**Jack**: I'm a pirate on the edge!

**James**: -knocks Will's sword out of hands and drops own sword-

**Ana**: -stops running -

**Elizabeth S.**: Jack, WTF?!

**James**: -tackles Will-

**Will**: ahhhhhhhh

**James**: -pins down and rasies fist-

**Ana**: -tackles Jack-

**Will**: -punches James-

**James**: YOU

**Jack**: No

**Ana**: -knocks pistol out of hands-

**James**: -gives will black eye-

UTTER

**Will**: fuck.

**Ana**: -slapping-

**James**: -punches will's jaw-

BLOOSY

**Ana**: Oh-no-you-don't!

**James**: er BLOODY

**Jack**: Yeah, harder Ana. Harder

**Will**: At least i wasn't...ow... demoted

**Elizabeth S.**: SN:L bloosy? lol

**James**: -slaps will- FUCKING

**Ana**: you-don't-kill-yourself-in-front-of-me

-SLAP-

**Will**: dammit

**James**: -punches shoulders- GODDAMNED

**Jack**: -rolls eyes- Ever hear of a distraction?

**Will**: -crawls away from james-

**Ana**: -groin kick-

**Elizabeth S.**: -stops and watching James and Will humerously-

**James**: -tackles-

**Will**: help, somebody!

**James**: -breaks Will's nose- BASTARD

**Jack**: Ooph

**Ana**: APOLOGIZE!

**Will**: he's trying to rape me!

owwwwwwwwwwwww

**Ana**: sn: HAHAHHA

**Elizabeth S.**: Good!

**Jack**: -clutches self-

**Will**: Elizabeth! -hurt-

**James**: YOU -punch- SAY -punch- SORRY -punch- TO -punch- ELIZABETH

**Ana**: Eff you, Jack.

**Will**: I'm sorry!!

**Ana**: -runs to Elizabeth0

**James**: -punch- OR -punch- I -punch- KILL -punch- YOU

**Will**: I've said I'm sorry

**Ana**: So... this is much better, don't you think?

**James**: YOU -punch- COWARD

**Jack**: -lays in bloody heap-

**Will**: I say it 100,000 times

James, STFU

**Elizabeth S.**: -to Ana- Are you being sarcastic?

**Will**: Elizabeth I love you

**James**: well you FORCED her

**Ana**: No way

**Will**: I always have

**James**: to do -punch- something she didnt want to DO

-punch- and then you GAVE UP?

**Will**: I'm not perfect, but I want to make this work

**Elizabeth S.**: -to Ana- Then...yes, this is much better. -wicked grin-

**James**: you should have stopped and said sorry -punch- THEN!

**Ana**: Jack, get over here or I'll be back for round two!

**Will**: owwwwwwwwwwie

Elizabeth! HE's killing me!

**James**: -final strong punch-

**Elizabeth S.**: Good.

**Will**: -coughs up blood-

**Jack**: -is not breathing-

**Will**: -faints-

**Ana**: Dammit.

**James**: -stands up-

**Elizabeth S.**: Ana...

**Ana**: -runs to Jack and recesitates-

-kiss of life-

**Elizabeth S.**: Apparently are men are pussies and can't take a good fight, or they've croaked.

**James**: -breathes heavily-

**Elizabeth S.**: our, not are-

**Will**: sn: lol

**Ana**: Yeah Elizabeth.

**James**: Apparently so, Elizabeth.

**Ana**: Jack, wake the hell up!

**Will**: -wakes up-

**Elizabeth S.**: So, is Jack dead? -is concerned-

**James**: -punch- OH NO YOU DONT

**Will**: Haiiii monkeys!

**Ana**: sn: HAHAHAHA

**James**: -stops-

**Ana**: sn: omg i can't breathe

**Will**: I want to eat some carrots.

**Ana**: Erm... Elizabeth?

**James**: -walks back to Elizabeth-

**Ana**: I might need some help with Jack here.

**Elizabeth S.**: What?

**James**: I think he's

**Elizabeth S.**: What's the matter with him?

**Ana**: Is not breathing a bad sign?

**James**: gone... a bit... odder

**Will**: I need some carrots! Now!!

**Elizabeth S.**: Uh...yeah. Just a bit.

**Will**: -faints again-

**Elizabeth S.**: Give him CPR!

**Ana**: Well you have the kiss of death ... maybe you'll have the kiss of life?

I tried that!

**James**: Did I overdo it?

**Elizabeth S.**: -scoffs- Do I have to?

**Ana**: Or james, I'm not picky.

**Will**: -wakes up- NO

**Elizabeth S.**: Fine, I'll try my kiss on Jack. Move over.

**Will**: ow, my head. Elizabeth don't !

**Ana**: -moves0

**Elizabeth S.**: -kisses Jack-

**Will**: don't rip out my heart again

**Elizabeth S.**: Ew.

**Will**: DAMMIT

**Ana**: Too late.

Jack?

**Elizabeth S.**: Is he alive? He BETTER be.

**Will**: where's Jack's pistol?

**James**: -waves pistol around- I got it.

**Ana**: Um, James, can you try?

**Will**: can I have it?

**Elizabeth S.**: Will, stop going emo on me. it doesn't help your case.

**James**: Try? Try what?

**Ana**: sn: HAHAHHA

**Will**: oh fine. -sulks-

**Ana**: Kiss of Life. For Jack.

**Elizabeth S.**: Try it, james! Pleaseeee.

**Will**: James, it might be you

**Ana**: Remember... Jack? Dead guy over there!

**James**: ...I. Okay.

-kneels over Jack-

**Elizabeth S.**: I love you, James. thankyou.

**James**: I'd just like to make note that -

**Elizabeth S.**: Do it!

**Ana**: I love you too, James.

**James**: O.o

**Will**: -crosses fingers-

**James**: -does kiss of life on Jack-

**Ana**: -to Elizabeth- He's such a good guy, isn't he?

**Will**: I'm good!

**Elizabeth S.**: -smiles at James- he is indeed.

**Will**: I'm noble and heroic too.

**Elizabeth S.**: But, not LOYAL.

**Ana**: On our side, and what have you.

**James**: Come on, Sparrow. -presses down on chest- -CPR-

**Ana**: Er... is Jack awake?

**Will**: Jack?

did it work?

**Jack**: -still deadish-

**Elizabeth S.**: Jack, wake up! Dammit!

**Ana**: Will.

**Will**: yeah?

**Ana**: You.

**James**: -breathes into jack's mouth- Come -breathes- on

**Elizabeth S.**: Try it.

**Will**: what?!

it can't be me

**Elizabeth S.**: NOW, man!

**Ana**: it's you.

**Will**: that's just... preposterous

**Elizabeth S.**: JUST DO IT.

**Will**: okay

**Elizabeth S.**: DO IT!!

**James**: You try, Turner.

**Will**: -gently kisses Jack-

please Jack.

wake up for me, for us

**James**: -walks over to Elizabeth-

**Jack**: -squints-

**Will**: Jack?

**Ana**: Jack!

**James**: Sparrow?

**Elizabeth S.**: God, jack!

**Jack**: Ana?

**Will**: you're alive!

**Ana**: Jack!

**James**: Indeed.

**Ana**: I'm so sorry!

Actually, I'm not, but whatever.

I'm glad you're alive.

**Will**: howthefuckwasitmethatdidit

**Jack**: Just stay away from me. :(

**Ana**: Aww Jack!

Come on.

**Will**: what's got you talking like that?

**Ana**: I didn't cheat on you!

**Jack**: I ALMOST DIED!!

**Ana**: And I found the person to bring you back to life!

**Will**: but I brought you back

**Elizabeth S.**: no shit.

**Jack**: I saw the white light

**Will**: thank you so much Elizabeth

**Elizabeth S.**: huh?

**Ana**: White light! White Light

**Will**: well I'm glad you stayed with us

**Jack**: -sighs- I just need some time to myself

**Ana**: Jack, since you almost died...

I guess you can have whatever you want.

**Jack**: Rum

**Ana**: ... okay.

**Will**: here

**Ana**: Really Jack, that was a golden opportunity.

**Will**: -gives spare rum bottle-

**Ana**: And you wasted in on rum?

This is my LIFE.

I'm always second to rum and the sea and the Pearl and all that.

**Jack**: -drinks and points to Ana- Separate beds tonight too

**James**: Burn,

big time.

**Ana**: I'm SORRY.

How can I make this up to you?

**Elizabeth S.**: What the fuck is even going on between you two?

**Ana**: Please help me guys!

**Elizabeth S.**: Ana, what did you do exactly?

**Ana**: I slapped him around a bit!

**Will**: Jack?! What the hell is wrong with you?

You LOVE Ana

**Ana**: ... and one groin kick/

**Jack**: And she about killed me

You know how I feel about that

**Elizabeth S.**: Get over yourself, Jack.

**Ana**: James about killed Will!

**Elizabeth S.**: Please.

**Ana**: And Will's not mad at Elizabeth!

**James**: I was told to.

**Will**: yeah and I've forgiven him

as long as he gives me hot sex later

**James**: ...

**Will**: kidding!

**Elizabeth S.**: Will has NO RIGHT to be mad at me.

**Ana**: er.

**Elizabeth S.**: he deserved it.

**James**: -rolls eyes-

**Will**: I did.

**Ana**: please Jack?

**Jack**: oh here we go again

**Ana**: what? what's the matter?

**Will**: I said I was sorry 100,000,000 times

**James**: actually it was three

**Jack**: i meant them too. not us love

**Will**: grrrr

**Elizabeth S.**: And, yet, you prove to me over and over again how that amounts to nothing.

**Ana**: ... you love me?

**Jack**: ...yeah

**Will**: Elizabeth, what do I have to do to get you to forgive me?

**Ana**: I love you too. I'm so sorry.

**Elizabeth S.**: I really don't know. I can't trust you.

**Will**: I can't trust you either. But we can work on that

**Jack**: Honesty, those two need a shag and soon

**Ana**: Agreed.

**Will**: Elizabeth, I've missed you so

-steps closer to Elizabeth-

**Elizabeth S.**: Well, that's your own damn fault.

-steps back-

**Will**: -low voice- You know you want me

just forget about all this

it will be just you and me, like always

**Jack**: ooo, he's using his sexy voice

**Elizabeth S.**: -glares- I can't just "forget" about everything every time you do something you regret.

**Will**: can you just put it out of your mind? -hopeful-

**Elizabeth S.**: -scoffs- Why should I? Give me one GOOD reason.

Maybe I'll consider it.

**James**: I don't think life works that way, Turner.

**Will**: our kids

**Elizabeth S.**: Our kids will be fine whether we're having sex or not.

**Ana**: He's got you there.

**Will**: our marriage

**Ana**: Will's sanity?

**Elizabeth S.**: You doomed that one on your own.

**Will**: indeed

**Elizabeth S.**: That one, too.

**Ana**: Your sanity?

**Will**: but I love you!

**Elizabeth S.**: My sanity was forfeit long ago.

**Will**: without you, I'm nothing.

sn: nice

**Elizabeth S.**: Right.

**James**: Oh how terribly cliche, Turner.

**Will**: you'll be incomplete too

**Ana**: So what else do you have?

**Will**: even if you don't admit it

**Elizabeth S.**: You weren't thinking that when you were shagging Ana, were you? -glares-

**Ana**: You guys have a pretty empty relationship right now.

**Will**: I was under the influence of raisins!

**James**: By your own choice.

**Jack**: Well everyone including the blind and mute know that Will loves Elizabeth. How often does she say it back to him?

**Will**: Next time, I'll just say no to raisins

**Elizabeth S.**: Uhhuh. Yeah. The raisins I TOLD you not to eat!

**Will**: My bad!

**Ana**: ... Burned by Jack.

**Will**: -cries softly-

**Elizabeth S.**: Um, excuse me Jack, but I told him I loved him earlier. HE didn't return that love.

**James**: Here's comes the guilt trip...

**Ana**: Awww Will!

**Will**: Jack, what am I going to do?

I did so!

**Ana**: -comforts Will-

**Will**: no, I cannot accept your comfort

**Elizabeth S.**: But, you didn't tell me in exact words that you loved me.

**Will**: that's how I got in trouble in the first place

**Ana**: But you can accept my SEX?

What the hell.

**Jack**: Sorry mate, you're on your own. You'll figure it out

**Will**: I said I should've told you every day from the moment i met you, I love you!

**Ana**: You know what? Screw it. I ship Norribeth.

**Will**: what?!

**James**: sn: O.o

**Will**: Ana, I care about you

**Jack**: I'm on your side Will

**Ana**: Yeah sure.

**Will**: I am just trying to repair my relationship with Elizabeth

**Ana**: When we're under the influence of raisins.

**Will**: and so it would be best if I kept my distance

**Ana**: ... FINE.

I'll ship Willabeth.

**Jack**: Yeah, this seems to come up a lot this relationship repair

**Will**: thank you

can you please talk to her?

**Ana**: sure.fine.whatever.

**Elizabeth S.**: Well, if Will wasn't such a manwhore...

**Will**: sn: yayayay

**Ana**: Elizabeth, listen.

Will isn't a manwhore.

It wasn't his fault.

**Elizabeth S.**: YES, he is.

**Ana**: It was... mine and Jack's.

What do you expect from us?

**James**: -watches scene with bemused interest-

**Elizabeth S.**: mmmmhm.

**Jack**: I'md the manwhore

**Ana**: We are like rabbits.

**Elizabeth S.**: Will still went along with it. That's HIS fault.

**Will**: -nods-

**Ana**: And we induced Will to join us.

He was drunkish.

Worse than drunk.

**Elizabeth S.**: HIS fault.

**Ana**: totally not competent.

**Will**: what?

**Ana**: I'm talking no machines/motor vehicles incompetent!

I mean...

unconsiousce.

Whatever. It doesn't matter.

**Will**: I hate my life.

**Ana**: Okay?

**Elizabeth S.**: You should.

**Jack**: Quaaludes!

that's what they're like

**Ana**: sn: wth?? :)

**Elizabeth S.**: ughhh. Ana, do you know any men that WILL NOT leave me? We need to find ourselves some.

**Will**: I ache for Elizabeth

**Ana**: Erm, Will won't leave you.

**James**: I wouldn't leave you.

**Ana**: When he is fully sane.

**Will**: right

**Jack**: You stay out of the Scruffy ghost

**Elizabeth S.**: Here, let me rephrase--

**Ana**: James'll leave you for Gillete.

**James**: Andrew is dead.

**Will**: yep

**Elizabeth S.**: Do you know any men that will not be affected in the slightest by raisins?

**Ana**: No.

It's impossible.

**James**: I don't even like raisins any more.

**Will**: guess you aren't a man then

**Elizabeth S.**: Aren't there men out there that aren't exactly human? I've always wondered that...

**Ana**: Like... aliens?

**Will**: sn: :)

**James**: sn: dont you bring edward into this!! ;)

sn: jk. jk.

**Ana**: Speaking of which... ;)

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: dammit!!

**Will**: You'd pick EDWARD over me?

**Elizabeth S.**: Do you know any vampires, Ana? ;)

**Ana**: Or immortally sexy vampires who break headboards?

You know, I do.

**Elizabeth S.**: YES!!

And pillows!

**Will**: O.o

**Ana**: And they NEVER get tired.

**Jack**: Vampires are cool. An old childhood friend of mine is one

**Elizabeth S.**: nope...they don't.

**James**: Elizabeth. I want to ask you something before you launch into this

**Elizabeth S.**: They break houses, too, right?

;)

**Jack**: Though I had to sneak out to visit him

Before he turned

**Ana**: If they're really excitedd :)

**Elizabeth S.**: What, James?

**Will**: I can't take this anymore

**James**: ...did you mean it?

**Will**: -runs to the ocean and tries to drown self-

**Elizabeth S.**: Ana, let's go find us some vampires!

**James**: Or was it just in a buddy buddy way.

**Elizabeth S.**: Wait--what, James?

mean what?

**Will**: -coughs up water-

**Jack**: -continues babbling to self-

**James**: You said, before I tried to revive Jack.

**Ana**: I guess I'm going to go rescue Will then.

C'mon Jack.

-runs to Will-

**Elizabeth S.**: Spit it out, James.

**Ana**: Er, Will?

**James**: or was it just like when you 'accepted' my proposal?

**Will**: -goes still-

**Ana**: JACK!

**Jack**: What

I'm coming

**Ana**: Will!

Give him the kiss of life Jack!

**Elizabeth S.**: You mean, do I love you, James?

**James**: Yes.

**Elizabeth S.**: Yes, I do...

**James**: but?

**Jack**: I...can't do it. Maybe Lizzie's the one

**Ana**: -chest compressions- 1,2,3..

can you get her over here?

**Elizabeth S.**: but, I still love Will, too...I have NO IDEA why, though.

**Jack**: Lizzie! Lizzie!

**Elizabeth S.**: WTF do you want, Jack?

**Jack**: Will's drownded

**James**: I... go help Jack.

**Elizabeth S.**: -rollseyes-

**Will**: -deadish-

**Elizabeth S.**: What do you want me to do?

**James**: You love Will, go and revive him.

**Ana**: Kiss of F-CKING Life!

**Elizabeth S.**: -screams- Ugh! I hate this!

**James**: What?

You love Will, don't you?

**Will**: -unresponsive-

**Elizabeth S.**: Not like I used to, but I do a bit still..

**James**: So who do you love more.

**Ana**: James, can you two do this later?

**Elizabeth S.**: What do you want me to do, Ana?

**Ana**: kiss him!

**Elizabeth S.**: Ugh. Fine.

**Will**: sn: i'm really tired lol

**Elizabeth S.**: -slowly kisses Will-

**Ana**: sn: me too lol

**Will**: -stirs-

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: me too lol

**James**: sn: wah ten minutes?

sn: pwease.

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: I can do that

**Will**: sn: fine

**Jack**: sn enough time for them to kiss and make up

**James**: sn: yay

**Ana**: I think he's waking up!

**Will**: Elizabeth! You saved me!

-stares adoringly-

**Elizabeth S.**: Lovely.

**James**: -sigh-

**Will**: This means you still care for me!

**Jack**: Come on Elizabeth, you know you're happy he's alive

**Elizabeth S.**: -heaves a long sigh- Maybe a bit...

**Will**: that's better than nothing

**Elizabeth S.**: Don't expect anything, though, Will. At least not now.

**Will**: Elizabeth, I've gained a new perspective in life

from now on, you come first

sn: haaaaaa

**James**: sn: dont forget, women dont come.

**Ana**: sn: dirty mind.

**James**: sn: only males do. :PPPPPP

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: they can, actually...

**Will**: sn: what!?

**Elizabeth S.**: HA

**James**: sn: oh well, yeah, but i mean... eh keep RPing.

**Will**: sn: egotistical male

**Elizabeth S.**: SN: hahah

**Ana**: sn: nice.

**Will**: Elizabeth, I'm fine with not doing anything for awhile

as long as I get you back, that's all that matters

**Ana**: Beep beep beep beep!

**Elizabeth S.**: Good. I need some time to think things through.

**James**: Oh. Great.

**Ana**: Oh sorry, that's my lie detector.

**Jack**: You still have that?

**Will**: thanks, Ana

**Elizabeth S.**: Who's lying?

**Ana**: Comes in handy, it does.

Will.

Will has left.

**Elizabeth S.**: I figured.

Will has joined.

**Will**: oops

**Ana**: Scared of the truth, Will?

**Elizabeth S.**: Will, this lying isn't getting you anywhere...

**Ana**: Well, I gotta tell you, the truth is out there.

**Will**: I'm not bloody lying!

sn: hahaha

**Ana**: BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Ohh there it goes again!

**Elizabeth S.**: That's her lie detecter.

**Jack**: Ha!

**Will**: it's faulty

**Elizabeth S.**: Right.

**Ana**: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

**Will**: those things never hold up in a court case

**James**: Oh. Oh great. So you're just going to end up with Will again, huh Elizabeth?

**Will**: anyway, forget her

Elizabeth I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO KEEP OUR MARRIAGE ALIVE!

**Ana**: Yeah, go on with what you were saying, Will.

**Will**: Okay?!

we belong together

**Jack**: Beep

**Ana**: What was that about the abstinence again?

**Elizabeth S.**: You know, I'd REALLY like to meet this vampire that you know, Ana. He sounds sexy.

**Ana**: Oh he is.

Jack, you brought yours too!

**Will**: dammit

Elizabeth, if I agree to a vampire threesome THEN will you take me back?

**Elizabeth S.**: What was his name again?

**Jack**: Don't worry William, I know where we can find some sexy vampires ourselves

**Ana**: Ed...

Edw...

Edwa...

**Jack**: I'll have my mate Carlisle find some

**Ana**: Edward!

**Elizabeth S.**: He even SOUNDS sexy!

Let's go!

**Will**: I give up.

**James**: Oh for goodness sake, Elizabeth. What am I, then. Just some kind of sex substitute whenever you have a fight with someone only to have my hopes crushed again afterwards?

**Ana**: BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

**Will**: haa

**James**: That. That's just awesome.

**Ana**: Oh wait.

**James**: And to think I thought you were serious.

**Ana**: ANTI-BEEEP FOR TRUTH FROM JAMES.

**Elizabeth S.**: James, you can have a threesome with me and Edward!

**Will**: What the fuck?!

**Ana**: Ahem, FOURSOME.

**Elizabeth S.**: Sorry, FOURSOME.

Ana's coming, too.

**Will**: Jack, help me.

**Ana**: FIVESOME

Jack wants some

**Will**: sixsome

THERE!

**Ana**: BEEEEEEEEP.

pesky little thing...

**James**: I'm not going, not if I'm just a substitute for Will.

**Elizabeth S.**: Ana, does Edward have any sexy vampire buddies that want in?

**Jack**: But I want William there -pouts-'

**Will**: damn straight

**Ana**: Emmett is hot...

And oh!

There's werewolves too.

**Will**: i suppose they are sexy too

**Elizabeth S.**: Hey, I know the werewolves! Er, shapeshifters.

Let's call Jack and Embry!

Er, Jake.

**Ana**: And Leah.

She'll be in.

**Will**: SETH!

**Elizabeth S.**: Seth, too? Or is he too young?

**Jack**: This is going to be an all around fuck off isn't it

**Will**: Seth is the man

**James**: Count me out.

**Will**: don't be a coward, James.

**Elizabeth S.**: James, you're not a sub; I WANT you there.

**Jack**: Afraid to get swallowed again? Like that time with the Kraken?

**James**: You

I

Okay. Fine. Count me in then.

**Will**: fucked?

**Elizabeth S.**: YAY!

**Will**: now it's really a party!

**Jack**: sn i think that's enough

**Ana**: AND CUT!


	19. 1st Nov 08

**William Turner**: Um Jack, where are we? -looks around-

**Jack Sparrow**: Hmm, not sure. Never been here before

**William Turner**: what about you, Norrie? You been here w/Gillette?

**James Norrington**: That is none of your business, Turner.

**William Turner**: ooooh! he HAS!

**Jack Sparrow**: Alright :D

**James Norrington**: -twitch-

**William Turner**: excellent

so did you guys bang?

**James Norrington**: -changes subject- It rains here a lot.

**Jack Sparrow**: Really?

**William Turner**: Jack I think he is hiding something! -looks at Norrie's crotch-

**Jack Sparrow**: Find anything interesting William?

**James Norrington**: I doubt that he has.

**William Turner**: Jack! I haven't pulled his pants down or anything

**James Norrington**: -crosses legs just in case-

**William Turner**: Yet.

hehehe!!

**James Norrington**: -points- I believe there are coconuts on those trees.

**William Turner**: hey guys, I had two bottles of rum earlier which means I'm drunk.

**Jack Sparrow**: Good for you

**William Turner**: I'm just telling you this so you won't take advantage of my present state

**James Norrington**: Wouldn't dream of it.

**William Turner**: -please take advantage-

**Jack Sparrow**: Well, you heard him James. Go ahead

**James Norrington**: -crosses legs tighter-

**William Turner**: lalala!

**James Norrington**: No, thank you.

**William Turner**: I love rum. It is soooooo good.

**Jack Sparrow**: Come on. You know you want to

**William Turner**: -licks lips-

I probably still taste like rum

**James Norrington**: -twitch- I'll be fine

**William Turner**: he twitched, Jack. Literally!

**James Norrington**: I'll just sit here and wait to be rescued.

**Jack Sparrow**: You're not going to, like, twitch yourself to death are you?

**William Turner**: no he'll use his hand before it comes to that

**Jack Sparrow**: It's not my fault the boat sank

-looks at Will-

**William Turner**: it wasn't me! I swear

**Jack Sparrow**: You were at the wheel

**William Turner**: I just like banging holes in things!

**James Norrington**: -crosses legs even tighter-

**William Turner**: like the sides of the boat

and the bottom

**James Norrington**: Please shut up, Turner.

**William Turner**: hehe you would like that, wouldn't you?

**Jack Sparrow**: Is it just me or is he getting red faced

**James Norrington**: Never.

**William Turner**: funny it's usually Jack who has to be told to shut up

you know, i'm kinda getting tired

I'm gonna lie down in the sand and -snork-

**Jack Sparrow**: Psh, wuss

**James Norrington**: -watches Will- Indeed.

**William Turner**: -little sigh-

**James Norrington**: So what happened to Elizabeth, Sparrow?

**William Turner**: -mmm James-

-mmm Jack-

**Jack Sparrow**: -shrug- Got lost?

**James Norrington**: What a surprise.

**Jack Sparrow**: I think we forgot her in Tortuga

**James Norrington**: -kicks Will-

**William Turner**: wha?!

**James Norrington**: -shouts- You forgot your own wife?!

**William Turner**: wait... I'm MARRIED?!

**Jack Sparrow**: Wait, what?

**James Norrington**: I don't know anymore.

**William Turner**: shit.

**James Norrington**: Am I... what year is it?

**William Turner**: why do I not remember this?

17 something?

**Jack Sparrow**: Because you were drunk the whole time in Tortuga

**William Turner**: I don't drink.

**Jack Sparrow**: I on the other hand barely had a buzz

**James Norrington**: Already I've forgotten. how in Christ's name did we get here?

**William Turner**: didn't Jack commandeer Ana's boat?

**Jack Sparrow**: Really, again?

Man she has really shitty boats

**William Turner**: they smell like shit too

**Jack Sparrow**: Don't tell her I said that

**James Norrington**: How did -I- get here?

**William Turner**: i swear gillette is involved in this somehow

**Jack Sparrow**: I think you were in Totuga at the time

Or we found you here

**James Norrington**: Oh, no.

I am hung over.

**William Turner**: guys did you know that gillette tried to proposition me once?

**James Norrington**: A-Andrew...

**Jack Sparrow**: do tell...

**William Turner**: O.o

**James Norrington**: Andrew perished.

**William Turner**: I said no. He didn't like that so I had to fight him off

he did? Awesome. I never liked that fucker anyway

**James Norrington**: We-we, we were, the crew, it

-growls- Say that again, Turner.

I daer you.

**Jack Sparrow**: Ratfaced Twerp

**James Norrington**: I DARE you in fact.

-turns to Jack- I'm sorry?

**Jack Sparrow**: -points to Will- He said it

**William Turner**: I didn't say anything

-innocent-

**James Norrington**: -growls-

**William Turner**: how can you resist this face?

**James Norrington**: -punches Will in the nose-

That's how.

**William Turner**: owwww!

Jack!! Save me -whimpers-

**James Norrington**: Never insult Andrew Gillette in front of me.

**Jack Sparrow**: -kicks James in the crotch-

**James Norrington**: He's dead for chrissake

OW

**William Turner**: thank you!

oh... i'm sorry then

**James Norrington**: -grunts and falls over-

**Jack Sparrow**: Run!

**James Norrington**: son of a

**William Turner**: running!!

so are we running away together?

**Jack Sparrow**: Run from the man trying to kill us maybe

**James Norrington**: -groan-

**William Turner**: right... of course

uh oh Jack... he sounds really hurt

maybe we should go back and help him

**Jack Sparrow**: you stay -runs off-

**William Turner**: on the other hand, he could just be in heat and making noise

**James Norrington**: -is sniffling-

**William Turner**: -is torn-

**James Norrington**: Andrew's.... dead -cry-

**William Turner**: damn you conscience!!

-runs back-

James, are you ok? I didn't mean to make you cry

**James Norrington**: it wasn't -sniff- you

**William Turner**: it wasn't?

**James Norrington**: no -sniff-

he's -sniff- dead

-runs into water-

**William Turner**: you said that already

i mean... that's really awful

**James Norrington**: -jumps into waves-

**William Turner**: Jack, we can't let him down himself!

**Jack Sparrow**: -walks back- What's he doing now?

**James Norrington**: -goes under water-

**William Turner**: I mean DROWN himself

**James Norrington**: -blacks out-

**William Turner**: we must save him!

**Jack Sparrow**: You and your saving people thing

**William Turner**: -swims fast-

I've got you, James!

**James Norrington**: -unconscious-

**William Turner**: Dude you have got to lose some weight!

-brings James ashore-

Jack! DO SOMETHING!

he's not waking up

**Jack Sparrow**: What can we do?

**William Turner**: i dunno... you're the crazy one remember?

what have you done in the past when this has happened before?

oh James, please don't die on me!

**Jack Sparrow**: I could trache him -grabs knife-

**William Turner**: if you think that would help -suspicious-

**Jack Sparrow**: Hold him down then -aims knife-

**William Turner**: with pleasure

-holds down Norrie-

**Jack Sparrow**: Ok now I'm going to take this knife and stick it into your neck. Hopefully he can breathe after that

**James Norrington**: -stirs-

**William Turner**: James!!

**Jack Sparrow**: I knew that would get him up

**William Turner**: Jack, you did it

-hugeth-

**James Norrington**: -blinks groggily-

-squint- Andrew?

**William Turner**: no, it's William

**Jack Sparrow**: The dead one?

You see his ghost?

**William Turner**: Jack! You are so insensitive

**James Norrington**: William... Jack? Sparrow?

-groan- -rolls onto stomach- Just leave me to die.

**William Turner**: I'm here for you, James -pats shoulder-

**James Norrington**: -winces-

**William Turner**: but stop being so dramatic!

**James Norrington**: -buries face into sand- But Andrew's dead.

**William Turner**: but Jack and I are alive

aren't we just as good as Andrew?

we're your friends too you know

**James Norrington**: -groan- Was that meant to make me feel better?

**William Turner**: yes... did it not?

**James Norrington**: -muffled reply-

**William Turner**: -eyeroll-

**Jack Sparrow**: We can't hear you

**William Turner**: you and Andrew must've been really close then

**James Norrington**: -dry laugh- and that concerns you how

**William Turner**: i was just trying to figure out why you were so upset

**James Norrington**: -muffled- It's Elizabeth all over again.

**William Turner**: i mean i know you were his superior and all but I didn't realize navy men were so chummy

GREAT.

**James Norrington**: -looks up- Chummy?

CHUMMY?

**William Turner**: you weren't chums then?

**James Norrington**: HA!

**William Turner**: Jack... I don't get him.

**James Norrington**: we were lovers, but what does that matter to you? laugh already.

**Jack Sparrow**: Lovers?

**William Turner**: you... you were?

**Jack Sparrow**: -eyebrow raise-

**William Turner**: I always suspected that

**James Norrington**: Are you going to laugh now, or not?

**William Turner**: but I never knew for sure until now

laugh? why would we do that?

**James Norrington**: must I answer?

**William Turner**: your loverman just died! It's a sad time for you

**James Norrington**: No kidding.

**William Turner**: is there anything we can do to make it better?

just say the word and we will do it

right Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: Yeah

We're there for you

**James Norrington**: -groan-

Throw me back into the sea.

**William Turner**: anything for our pal Norrie

anythig but that

**James Norrington**: Just leave me here, then

**William Turner**: James there is still reason to live!

**James Norrington**: go on. Stand up, piss off, walk hand in hand into the sunset.

**William Turner**: 1. Me 2. Jack 3. The Navy

**James Norrington**: The Navy?

**William Turner**: well yeah

**Jack Sparrow**: In the Navy

**William Turner**: something sail the seven seas!

**James Norrington**: -snort- The Navy will more likely throw me out by now.

**William Turner**: awww that's dumb

**Jack Sparrow**: What about Groves; he's still around I think?

**James Norrington**: Groves?

**William Turner**: yeah why can't you and he...

**James Norrington**: Don't say it.

**William Turner**: comfort each other?

**James Norrington**: In case it wasnt obvious,

Teddy and Andrew never got along.

**William Turner**: so?

**James Norrington**: I can't turn to him now.

**William Turner**: shouldn't he be more concerned about you?

**James Norrington**: -groan- I'm just going to sleep and you can go fuck around with Sparrow or Elizabeth or something.

**William Turner**: huh?

when have I fucked around with Sparrow?

are you implying that I am, in fact, a slut?

**Jack Sparrow**: Man, you're really messed up Norrie

**James Norrington**: Maybe I am. Kill me for it?

**William Turner**: NO!!

James, you are too valuable to die!

**James Norrington**: -sarcastic- For sure.

**William Turner**: no, really!

Tell him, Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: Stop trying to die James

**James Norrington**: Fine.

**William Turner**: see, he loves you too

**James Norrington**: what do I do to get my mind off it, then.

**William Turner**: I mean... uh... he wants you to live

anything you want

we are yours to command

**James Norrington**: Oh, please

**William Turner**: what? what did I say?

**James Norrington**: You do whatever the hell you want. Just make me forget about it.

**William Turner**: I know how much you like giving orders

**James Norrington**: -groan-

**William Turner**: Jack... you are well versed in the art of forgetting. What do you suggest?

**Jack Sparrow**: Drunkeness?

**James Norrington**: -muffed- dimensions for -muffled-

**Jack Sparrow**: Always works for me

And look how I turned out :D

**James Norrington**: No alcohol.

**William Turner**: yeah it might give him another hangover

goddammit do I always have to be the one to suggest it?

**Jack Sparrow**: I thought you were the drunk one?

**James Norrington**: Suggest what

**William Turner**: I am! But he has a hangover

well ah... YOU KNOW -blush-

**James Norrington**: that you get buggered into another dimension for a few hours?

**William Turner**: you put it so eloquently

well, I'm game

Jack?

**Jack Sparrow**: umm, I'm not really in that sort of mood tonight. You two go at it though, go on

I don't mind

**William Turner**: uh oh Jack are you still alive?

when have you ever turned down a good lay?

**Jack Sparrow**: Not in the mood William

**William Turner**: oooookay.

**Jack Sparrow**: I'll watch though

**William Turner**: ah so you want to be the voyeur tonight

gotcha.

**James Norrington**: stop talking.

**William Turner**: yes SIR!

can I sing?

**James Norrington**: -aghast- What?

**William Turner**: you said i couldn't talk

I thought you might want a serenade

**James Norrington**: God in heaven, no.

**William Turner**: oh

what did you want?

**James Norrington**: Did you want buggery or not?

**William Turner**: hell yeah!

**James Norrington**: Agreed. -pins down Will-

**William Turner**: eek! help me! -shivers-

oh right you said no talk-uh! ing

**Jack Sparrow**: Hey, you asked for it

**James Norrington**: -pulls Will's shirt off-

**William Turner**: Jack I wasn't being serioUS!

-yanks off Norrie's shirt AND pants-

**Jack Sparrow**: Woo

**James Norrington**: -muffled moan-

**William Turner**: -muffled groan- GROAN! Groaning. Loudly. Yes.

you gonna take my pants off?

**James Norrington**: -does so-

**William Turner**: much better

so how do we want to do this?

Jack what do you think?

**Jack Sparrow**: Hmm

**James Norrington**: like -this-

**Jack Sparrow**: 0.o

**William Turner**: O.o

unghhhhhhhhhh

this is good!

**James Norrington**: and -this-

**William Turner**: ahhh! Jack, help!

**James Norrington**: I believe I've -uh- had practice

**Jack Sparrow**: Go easy on him James

**William Turner**: noooo don't.

**Jack Sparrow**: He's not used to it like you

**William Turner**: I -pant- like it rough

reminds me of Jack

**James Norrington**: -groan-

**William Turner**: come on ride the train... jump on it!

i mean UH

**James Norrington**: no talking, Will.

**William Turner**: JAMESssssssssss

mmmmmph! -whimper-

**James Norrington**: -stops- No coming either.

**William Turner**: ????

grrrrrr

**James Norrington**: -smirk-

**William Turner**: but Jamie, why not?

**Jack Sparrow**: Hey, I think i see a boat

**James Norrington**: You do?

**William Turner**: i don't care

we have to finish this!

**James Norrington**: -smirk-

finish it, then.

**Jack Sparrow**: Fine, I'll be rescued and you two can just stay here then

**William Turner**: be my guest

**Jack Sparrow**: -leaves-

**William Turner**: you suck, Jack!

**James Norrington**: So do I.

-censored-

**William Turner**: uhhhhhhhhhhh

-explodes-

**James Norrington**: -smirk-

**William Turner**: -double censored-

**James Norrington**: how I love being - uh- smug

**William Turner**: psh I'm the smug one

**James Norrington**: You won't be.

-triple censored-

**William Turner**: why no AHhhh t?

**James Norrington**: -this-

is why

**William Turner**: O.o

is that a banana?

**James Norrington**: sn: ROFL

**William Turner**: sn: SMUG

**James Norrington**: No, it isn't

**William Turner**: wow.

**James Norrington**: does -this- feel like a banana?

**William Turner**: no -faints-

**James Norrington**: -stops-

-rolls off will-

Well that's not very fair, is it Turner?

**William Turner**: ...

**James Norrington**: Forget it, then.

**William Turner**: -wakes up-

what happened?

**James Norrington**: -pulls on breeches- Didn't really work anyway.

**William Turner**: and why are we naked?!?!

**James Norrington**: You fainted.

**William Turner**: why?

**James Norrington**: correction. You're naked, but I have breeches.

**William Turner**: O.o

rape!

**James Norrington**: You fainted out of ecstasy, I believe.

**William Turner**: sn: j/k

**James Norrington**: sn: lol rape

**William Turner**: oh did I? I don't remember

it must've been that good -dreamy smile-

**James Norrington**: -drawl- One can only hope.

**William Turner**: isn't that Jack's line

**James Norrington**: -pulls shirt on- It may well be.

-walks off into trees-

**William Turner**: wait for me!

**James Norrington**: Sparrow left on a ship, erstwhile you and I told him to leave without us

**William Turner**: Jack, where are you?

I never would've said that!

**James Norrington**: Believe me, you did.

**William Turner**: what kind of a dumbass would ignore a chance to be rescued?

**James Norrington**: Now put on some breeches. We need food.

**William Turner**: fine. -grumble-


	20. 3rd Jan 09

**Jack**: Oh Ana ;D

**Will**: oh barf.

**Ana**: Jack :--

**Jack**: -making out-

**James**: -wince-

**Will**: Elizabeth make them stop!

**Ana**: I love you so much!

-panting-

**Will**: gah!

**Jack**: -taking off clothes-

**Will**: -covers eyes-

i mean -covers eyes-

**Ana**: We should be left alone here in the attic...!

-stripping-

**Will**: I'm walking away.. I can't see where I'm go - ouch!

**Jack**: Where did you lot come from anyway?

**Elizabeth S.**: Oh shit. Was that the door clos\ing, and -gasp- locking us in?

**Ana**: Wha--?

**Elizabeth S.**: Oh, my.

**Will**: Elizabeth, my head hurts -whines-

**Ana**: -puts clothes back on -

**James**: Oh dear.

**Will**: wait, did you say someone locked us in?!

**Jack**: damn it! -re dresses-

**Elizabeth S.**: Apparently.

**Will**: who would have the nerve?

**Ana**: Jack, what the hell? -hides behind jack-

**Jack**: -pulls on door knob-

**James**: -groan-

**Jack**: a little help here

**Elizabeth S.**: -shifty-

**Will**: Jack, you aren't having trouble dressing, are you?

**Elizabeth S.**: Why, Will, I have no idea.

**Will**: wait, whose house is this, anyway?

**Jack**: yours stupid

**Ana**: -snort-

**Jack**: how hard did you hit your head?

**Will**: oh. I have a house?! YAY!

Elizabeth, I have a house!

**Ana**: he better have hit it hard enough to have no recollection of what he just walked in on...

**James**: -rolls eyes-

**Elizabeth S.**: I know, dickshit. I'm the one that lives with you.

**Jack**: i hear you loud and clear ana

**Will**: why, what did I miss?

**James**: So I'm stuck in here with you four.

**Ana**: -high pitch- nothing.

**Will**: oh... of course dear.

**Jack**: hey, no one but james is allowed to call will a dickshit

**James**: Thankyou, Sparrow.

**Will**: that's right! really?

**Jack**: that's not very nice

**Elizabeth S.**: I'm his wife--I can call him whatever I want, Jack. :P

**Jack**: :P

**Will**: oh yeah, Lizzy.

Just don't call me anything embarrassing while I'm here with the guys

that includes Ana

**Ana**: What?

How rude.

**James**: How amusing.

**Will**: um. I mean ... Elizabeth help!

**Elizabeth S.**: With what?

I can only do so much, Will.

**Will**: don't let Ana hurt me!

I like my cheeks

**Ana**: -menacing-

**Elizabeth S.**: You called her a man--she can do whatever she wants to you.

**Jack**: which cheeks?

**Will**: JACK.

It was an accident!

I'm sorry Ana.

**Jack**: Freudian slip?

**James**: It can't have hurt that much.

**Will**: what's Freud?

**Ana**: Maybe I'm not feminine enought for YOU, but Jack sees me as the grown woman I am, don't you Jack?

**Will**: yeah, james has had much worse

**Jack**: of course Ana

-makes quiet whip sound-

**James**: We all heard that.

**Will**: -snicker-

**Ana**: Who was that directed to?!

**Jack**: how's your love life these days James?

no one

**James**: What love life?

**Will**: yes, are you getting any?

**Jack**: -silently points to self-

**Will**: that's too bad, mate

Elizabeth and I well, lets just say I have no complaints ;)

**Jack**: stop stealing my words turner

**James**: Well

there was this guy...

**Will**: I only steal from the best

**Elizabeth S.**: Yeah, guess what, guys?

**Ana**: What, Elizabeth?

**Will**: what?

**Jack**: What?

**Elizabeth S.**: Will has actually gotten me off all by himself now. He's very proud.

**Ana**: And what guy, James?

**Jack**: Do tell

**James**: Must I?

**Ana**: Well... thats... good... Will!

**Will**: Yes, I'm very proud

**Jack**: -celebratory dance-

**Ana**: Of course, being with Jack, thats not something I have to even worry about..

**Will**: that's NOT good!

**Ana**: But anyway, James was saying...

**Will**: James, tell us about the guy.

**Jack**: -tongue kisses ana-

**James**: I'm sure that's true.

**Jack**: is it Andy?

**Will**: who is Andy?

**James**: Nobody.

**Ana**: Short for Andrew, I presume?

**Jack**: Didn't i see the two of you at the story the other day buying, if i remember correctly, protection...

**James**: NO.

I was... nowhere

It wasn't me.

**Elizabeth S.**: You mean Groves...?

**James**: THERE IS NO GUY!

**Will**: Gillette! The best a man can get!

**Ana**: Oh James there is nothing to be ashamed of!

**Elizabeth S.**: OH. Duh.

**James**: -blushing- No.

**Elizabeth S.**: I knew that.

**Will**: I saw them at the store picking out razors

apparently James likes to mix pain with his pleasure

**Jack**: his grandfather started the company right?

**Will**: yep

**James**: I'm not...

What!?

Razors?

**Will**: yeah. It's ok James. We're here for you

**James**: What are you on about?

I haven't been... outside.. for awhile

I mean

Why am I sharing this with you four?

**Jack**: wanna go make out some more ana?

**Will**: because you have no one else?

**James**: No more questions.

**Jack**: we're your beeeeest friends

**James**: I'll just sit here and sulk.

**Ana**: I'm not sure this is the time...

**James**: -sits down-

**Will**: awww

**Jack**: now may be the only time though

**Will**: Elizabeth, surely there is something we can do to make james feel better

**Jack**: i'm horny!

**Ana**: Maybe we can channel that energy to helping James?

**James**: Of course you are.

**Will**: me too but I just don't go announcing it to the entire room, Jack

**Elizabeth S.**: Surely.

**James**: I think you just did.

**Will**: oh. -blush-

**Jack**: i'm gonna go in that corner over there for a few minutes. carry on

**James**: -smirk-

**Ana**: Get over his issues or something? Maybe you and Will could do something?

**Will**: Elizabeth, my brain has gone AWOL!

**Ana**: Jack!

**Will**: ME!?!

I'm not a sex toy, Ana.

**Ana**: Elizabeth, help me out here!

**Jack**: -calls over shoulder- oh, like that's something new!

**Elizabeth S.**: Yes, you are, Will.

**Will**: only to you, lizzie dear.

**Elizabeth S.**: I just did, Hun.

**Ana**: You are sex on legs Will, deal with it.

**Elizabeth S.**: ;)

**James**: -rolls eyes-

**Will**: Wow Ana! Thank :) -smirk-

Jack did you hear what Ana just said?

**Ana**: Excuse me while I take a random walk around the room that may lead me to the corner where Jack is...

**Jack**: huh?

Ana :D

**Ana**: Coming dear!

**Will**: Ana thinks I'm SexOnLegs. Top that.

**Ana**: I mean... -slap-

**Jack**: ow?

**Ana**: Jack is ... sex on ... ??

**Jack**: ...

**Ana**: Help me out here. Someone.

**James**: I'll just sit here and continue to be ignored.

**Ana**: James fill in the blank: Jack is sex on ____

**Jack**: Goat?

**Will**: James, why don't you just admit you love Gillette?

**Jack**: joking

**Ana**: Ew,

**James**: Jack is sex on incompetence.

**Jack**: incompetent like a fox

**Ana**: Did someone say Fox?

**Will**: hey!

**Ana**: I have a Fox Fetish.

**James**: Oh lord.

**Will**: yeah me too. -cough-

but I think goat is right for Jack.

**Ana**: -slides towards Will-

**Jack**: Thank you :D

**Will**: I take it you forgave me

**Jack**: -pulls pants back up-

**Ana**: I guees so.

-guess.

**James**: -starts whistling-

**Will**: haha

sn: coupling

**Jack**: Does anyone want to try the door again?

**James**: Alright.

**Jack**: its getting awfully hot in here

**James**: sn: yahuh

Is it now?

**Will**: should I use my head?

**Jack**: where's the air conditioner when we need it

sure. it's prob hard enough

**Will**: -runs at door-

OW!

-whimper-

**Jack**: ahahaha

**Will**: shut up, Sparrow!

**Ana**: Elizabeth, he may be sex on legs, but boy has no brain!

**James**: -shakes head-

Rash, Turner.

**Jack**: No

**Elizabeth S.**: -pats key in her pocket as she sits in the back of the room-

**Will**: Impotent Norrington

**Ana**: Turner has a rash?!

**James**: Excuse me?

**Will**: I have no rash!

**Ana**: Where?!

**James**: -stands up- What did you call me, Turner?

-glare-

**Will**: errr incompetent

**Jack**: And I'm Jack :D

**James**: WHAT?

SN: lol juliana

**Will**: it was a joke mate

take a chill pill.

**Jack**: I think I'm drunk :D :D :D

**James**: -grits teeth- It better be.

**Ana**: sn: hahah

**Will**: that's a shocker.

**Jack**: shock. that gives me an idea

**Will**: O.o

**Jack**: let's electrocute will

**Ana**: I can't take all this testosterone. -goes by Elizabeth=

**James**: O.o

**Will**: Nooo!!

-brandishes sword-

**Jack**: -faints-

**Will**: what? what did I do?

**Ana**: JACK!

-runs to Jack-

Jack are you okay?

**James**: What's wrong with him?

**Will**: Jack! Wake up!

**Ana**: What the hell, Will?

You didn't have to make him faint!

**Will**: I JUST PULLED OUT MY DAMN SWORD!

**James**: And goodness is it big.

**Jack**: Sorry, too much rum

**James**: -blush- ........I didn't say that.

**Ana**: It's modern times.

**Jack**: Ow, my head

**James**: I'll just, um. I'll just go to sleep now.

**Will**: James!

**Ana**: Jack!

**James**: -closes eyes- -fake snoring-

**Ana**: You're alive!

**Will**: Well, I still carry a sword.

**Jack**: my head hurts -pouts-

**Ana**: Elizabeth knows that.

-shifty glance- right Elizabeth?

Oh fine Jack.

-kisses-

**Elizabeth S.**: What do I know?

-hangs up her cell phone-

**Ana**: About Will's sword?

**Elizabeth S.**: Sorry. I missed that.

What about it?

Wait...which one?

Will has left.

**James**: -awakens- the big one.

...err, I mean... -fake snoring again-

**Elizabeth S.**: They're both pretty big, James. As you should be well aware.

Will has left.

**James**: What makes you say that?

**Elizabeth S.**: -sigh-

**Jack**: thank you Ana -kisses back-

**James**: I mean, I know I'm a closeted-except-for-you-four gay, but...

Wait, I just answered my own question.

**Elizabeth S.**: Wait. Since when are you gay?

**James**: Well

**Elizabeth S.**: What happened to being bi?

**James**: Uh

that too

**Will**: sn: sorry

Will has joined.

**James**: Both. I'm bi and gay.

**Will**: what happened!?!

**James**: Umm.

METRO!

Yeah.

**Will**: !!!

**James**: .................. -fake snoring-

**Ana**: ... which makes sense?

**Will**: total sense

**Jack**: mhm

**Elizabeth S.**: Okay. I'm going back to phone call now.

to my-

**Will**: I always wondered about his impeccable sense of fashion

**Ana**: Can someone PLEASE figure something out to make him admit to himself that he is, indeed, gay... or bi... or metro... or whatever!?

**Will**: but Elizabeth, I wanted to make out -whine-

**James**: I am bi.

**Will**: good for you, James!

**James**: I just don't like people knowing it.

It, um

**Will**: why?

**James**: detractsth from my manlinessth.

**Ana**: What manlinessth?

**James**: -hurt-

**Elizabeth S.**: Ana...psst.

**James**: Fine.

**Will**: ?

**Elizabeth S.**: Come here.

**Ana**: Oops. Sorry. That was mean.

-runs to Elizabeth-

**Jack**: What should the guys do now then?

**Ana**: what?

**James**: As I said earlier. I shall just sit here and sulk.

**Will**: I think you are very manly, James

**Elizabeth S.**: -whispers in her ear- Don't tell Will, but I'm having an affair.

**James**: Really?

**Ana**: -whisper- With who?!

**Will**: aww does Jamie need a huggie?

**James**: -sob- I guess.

**Jack**: -rolls eyes-

**Will**: -HUG-

**Jack**: -tries to listen to the girls-

**James**: -starts to cry-

**Elizabeth S.**: -whispers- His name's Cedward Dali. -snort- He honestly gets the job done whenever I need him to.

**Ana**: -whisper- That's going to crush Will!

**Will**: hey Elizabeth what's this about a fair?

**Ana**: And what kind of name is Cedward?

**Will**: I want to go!

**Elizabeth S.**: -whisper- That's why you're not going to tell him! Ssh!

**James**: -sniffs- I'm okay. I'm okay.

**Ana**: You are really lucky he is so dense.

**Elizabeth S.**: I know.

**Will**: what does dense mean?

**Elizabeth S.**: And Cedward's a fucking fantastic name. What are you talking about? lol

**James**: -recomposes- "said word"?

**Ana**: It just sounds like a prick. Anyway... -walks over to James- I'm sorry

**Elizabeth S.**: No, James. -eye roll-

**James**: She's talking to me?

Gasp.

And gasp.

I

**Jack**: Dense means your kind of stupid at times William

**Elizabeth S.**: ONLY at times, Jack?

**Will**: why?

**Jack**: but adorably stupid and that's why elizabeth loves you right

**Ana**: -mumbling- for one thing not noticing your wife is having an affair...

**Elizabeth S.**: -innocent- Yep.

**Will**: huh?

**James**: -stands up-

**Will**: Elizabeth wouldn't do that

**James**: -starts punching door- I NEED ANDREW!

**Jack**: -wraps arm around ana's shoulders-

**James**: LET US OUT, GOD DAMN IT

**Will**: of course she did kiss Jack that one time..

**Jack**: you know i love you ana, right?

**Ana**: You know Jack, I love you too.

**James**: -shouts at door- Is this about me? Do you want me to shout it louder? I'm gay! GAY! Lemme out

**Jack**: -kisses ana on cheek-

**Ana**: And I think this is a big step for James.

**James**: -punches door-

**Will**: Elizabeth, do I need to be worried?

**Jack**: just wanted to let you know

**Elizabeth S.**: Um...define 'worried'.

**James**: Come on come on -starts ramming with shoulder- Out! Out!

**Will**: do you find yourself wishing i could sparkle?

**Ana**: Of the closet?

**James**: Very witty, Ana. Really.

-gives up-

**Ana**: Sorry buddy.

**Elizabeth S.**: Wtf, Will? Why would I want you to sparkle?

**James**: -slides to floor-

**Will**: i dunno

i heard you mumbling about it in your sleep

**Ana**: Jack, go see if you can comfort james while i monitor these two, will you?

**James**: -emo- I'll just once again sit here and sulk.

**Will**: why do we need monitoring? Ana is there something you aren't telling me?

**Jack**: -sigh- ok -kisses again-

**Ana**: -kisses- good luck.

**Jack**: hello jimmy

**Elizabeth S.**: No, there's not. -to Ana, whispers- Shut up!

**Ana**: Well, Will... i think Elizabeth should tell you.

**James**: -grumble-

**Ana**: What was that phrase in the vows again? To honor thy husband?

**Elizabeth S.**: Are shitting me?

**Jack**: oh buck up jimmy boy. we'll get out of here soon

**Will**: tell me what?

**Elizabeth S.**: are you-

**Ana**: Feeling guilty, Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth S.**: No, I'm actually not.

**Will**: O.o you WERE actually sleepin around!

**Elizabeth S.**: Will broke those vows a longggggggg time ago, anyway.

James has left.

**Ana**: Oh really?

**Will**: well fine, I wasn't goin to tell you but I met this guy down at the pool a few days ago

what!? I beg to differ

**Elizabeth S.**: Oh, God.

**Will**: yeah. He was wearing a red speedo. I couldn't resist. Sorry -dear-

**Elizabeth S.**: Differ away.

**Jack**: -twiddles thumbs waiting for james to come back-

**Ana**: Is Will bi?

-revelation-

**James**: -cough- My connection is funked.

**Elizabeth S.**: Pretty much.

**Will**: only for red speedo guy.

no!

how can you say that?

**Elizabeth S.**: And what's red speedo guy's name?

Hmm?

**Will**: umm Fox?

**Ana**: -squeals-

**Will**: see, Ana knows him

**Elizabeth S.**: Just shoot me in the foot now.

**Will**: you. started. it.

you and Cedward

**Ana**: James would like Fox, actually.

**Will**: he would! I should introduce them

**Elizabeth S.**: How'd you know about Cedward?

James has joined.

**Jack**: I would but i left my gun downstairs

James has left.

**Ana**: James! How would you like to meet up with Fox?

**Will**: I heard the whole thing! See I was only pretending to be dense.

he left :(

**Ana**: -slides away from impending fight to Jack-

**James**: Who's Fox?

**Elizabeth S.**: Will, we were freaking whispering from all the way across the room. How could you have heard that?

**Will**: they run in the family

**Jack**: Well, isn't the boy half immortal?

i think

right?

**Will**: Fox works for the FBI and he's really hot

um.. sure!

**James**: I've got someone, thank you.

**Jack**: gets it from his mother's side

the denseness comes from his father

**Will**: hahaha James is pink

**Jack**: see

**Will**: my. father. was. NOT. dense.

**Ana**: Uh... yeah he was.

**Jack**: what, no sword?

**Elizabeth S.**: And here we go again...

**James**: I want Andrew.

**Will**: I want Fox.

**Ana**: I want Jack/

**Will**: disappointed, Jack?

**Jack**: don't you people ever think of anyone but yourselves?

disappointed in what whelp?

**James**: Of course.

I think of Andrew all the time.

**Will**: no sword

Jack you should talk. -eyeroll-

**Jack**: Ana, help

**Ana**: -slaps Will-

Good?

**Jack**: Very good :D

**Will**: hey!

what was that for?

**Ana**: Jack told me too.

-to. damnit!

**Will**: do you always do his bidding?

**Ana**: It's a ... thing.. of mine.

**Elizabeth S.**: Apparently.

**Will**: oooh. secretly submissive, are we?

**Ana**: shhh!

**James**: -snort-

**Ana**: sometimes I drop my controlling bossy facade....

**Jack**: psh

**Ana**: its not that wierd!

**Will**: lucky Jack

**Ana**: I take it Elizabeth is not submissive, Will? ;)

**Jack**: anyway, i think some people need to start apologizing

**James**: Oh, I'm sure she is.

I know I am.

**Will**: not really, no.

**James**: Oh.

There's always a submissive one.

**Ana**: -smirks-

**Elizabeth S.**: I'm really not.

**James**: -looks pointedly at Will-

**Jack**: i'm going to try the door again

-rams shoulder at door-

**Will**: I'm not THAT submissive!

**Ana**: James... do you know something about Will that we don't?

**Elizabeth S.**: -smirks, patting the key in her pocket, as Jack rams the door-

**James**: Like what, ana?

**Ana**: About Will's... preferences?

**Will**: James knows nothing!

**Jack**: Quick, am I bleeding?

**Ana**: Are you alright, Jack?

**Will**: OMG Jack! Blood is gushing from your forehead

**Jack**: Does anyone see blood?

**Will**: -hysterical-

**James**: Oh, dear.

**Jack**: Fuc- -faints-

**Ana**: James you were in the Navy!

You must have some sort of medical training... or something!

Do something!

**Will**: hurry, James! Before he croaks.

**James**: Uh

-kneels over Jack-

what am I wearing??

er

-pulls off coat-

-presses against Jack's foerhead-

does someone have a bandana?

**Elizabeth S.**: Ask Will.

**Will**: here you go

**James**: -takes-

-wraps around Jack's head-

**Ana**: He's not breathing!

**James**: -mouth to mouth_

come on..

**Jack**: I'm up! I'm up! Please stop

**Will**: oh good!

**Ana**: Thank goodness!

-makeout-

**Jack**: Hey, what's that in Lizzy's pocket? That thing she keeps patting

**Will**: yeah?

**Elizabeth S.**: Back off, Jack.

**James**: -picks up bloodsoaked coat-

**Ana**: Yeah, what is that?

**Elizabeth S.**: Touch me and die.

**Jack**: I'm still on the floor, Love.

**Will**: Ana what is she holding?

**Ana**: Looks like... a key! Of unknown size and origin.

You don't think...

**Jack**: Get her!

**Elizabeth S.**: You all are sooo smart. -eyeroll-

**Will**: she wouldnt

-tackle-

**Ana**: Will get it!

**Will**: I got it!!

-runs to the door-

it fits!

**James**: Thank you Lord.

**Ana**: YES!

**Elizabeth S.**: I could sue you for assault, Will.

:P

**James**: we could sue your for... uh

**Will**: no you couldn't!

**James**: holding us prisoner.

**Ana**: Kidnapping?

**Jack**: Why so you could be with your precious Cedward?

**Will**: you locked us in here against our will

**Ana**: Yeah, yeah. that.

**James**: yeah.

**Jack**: -barf-

**Will**: phew, the door opened

**Elizabeth S.**: Yeah, yeah. I'm an evil bitch. What else is new?

**Will**: yech.

**Elizabeth S.**: We needed so spicing up in here, so I gave it to you.

some-

**Will**: aw don't be so hard on yourself

**James**: Of all people, Elizabeth.

**Will**: at least you aren't a total horndog like James

**James**: it's my fault, isn't it?

**Jack**: yeah

**Will**: always

**Ana**: Hah.

**James**: Okay then. Fine.

I'll just leave this house now.

**Ana**: I guess we should all go....

-lingers-

**Will**: no don't go! there's nothing wrong with being a horndog

**Jack**: leave them to talk this out a bit

Sent at 02:51 am on Saturday.

**Ana**: I guess so.

**James**: Yes, let's all leave.

**Jack**: ...

**Will**: maybe you should go

**James**: I need Andrew anyway.

**Ana**: -lingering-

**Will**: Elizabeth and I need to work somethings out

**James**: -walks off-

**Ana**: Fine.

**Jack**: we can go to my place for a bit ana

**James**: Oh, and Elizabeth?

**Jack**: my couch

**Ana**: alright. :D

**Elizabeth S.**: Hmm?

**James**: You're a bitch.

-slams door-

**Ana**: Totally.

**Elizabeth S.**: Damn straight.

**Will**: -snicker-

**Ana**: I mean. Love ya!

What was that about a couch? -runs-

**Will**: and... cut!


	21. TOW Jimmy Joined In

**I don't think I ever uploaded this after Caity sent it to me, and I found it while sifting through old emails. So… yeah. :)**

**TOW, by the way, means "the one where". It's a Friends reference :P**

**---**

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth! let me hold her for awhile

**Jack Sparrow**: Isn't she cute?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Very much so.

**Norrington**: Yes

**Jack Sparrow**: I meant you, Lizzie

**Will Turner**: And she's mine... not Jack's. Got that!

**randombystandard**: Jack's a suck up!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack...we talked about this...

**Will Turner**: Suck up? hmm

**Norrington**: Oh dearest lovely beautiful, why will you not fuck with me?

And by that, I meant...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

WILLSOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

**Will Turner**: Which one of us is beautiful?

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh look, a random bystander. Hello random bystander

**Elizabeth Swann**: Me

**Norrington**: Ahem, I mean...

**randombystandard**: Hello

I'm just here.

**Will Turner**: Hey, man that's cool

**Norrington**: …Nothing.

**randombystandard**: Occasionally putting in my two cents

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's gross

**randombystandard**: sometimes three.

**Will Turner**: so you're a voyeur huh?

**Norrington**: speak, damn it

**randombystandard**: ...yes

**Will Turner**: we'll just leave you to it!

**Norrington**: someone SPEAK

dammit

SPEAK.

**Will Turner**: James, language!

i'll not have that around my daughter

**Elizabeth Swann**: He can't control himself.

**Jack Sparrow**: Honestly. You were in the navy

**Norrington**: indeed

heeyyyyyy lil' Willy

**Will Turner**: yes?

**Norrington**: MAMASEMAMASAMAMAKOOSAH

Mhm

**randombystandard**: he wants to make hard passionate love to you Will.

**Norrington**: no!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will's mine!

**Will Turner**: I noticed he's hard... that I got

**Jack Sparrow**: Or mine, depending on raisin intake

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why can't any of you understand that?!

**Norrington**: Who?

**Will Turner**: of course I am, dearest

Norrington has left.

**Will Turner**: ha rejected again!

**randombystandard**: aww

**Will Turner**: what is this, his 100000000th time?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where's he gone now?

Haha, right Will.

**Jack Sparrow**: Good one

So, what shall we do now?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hmm.

**Will Turner**: anyone got the raisins?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack does!

Norrington has joined.

**Will Turner**: i would share but.. mine are all gone

**Jack Sparrow**: I think I've got one we can split

**Will Turner**: NORRIE!

**Jack Sparrow**: Damn

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're back!

**Will Turner**: where did you go?

**Jack Sparrow**: Norry, do you have any raisins?

**Will Turner**: or can you tell us?

**randombystandard**: Norrie needed some 'alone time' im sure

**Elizabeth Swann**: To relieve himself, probably.

**Will Turner**: Lol I figured

but I was interested in the venue

**Elizabeth Swann**: of course you were, darling

**Will Turner**: it's all about location

**Norrington**: I threw up again.

Hah.

**Jack Sparrow**: Do you have any raisins on you?

**Norrington**: lol

eh

nooooooooo.

**Will Turner**: he threw them all up

he OD'd on raisins

**Norrington**: some biotch called Meggie stole them from me

**Elizabeth Swann**: You guys shouldn't have raisins!

**Will Turner**: well we should go after her!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I told you that earlier.

**Jack Sparrow**: Yeah, her and her three friends took them all

how rude!

**Norrington**: hmm

Like...

someone fuck me already.

**Jack Sparrow**: ...Not me

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack's turn, I think.

;)

**Will Turner**: yes

**Jack Sparrow**: Shit

**Norrington**: I'm WAAAITING

**Will Turner**: Jack you know you want him

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will and I need some time aloneee.

**Norrington**: Mmmmmmm.

**Will Turner**: you want to know what it tastes like..

**randombystandard**: i will make it my life mission to cock block you forever norrington.

**Norrington**: -tackles Jack-

LET US FUCK!

**Will Turner**: yes Elziabeth!

ohhh yes

**Jack Sparrow**: Fine -sighs-

**Norrington**: Come on, Jaaaaaaaaaaaack.

**Jack Sparrow**: -censored sparrington-

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth where shall we go? My cabin on the FD perhaps?

**Jack Sparrow**: Don't forget the baby

**Elizabeth Swann**: Wherever you want.

**Norrington**: Ohhh! oh!

**randombystandard**: dont leave me alone!

**Will Turner**: ick we need a babysitter

**Jack Sparrow**: You're not alone rbs

**Norrington**: -moans- more, Jack

more...

**Elizabeth Swann**: That we do.

**Will Turner**: randomdude, are you game to watch Janie?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hey randombystandard!

Wanna watch our baby?

**randombystandard**: sure

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thankyou!!

**Will Turner**: aww Liz we think alike!

-smooch-

**Norrington**: more, Jack! -moans-

**randombystandard**: ill try not to corrupt her too much

**Elizabeth Swann**: That we do. :)

**Will Turner**: thanks, man. We owe ya one

**Jack Sparrow**: -tries not to moan-

Move your elbow

**randombystandard**: -walks into a corner-

**Norrington**: No.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will - where do you wanna go?

**Will Turner**: ok Elizabeth... we're free to do whatever

**Jack Sparrow**: This bed is too small for the both of us

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm good anywhere.

**Will Turner**: FD cabin!

**randombystandard**: orgy!

**Will Turner**: or wherever you want to

**Norrington**: -pumps-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I don't care.

**Will Turner**: we could stay here with them?

**randombystandard**: -returns to corner-

**Elizabeth Swann**: You pick.

**Jack Sparrow**: You got me all sticky now

**Norrington**: more, Jack...

**Will Turner**: let's stay here!

and join in the fun

**randombystandard**: orgy?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Haha okay.

**Norrington**: ORGY

**randombystandard**: dont leave me alone!

**Jack Sparrow**: Wooo

Then join in rbs

**randombystandard**: -does so-

**Norrington**: -moans- Jack... Jack... ohhh...

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, c'mere love

**randombystandard**: NAKED TIME

**Elizabeth Swann**: -goes to Will-

**Will Turner**: let's go over here by norrington

**Norrington**: ohhhhhhhhhhhhh... Jack, harder please Jack, MORE!!!

**Jack Sparrow**: -comes harder-

**Will Turner**: wow he's quite vocal... it's really turning me on

what about you, Elizabeth?

**Norrington**: OHHHHHHHHHHH.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ahhhh....me too.

**Norrington**: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Jack Sparrow**: Ahhhh.

**Jack Sparrow**: you're too tense James

loosen up

**Will Turner**: yeah, lighten up dude

Elizabeth! Let's give him a MASSAGE!

**randombystandard**: james is the bitch tonight

**Norrington**: RELIEVE ME

**Will Turner**: I call the lower half

**Norrington**: make me, Jack...

**Jack Sparrow**: he's the bitch everynight

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, we're going to have a fivesome tonight?

**Norrington**: PERSUADE ME, JACK

**Elizabeth Swann**: COUNT ME IN.

**Jack Sparrow**: Aren't we corrupting the baby or something?

**Will Turner**: haha fivesome indeed!

**randombystandard**: no

**Elizabeth Swann**: The baby's sleeping.

**Jack Sparrow**: ok, just so we're clear

**Elizabeth Swann**: She'll be fine.

**Will Turner**: that is good to know

**Elizabeth Swann**: Very.

**Norrington**: come on.

**randombystandard**: she's too young to remember anything anyway

**Will Turner**: now, c'mere James!

**Jack Sparrow**: let's get started then

**Will Turner**: -rubs lotion on lower frontal half-

**Jack Sparrow**: who wants to be on top?

**Elizabeth Swann**: How do you all wanna position this?

**Will Turner**: it's quite a conundrum

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yep.

**Norrington**: Screw the baby, i already said

**randombystandard**: just dont think about it

**Will Turner**: James! I'm ashamed

**Norrington**: OHHHHHHHHHHH.... Will...

**randombystandard**: thats nasty

**Will Turner**: Jamieeeee!

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO JAMES!

**randombystandard**: now im into a lot of things,

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, help me over here

**randombystandard**: but screwing children and animals is where i draw the line.

**Elizabeth Swann**: With what?

**Will Turner**: I can't handle the norrimeister all by myself

**Norrington**: bitch my arse.

**Jack Sparrow**: Right..

**Norrington**: -moans-

**Will Turner**: Jack! We need you too

**randombystandard**: you are the bitch norrington.

**Will Turner**: at least I need you

**Jack Sparrow**: What do you need me to do?

**Norrington**: i know

**Elizabeth Swann**: Where do you want me to go?!

**randombystandard**: in my pants.

**Will Turner**: Jack you can get behind me

**Norrington**: HERE

**Jack Sparrow**: Ok

**Will Turner**: and Elizabeth can go in front

I'm all ready to go, then... how about you guys?

**Jack Sparrow**: We'll all take turns

**Norrington**: come on..........

I'm.... soo.... ready.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Here - I'll sit on top of Norrie, and Will can be in front of me.

Sound good?

**Norrington**: Someone fuck me already.

**Will Turner**: whatever

**randombystandard**: fine.

**Will Turner**: you can hold it, James

**Jack Sparrow**: The more you say it, the less we'll do it James

**Norrington**: Oh ho ho. Kinky now are we, Elizabeth?

**Will Turner**: just try and have a little self restraint

**Elizabeth Swann**: Definitely

**Norrington**: Fine.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whatever works.

**Norrington**: I'll try.

**Will Turner**: never mind, that's impossible for him

Norrington is now Davy

**Will Turner**: i shouldn't set goals he can't possibly achieve

**Davy**: For now.

**Jack Sparrow**: Ahhh

**Davy**: Mhmm

**Will Turner**: yikes!

**Davy**: no, I should not.

**Will Turner**: my back!

Davy is now Norrington

**Norrington**: it's me.

**Will Turner**: whew

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, good.

**Jack Sparrow**: Don't do that

**Elizabeth Swann**: Man.

**randombystandard**: did will throw out his back?

what an old man.

**Norrington**: Now, shall we fuck or not?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes, we shall!

**randombystandard**: god youre needy.

**Will Turner**: no, just remembering getting whipped on the FD

**Norrington**: Ha.

**Jack Sparrow**: Come on then-censored-

**Will Turner**: LET's GET IT ON!

**Norrington**: Whipped?

OHHHHHH

**Will Turner**: by my Dad though

so I couldn't enjoy it

**randombystandard**: ...incest?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Let's not talk about your dad while we're having sex.

**Will Turner**: no! no no no

**Norrington**: your father whipped you?

**Will Turner**: just clarifying!

**Norrington**: wow, Will.

**randombystandard**: will

**Will Turner**: DJ made him do it!

**randombystandard**: thats a bit kinky

**Will Turner**: I swear, i don't like my father like that

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ew!

**Jack Sparrow**: Am I doing this myself or WHAT

**randombystandard**: yes.

**Will Turner**: ha Jack!

**Elizabeth Swann**: That's not kinky - that's sickening.

**Norrington**: You really are that attractive that the guy that made you who you are even wants to fuck you...

So technically, Bill wants to fuck himself, no?

**randombystandard**: apparently

**Jack Sparrow**: Hahahah, you got that right

**Will Turner**: WAME

**Norrington**: That is depressing.

Is Bill emo?

**randombystandard**: now he is

**Jack Sparrow**: I remember this one time on the Pearl and he and I

**Will Turner**: no Norrie he's just like you

he's suffered one too many rejections

**Elizabeth Swann**: Can we stop talking about Will's father, please?

**Norrington**: Well.

**Will Turner**: haha yes thank you Elizabeth

**Norrington**: Hah,

fine Elizabeth.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm getting horrible images in my head.

**Norrington**: Let us go on the long road to fuck.

Well, shall we fuck or not!?!?!?

**Will Turner**: no, I need to be done!

**Elizabeth Swann**: We shall!

**Norrington**: YES!

**Elizabeth Swann**: NOW.

**Norrington**: -fucks Will-

WEEEEEEE!

**Will Turner**: Ahhhhhhhhh!

**Norrington**: Ha ha ha

**Will Turner**: Jamesssss

**Jack Sparrow**: -Fucks Elizabeth- sorry Will

Will Turner: WHAT!?!?

**Norrington**: You know you like it Will.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, Jack...

**randombystandard**: ooo

**Will Turner**: -stops fucking James-

**randombystandard**: oh dear.

**Will Turner**: Jack I'll kick your ass!!

**randombystandard**: will is unhappy

**Elizabeth Swann**: Harder, Jack...

**Will Turner**: -literally kicks Jack's ass-

**randombystandard**: stop Will

**Jack Sparrow**: Fuck you Turner

**Norrington**: -moans- WILL

**randombystandard**: hell like it too much

**Will Turner**: NO! Get away from him Elizabeth

**Jack Sparrow**: -fucks Will-

**Norrington**: What did I do?

**Will Turner**: JACK!!! Yessss

**Elizabeth Swann**: I need some!

**Norrington**: What!?

What?

**Will Turner**: Nothing I just didn't like the J/E-ness!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Someone fuck me now!

Please?

**randombystandard**: me!

**Elizabeth Swann**: OKAY!

**Jack Sparrow**: So James is allowed to fuck her and I'm not

**Will Turner**: haha that's ok

**Norrington**: Oh no.

**Will Turner**: that's right Jack. that's right

**Elizabeth Swann**: -fucks rbs-

**Jack Sparrow**: That's not fair :(

**Will Turner**: because I want you!

**Norrington**: Dude. This is such a sight.

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh, yay

**Norrington**: Dear me I feel like masturbating.

Yes! Yes! I love the sight before me

**Will Turner**: mmmm right there, Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: -sighs- harder Turner

**Will Turner**: Jaaack! –whimpers-

**Norrington**: Fuck Turner?

Please.

**Jack Sparrow**: Watch where you aim that thing

**Will Turner**: Ahhhhhh! Jack you are good!

**Elizabeth Swann**: -climaxs-

**randombystandard**: damn straight yo

**Norrington**: oh

**Elizabeth Swann**: Man, boys - he was the only one to ever make me do that.

hehe.

**Norrington**: Indeed

**Jack Sparrow**: hahaha

**Will Turner**: wha?

**randombystandard**: sorry willy boy.

**Will Turner**: are you serious?!?

**Jack Sparrow**: tough luck turner

**Elizabeth Swann**: None of the rest of you have ever made me orgasm.

**Will Turner**: Objectively, I'm better than all of you!

**randombystandard**: but not in practice

**Will Turner**: WHAT?! Elizabeth I'm ashamed of you

**Norrington**: OHHHHHHHHHHHH why am I left out?

-masturbates instead-

**Will Turner**: you're always left out...get used to it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Why are you ashamed Will?

**Will Turner**: go fuck Gillette or someone

because you LIED to me!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shouldn't YOU be ashamed??

WHEN?

**Will Turner**: yet again..

RIGHT NOW!

**randombystandard**: will, its okay to have the stamina of a 12 year old

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO!

**Will Turner**: you couldn't have faked all those times

**randombystandard**: thats what we're here for.

**Norrington**: ha.

**Will Turner**: TWELVE! Ha

**Elizabeth Swann**: You sure?

**Jack Sparrow**: good one

**Will Turner**: Pretty damn sure

**Elizabeth Swann**: Really? Hmmm.

**Will Turner**: that's the only time I can make you say William!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Wanna make me orgasm now??

**Will Turner**: other than when you're mad

**Elizabeth Swann**: Prove it to me.

**Will Turner**: I SHALL!

**Elizabeth Swann**: GOOD!

**Will Turner**: -smooches-

FINE!

mmm Elizabeth... love you

**randombystandard**: Angry sex!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Angry sex, indeed.

**Will Turner**: -takes her against the wall-

**Norrington**: mmmmmm.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Come on, Will

**Will Turner**: Ah!

**Jack Sparrow**: Ooo

**Elizabeth Swann**: Harder.

**Will Turner**: how's that, love?

**randombystandard**: will, youre not doing it right

**Elizabeth Swann**: Make it faster.

**Will Turner**: Fuck off!

**Norrington**: mm.

**Will Turner**: Yesssssssssss!

**Norrington**: Will do.

**Jack Sparrow**: Hey Sweetie Cakes

**Norrington**: -fucks self off-

**Will Turner**: -hip thrust-

**randombystandard**: no Will

**Norrington**: WoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, you need a different angle...

**randombystandard**: use more leverage

**Elizabeth Swann**: Ahh.

**Will Turner**: I know ALL about leverage

how's that?

**randombystandard**: apparently not.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Better....AHHHH.

**Jack Sparrow**: -scratches head-

**Will Turner**: knew I'd get there somehow –groans-

**randombystandard**: theyre so awkward looking

**Jack Sparrow**: They're just not used to it

**Will Turner**: hey!

**Norrington**: mhm.

**Jack Sparrow**: They're still young

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, I'm not getting there....COME ON!

**Will Turner**: I'm commmming!

**Norrington**: I, however, have lots of experience.

**randombystandard**: aww will

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'M NOT COMING.

**randombystandard**: you tried.

**Jack Sparrow**: Yeah, with yourself

**Norrington**: So does anyone wanna fuck me? Or do I just fuck myself?

**Will Turner**: I'm touching you there, dammit Elizabeth WTF?

**randombystandard**: poor will.

**Norrington**: WHO WANTS TA FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEE

**Will Turner**: FUCK!

**randombystandard**: but its important that he at least tries.

**Jack Sparrow**: Fuck?

**Will Turner**: I'll go do Norrie.

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, you can't prove it to me, then?

**Norrington**: mhm

-grabs Will-

You said so, Turner.

**randombystandard**: fuck fuck fuck fuck

**Elizabeth Swann**: Come on, Will.

**Will Turner**: Let Norrie and I both prove it to you

**Elizabeth Swann**: Be a man.

**Will Turner**: what do you say, James?

**Norrington**: Mhm

-holds Will's thighs-

**Jack Sparrow**: What're they doing over there?

**Norrington**: -sucks Will's cock-

**Jack Sparrow**: James is stopping half way through

**randombystandard**: see, that wasnt too hard

no pun intended

**Will Turner**: Ahhhh!

**Elizabeth Swann**: RBS!!!!

**Will Turner**: Norrieeeeeeeeeeee

**Elizabeth Swann**: Can you make me orgasm again??

**Will Turner**: we were supposed to do Elizabeth though

**Norrington**: LMAO

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will can't do it.

**randombystandard**: i know

**Will Turner**: but if you find me this irresistable, well.. I can't blame you

**randombystandard**: ill be happy to help.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Take me now then.

**Jack Sparrow**: -rolls eyes at everyone-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm rather impatient.

**Norrington**: -mumbles- Don't care

**randombystandard**: oh jack, youre just jealous

**Jack Sparrow**: That's because there's an odd number of us

**Will Turner**: GOD I'm NOT INCOMPETENT!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack - you can come do it with me and the rbs.

**Will Turner**: nooooooooooooooo!

**Norrington**: Incompetent?

**randombystandard**: you just want him to.

**Jack Sparrow**: I think I'll pass before turner kills me

**Norrington**: Or Impotent?

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO!

**Norrington**: LOL

**Will Turner**: hey!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I need someone to do this for me!

**randombystandard**: no?

**Elizabeth Swann**: ANYONE.

**randombystandard**: or yes?

**Norrington**: hm.

**Jack Sparrow**: Pass

**Will Turner**: if you're going to insult me, you can just go an fuck your blow up doll

James

**randombystandard**: aww

**Will Turner**: ME!!

**randombystandard**: poor lizzie.

**Norrington**: hm.

**Will Turner**: I will give it another go

**Norrington**: Perhaps I shall.

-walks away-

**Will Turner**: ok Elizabeth... how would you like it?

**randombystandard**: no

**Elizabeth Swann**: Hmmm.

**randombystandard**: ill do it

**Will Turner**: please tell me so that I can please you in the best possible way

:D

**randombystandard**: god will

**Jack Sparrow**: Will's so needy

**randombystandard**: stop trying to sound better than you are

**Will Turner**: Mee?!

**randombystandard**: in bed.

**Will Turner**: Jack what about all of friggin TORTUGA?!?

**randombystandard**: yes you.

**Norrington**: Mmmm.

**Jack Sparrow**: Well, I'm not allowed to touch Lizzie and Norrington has more STDs than me

**randombystandard**: whoa, what happened in tortuga

**Will Turner**: LOL I believe it

Jack fucked the entire brothel!

**randombystandard**: or was it just you

**Jack Sparrow**: And You Won't Have Me DAMMIT

**randombystandard**: be honest now

**Norrington**: yes.

**Jack Sparrow**: Will couldn't fuck his way out of a paper bag

**Will Turner**: I don't do whores

**randombystandard**: now Will

**Will Turner**: Jack fucking Sparrow!

-slaps-

**Norrington**: speaking of blowing...

**Will Turner**: yes rbs?

**randombystandard**: well, liz knows that already

**Jack Sparrow**: -bitch slaps-

**Norrington**: mhm

**Jack Sparrow**: -pushes Will onto the floor-

**Will Turner**: yessssss! Jack

**Jack Sparrow**: Woo

**Elizabeth Swann**: So, who's going to have me, then?

**Will Turner**: he can't keep away... I'm just that hot

**Jack Sparrow**: -kisses Will-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I personally don't care at the moment.

**Will Turner**: if you would make up your mind, Elizabeth

mmm Jack

**randombystandard**: well seeing as how Will is both busy and unable to help you

ill help you out, Lizzie

**Norrington**: Ah.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Thank you!

**Will Turner**: dude! RBS!

**Jack Sparrow**: Don't leave me Turner

**Norrington**: yum.

**Will Turner**: sorry Jack I gotta go

**randombystandard**: sorry Will, but you missed out at the current moment

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, you love ME!

**Elizabeth Swann**: SOMEONE HAVE ME ALREADY!

PLEASE

**Will Turner**: not him... some random dude

**Norrington**: Elizabeth!

**Jack Sparrow**: -makes out with norrington-

**Norrington**: Let me fuck the fuck out of you

Ohhhhhh

**Elizabeth Swann**: OKAY!

**randombystandard**: fuck!

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, get over here

**Norrington**: -pushes away Jack-

**randombystandard**: noooo

**Elizabeth Swann**: YOU get over here, Will!

**Will Turner**: Tell me what you want, love

**Jack Sparrow**: -pouts-

**Norrington**: c'mere you. -tackles Elizabeth-

**Will Turner**: I'll make it happen for you -nibbles ear-

**randombystandard**: Will, stop being a bitch

**Will Turner**: grrrrr

**randombystandard**: look

**Elizabeth Swann**: Anything that'll make me come

**Will Turner**: James! WTF?

it's called sharing

**Norrington**: -whispers to Liz- Don't listen to him.

**randombystandard**: i think all these hostilities between us Will are really not necessary

**Jack Sparrow**: But I wanted to actually make out with you James

**Norrington**: You know you want me.

**randombystandard**: i cant help it if you cant love your wife the way i would

**Will Turner**: I do, but that's not the point

**Norrington**: Fuck off.

-stands up- whatever

**randombystandard**: thats between you two.

**Norrington**: Oh fine.

**Will Turner**: Man rbs what do you have against me?

what did I ever do to you?

**Elizabeth Swann**: He thinks you're inexperienced.

**randombystandard**: nothing

and you are.

**Elizabeth Swann**: And can't satisfy me.

**randombystandard**: now id be glad to give you pointers

**Will Turner**: if you would just give me another chance! –whines-

**randombystandard**: but im better at teaching visually than verbally

**Norrington**: -make-makes out with Jack-

**Will Turner**: -whines-

**Jack Sparrow**: Finally

**Elizabeth Swann**: Do you want to show Will with me, then??

**Will Turner**: fine. Rbs go ahead and give us a demonstration

**Norrington**: mm

**randombystandard**: id be happy to

**Elizabeth Swann**: Show away.

**Will Turner**: I'll just be over here, silently fuming to myself

**Jack Sparrow**: wow, i didn't think that was possible

**Will Turner**: but that's ok.. anything to help Elizabeth

**Norrington**: -ignores- -still making out with Jack-

**randombystandard**: now now, you wont learn very well if youre angry

**Elizabeth Swann**: UGHHHHHHH!

Someone just fuck me already!

**Norrington**: MMMMMM.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Come on.

**Will Turner**: RBS, go!

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm getting restless.

**Jack Sparrow**: I'm not "allowed" to

**Will Turner**: angst is my idiom

DUH

**Norrington**: Elizabeth!

**randombystandard**: well stop being antsy elizabeth

**Norrington**: I shall.

**randombystandard**: now c'mere

**Elizabeth Swann**: Well, if you would just DEMONSTRATE already

**Jack Sparrow**: -sits in a chair in the corner-

**Norrington**: whoa

**Will Turner**: ansty? -snorts-

**Norrington**: -grabs Elizabeth- Never mind RBS.

**randombystandard**: how ever Will i demonstrate if i don't have a willing co-teacher

**Elizabeth Swann**: I AM WILLING!

**Will Turner**: haha go James!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Very much so.

**Norrington**: Elizabeth.

**Will Turner**: show RBS how it's done

Elizabeth Swann: WHAT?

**Norrington**: Say it,

**randombystandard**: alright, the best thing to do is doggy so you can both watch tv at the same time – that's just manners

**Norrington**: and i'll do it

**Jack Sparrow**: -is bored-

**Norrington**: Come on, Elizabeth.

**Will Turner**: Jack, do you wanna sit by me?

or... on me?

**Jack Sparrow**: ok

**Will Turner**: yes!

**Norrington**: -whispers- We'll show RBS how it's done.

**Jack Sparrow**: -sits on will-

**Will Turner**: -pats lap-

ah... much better!

**Will Turner**: i finally have a place to put it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Jack - I gave you the option!

You didn't take it.

**Norrington**: ahhhh

Elizabeth?

Do you want me? Or not?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Sure!

**randombystandard**: well jack frankly, not many women nor men want to be filled with STDs

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whoever is willing and ready NOW.

**Jack Sparrow**: but men are

**randombystandard**: most.

**Will Turner**: haha Jack! she schooled you

**Norrington**: Elizabeth.

Answer me damn it,

ANSWER.

**Elizabeth Swann**: I DID

**randombystandard**: they just prefer getting laid over being healthy

**Elizabeth Swann**: I said SURE

If you're ready NOW

**Norrington**: SHIT

**Will Turner**: Jack, you have to move around..

**Norrington**: i have to go.

**randombystandard**: norrington youre doing it wrong

well go on then jack

**Norrington**: bye –Pulls up pants and leaves-

Norrington has left.

**Jack Sparrow**: whatever, come on Will

-censored-

**randombystandard**: oh dear

**Jack Sparrow**: -puts tongue in Will's mouth-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Oh, forget this. -Goes off into a corner to masturbate-

**Will Turner**: -double censored- MMMM Jack!

**Jack Sparrow**: Girls don't masturbate do they?

**Will Turner**: Shows what you know about women

RBS where did you go?

**Jack Sparrow**: Getting back to it then Turner

**Will Turner**: I need someone to yell at

**randombystandard**: right here.

**Will Turner**: YESSSSSS! Jackieeeeeee

that's the spot

**Elizabeth Swann**: OH, YESSSSS!

**Jack Sparrow**: -more kissage-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Whew.

**randombystandard**: well of course im going to butt it (not literally) when you screw up Will (no pun intended)

**Will Turner**: wow Jack that was...

**Jack Sparrow**: Good?

**randombystandard**: sloppy.

**Will Turner**: amazing

-hugs-

**Jack Sparrow**: Yay :D

**Elizabeth Swann**: Well, if men can't make me come, then at least I know that I can make myself come.

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth did you like it too?

**randombystandard**: thats a sad thought

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's have a foursome

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will didn't try, so I had to take matters into my own hands!!

**randombystandard**: im all in

**Elizabeth Swann**: He gave up.

**Will Turner**: Jack I need to rest!

**randombystandard**: pfft

**Jack Sparrow**: Wimp

**Will Turner**: I didn't give up!

GOD.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Yes you did

You went for Jack

**Will Turner**: NO. I didn't

**randombystandard**: theres that 12 year-old libido again Will

**Elizabeth Swann**: And Norrie

**Will Turner**: so? he's fucking hot? what was I supposed to do?

**Elizabeth Swann**: God, Will

**Jack Sparrow**: I reached my peak tonight

**Elizabeth Swann**: PROVE YOUR POINT TO ME!

**Will Turner**: what? -puppy face-

**randombystandard**: as well as a 12 year old's maturity level

**Elizabeth Swann**: THAT'S WHAT!

**Will Turner**: DRANIT I WILL!

if you would just tell me how!

you women are so particular about that stuff

**Elizabeth Swann**: God, I don't know!

**Will Turner**: do we have to go back to the organ or what?!

**randombystandard**: they are picky

**Elizabeth Swann**: A lot of different things feel good!

**randombystandard**: but you should know

**Elizabeth Swann**: I do know

**Jack Sparrow**: they tend to do this a lot, RBS

**randombystandard**: indeed

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, I want to make you come, ok?!?!

**Elizabeth Swann**: Okay, hold on --

**randombystandard**: go for it will

we believe in you

**Jack Sparrow**: You know, they used to be happy until you showed up, RBS

**randombystandard**: not really, but you know

**Will Turner**: you need to tell me exactly how... I'm very dense... you have to explain it to me in explicit detail

**randombystandard**: i know, i feel like such a home wrecker

**Elizabeth Swann**: OKAY JUST HOLD ON! –Thinks about which position is best-

**Will Turner**: I'm holding it on, that's for sure –grumble-

**Jack Sparrow**: Let's show them how its done, RBS

**Will Turner**: RBS - it wasn't you

**randombystandard**: alrighty jack

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will - do you know what the Jack Hammer position is?

I reallyyyyyyyy like that one.

**Jack Sparrow**: -censoredness- watch us

**Will Turner**: uh no... explain please, liz!!! -eager-

**randombystandard**: its like this Will! –does with Jack-

god Will, read a book.

**Will Turner**: I was stuck on the FD for 10 years - give me a break

I'm more of a visual learner, actually

**Jack Sparrow**: Great

**Will Turner**: not you too, Jack!

lets everyone gang up on Turner

**Elizabeth Swann**: RBS - please show him

**Jack Sparrow**: Just get it over with already

**Elizabeth Swann**: please!

**Will Turner**: please, please!

**randombystandard**: alright- jack will you help me attempt to force knowledge into Will's unbelievably dense skull?

**Jack Sparrow**: Of course

**Will Turner**: I won't deny it

but only about certain things...

**Jack Sparrow**: How do we start?

**randombystandard**: back to the floor Jackie boy

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will - you've honestly never heard of the Jack Hammer position?

'Tis my favorite.

**Will Turner**: Jack Hammer? are you making that shit up?

**Jack Sparrow**: It was practically named after me

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO

**randombystandard**: its basic karma sutra Will.

**Will Turner**: i was thinking that actually

**Elizabeth Swann**: NO - it isn't based after Jack

**Will Turner**: I'm trying my best to understand

**Jack Sparrow**: And how do you know that Dear Lizzie?

**Will Turner**: but if you don't explain it in terms I can understand.. we're all screwed

**Elizabeth Swann**: Because i just do

**Will Turner**: yeah, how do you know!?

I miss Norrie..

**Elizabeth Swann**: Would it be my favorite if it was based after JACK??

**randombystandard**: one person on the floor, legs on the other's shoulders and go to town.

**Jack Sparrow**: Oh get over it

**Elizabeth Swann**: THANK YOU, RBS!

**Will Turner**: no, it wouldn't!

**randombystandard**: lol

**Will Turner**: yes thank you!

I understand!! It's a miracle

**randombystandard**: good lord!

**Jack Sparrow**: yay

**Elizabeth Swann**: Now PLEASE take me WIll!

**Will Turner**: YES I DAMN WILL!

Top or bottom?

**Elizabeth Swann**: There is no top or bottom!

**randombystandard**: go for the top. Will

don't be lazy

**Elizabeth Swann**: You're kneeling

I'm laying down

**Will Turner**: ok I will

that's what I meant... sheesh

**Elizabeth Swann**: My legs go on your shoulders

jeez!

**randombystandard**: then go for it

**Will Turner**: I got that part!

alrighty then.. heh -nervous-

**randombystandard**: ah young love. It's so awkward to look at.

**Elizabeth Swann**: Don't be nervous, Will…

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth love, lie down

**Elizabeth Swann**: I am

**randombystandard**: pft

**Will Turner**: umm, now what?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Shut up, RBS!!

**randombystandard**: don't pussyfoot it Will just go for it

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will, start moving!

**Will Turner**: do you need foreplay or anything?

**Elizabeth Swann**: No, you don't – just start, please.

**Will Turner**: -grabs legs-

**Jack Sparrow**: JUST DO IT ALREADY AND STOP TALKING ABOUT IT –watches-

**Will Turner**: are you ready for me Elizabeth?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Absolutely

GO!

**Will Turner**: -enters slowly-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Enter faster, dammit!

**Will Turner**: hows -gasp- that?

fine then!

-thrust double time-

**Elizabeth Swann**: AHHHHHH!

There you go!

**Will Turner**: Ah I see now!! yessssssss

**Elizabeth Swann**: -moans loudly-

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, you feeling this?

**Elizabeth Swann**: Come on, Will! YES, I am!

**Will Turner**: I'm holding back for you

**randombystandard**: dont give up now Will

**Elizabeth Swann**: DON'T HOLD BACK.

I promise I'll do it.

**Will Turner**: OK!!! Here I go!

UNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

**Elizabeth Swann**: AHHHHHH! YES!

**Will Turner**: -thrusty thrust thrust-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Faster!

**Will Turner**: I am! -sweats-

**Jack Sparrow**: Harder Turner harder!

**Will Turner**: Ahhhhhhhhh so good Eliiiiiizabeth

**Elizabeth Swann**: AH - I'm coming!

**Will Turner**: Aiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!

**Elizabeth Swann**: FINALLY!

**randombystandard**: finally.

**Will Turner**: YAYyyyyyyyyy!

**Elizabeth Swann**: One more good one, Will!!

**Will Turner**: -THRUST-

**Elizabeth Swann**: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

...whew.

**Will Turner**: -pantgaspwheeze-

**Elizabeth Swann**: Will -

**Jack Sparrow**: Nicely done you two

**Will Turner**: Elizabeth, you were incredible

**randombystandard**: hooray

**Will Turner**: :D

**Elizabeth Swann**: You have officially proved your point.

**Will Turner**: Thanks, Jack

glad you liked the show

**Jack Sparrow**: not like i had much else to do

**randombystandard**: it needs work.

**Will Turner**: YAY! See, I'm not incompetent after all

**Elizabeth Swann**: I'm so proud of you, baby!!

**Will Turner**: always a critic, RBS

**randombystandard**: yes.

**Jack Sparrow**: it's what he's best at

**Will Turner**: Aww I love you Elizabeth –spoon-

**Elizabeth Swann**: I love you, too :)

Yay

**randombystandard**: but however will you get better if you don't have someone pushing you all the way

**Elizabeth Swann**: He'll get better!

I'll make sure of that. ;)


End file.
